“Love me?” Cara whispers inaudibly.
“Yeah, Cara, man doesn’t do the shit I’ve done unless he’s doing it for someone he’s got feelings for and those feelings got to be more than simply caring,” I say firm but gently at the same time.
“Don’t want to make you dirty by being with me.” If Cara’s words could shock me any more than just now, I would hit the floor.
“Cara,” I murmur, cupping her cheek. “You’re not dirty.”
“But I can feel it. It covers me and I don’t want that to touch you or anyone else. Those monsters, they ruined me and I’m doing my best to come to terms with myself . . .” Sliding my hand along her cheek I cover her mouth to stop her from saying anything further.
“I know right now isn’t easy for you, babygirl, and it’s going to take a while to get you there. But, I’m tellin’ you right now, you aren’t ruined and that filth you think you feel will wear away the longer you’re with me. I’ll make sure of it,” I promise her, meaning every single last word.
Chapter Eleven
Cara
Over the past three months my life went into overdrive. The day after Nerd brought me home, I met Tinsley (she’s the sweetest woman I’ve ever met) and my nephew Cody (he looks so much like my brother). Granted, I’d talked to Tinsley through texts, I was still leery about whether or not I’d like Tinsley; however, we hit it off right away.
I felt bad for missing so much of Cody’s life already but he’s an amazing kid. I’ve started babysitting him while Coyote and Tinsley both work. While watching him, I’d come to the conclusion I didn’t want to go back to school for my psych degree but rather get certified and licensed in childcare. With all the kids within the club, they could use someone they trusted watching their children while working.
When I brought this up to Nerd, he thought it was a great idea and helped me look into what I needed to do to get started.
Nerd and I didn’t go, like he wanted, to get furniture the same day I finally met Tinsley and Cody, instead we went the next. This gave me the entire day to get reacquainted with my brother and his family.
While out we’d gone to two different places to pick out a couch set that we both liked. I always liked the sections that came with ottomans and Nerd wanted something that he could stretch out on and as he put it when I was ready to be able to lay with him while watching a movie. This caused lots of butterflies to flutter in my stomach at this remark.
He’s been more than patient with me and even went with me to group sessions that he’d found for me. Nerd also was able to, with the help of a couple of the ol’ ladies of the club, convince me into seeing a professional. This was someone Rachel had gone to see, and she trusted him. Stoney, however, he didn’t seem to be too fond of the guy. They’d gotten into an argument that led to Rachel storming out with him on her heels. I was in awe when he scooped her up and threw her over his shoulder.
Knowing it was a man, I wanted Nerd to go with me and that is what he did. Sat next to me lending me his strength as I spoke with Dr. Lanston, not once making me feel inferior about what I went through. I’m sure him sitting with me as I talked about my experience, it did something to him, since each night after my sessions he would disappear and I wouldn’t see him for hours. When I did, he was always sweaty and went straight to the shower.
So far, I’d had four sessions, two per week. After the first two, I didn’t really think about this, then the last session and the one I’d had today, I had. Where is he going? What is he doing? Questions keep running through my head, constantly going negative. I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about but I still can’t help but let doubt sink in.
Although it’s hard, I feel like I’ve come a long way in overcoming the sickening feelings of dirt covering me. I have Nerd to thank for that
We still hadn’t done anything but sleep next to each other. Not even a simple press of our lips together. It has to be difficult for him. He’s a man and men have needs. The thought of Nerd possibly going out and finding someone to give him the release he needs kills something in me because I know I can’t. I like to think so, only I don’t know how to approach Nerd about what I want.
With my Kindle in hand, I curl up in the corner of the couch and pull up one of my Reapers MC books by Elizabeth Knox. Cleo had gotten me hooked on reading her stuff and I love it. It takes my mind off of everything going on in my life. That and I love the men she writes about.
Lost in the world of all things Zane, I wasn’t paying attention to anything else. So, when the front door slams shut, I nearly jump out of my skin as I drop my Kindle. Eyes wide, I turn toward the entranceway to find Nerd standing there, yet again sweat coating his body.
“Nick?” I call out as he starts to head for the stairs rather than acknowledge me.
“Going to take a shower,” he growls.
“Are you okay?” I ask as I get to my feet.
“Not now, Cara. Need a shower then to get some sleep,” he says without turning around to face me.
“Um, okay.” I whisper, staying where I am and looking
