Chapter Five
Cara
Two months later
“Are you sure you don’t want to come home yet?” my brother asks after I decline coming home once again.
Since the day Rage said his piece and I texted Nerd, I started going to this victim’s support group Ally and Cleo told me about. I didn’t want to go to an actual counselor. I felt they wouldn’t be able to understand where I was coming from. Being around others who have experienced similar yet different scenarios I felt connected.
One person to help me break through after the texting with Nerd was Momma B. Evidently, she didn’t like the fact I wasn’t at home where she could set eyes on me. So, she used coming down here to visit her granddaughter as her excuse to get to me.
The moment Momma B stepped in the house, she made a point to pull me into her arms and hold me the way my mom used to. Fresh tears had welled in my eyes at this touch. That night she’d stayed with me, holding me the same way Cleo and Ally did. When morning came, Momma B dragged me out of my room, put me in the shower, and made me face the day. During the afternoon she’d taken me to my first meeting with the support group.
I’ve gone to every one of them since. I also started texting my brother and finally taking his calls. I know I hurt him by shutting him out but at the time it’s what I needed to do and now he’s been asking me to come home.
At first, I thought I could go back to Stonewall University, be there with Ember, only sweat started to bead along my forehead at the thought. Granted I’ve talked to Ember, Dex, and Josh, but I decided I didn’t want to go back there. I made this decision before I knew my brother had already packed up my belongings and brought them home. I’m sure I should be upset but I’m not, I can get my psych degree closer to home. Well when I was ready to take a leap at it.
With my twentieth birthday coming up I want to be with my family, but I’m scared.
Through texts I talked more with Nerd.
Found out his favorite color was green. Movie anything with Iron Man in it. Music, pretty much everything Rock. But his favorite band was Pantera. I also now knew he could be super corny making me love him more than ever before.
And this is why I’m scared, because I know if I go home, he’ll take one look at me and turn away. I mean if I can feel the dirt and grime covering my skin, I’m sure he’ll be able to see it.
“Cara, kiddo, you still with me,” Coyote asks, drawing me from my thoughts.
Clearing my throat, I answer my brother, “Yeah, I’m sure. I’m not ready yet. I will soon though. I promise.”
Sighing, I can almost picture Coyote shaking his head with his head bent. I love my brother, no matter how much he and I butt heads. He’s the only person I have left in this world that loves me as much as I love him. “Okay, but don’t wait too long. I want you home where you belong. I also want you to meet your nephew that’s already here and the baby Tinsley’s carrying.”
Tinsley, I knew from our conversations via text was sweet. I’ve come to really like her. She isn’t like most women I’ve known to be around the club. Then again, I don’t know many since I was only around the club for events.
“I got it, Coyote. I’ll come home soon,” I murmur to appease him.
“Alright, we’re heading out this evening for a surprise party the ol’ ladies are hosting at some club.” Sounds fun.
Not really. I don’t want to even think about going to some club. It’s where they found me, drugged me and finally got a hold of me after following Josh and I back to the dorms. Yeah, nope, I’m good on never setting foot in another club again.
The two of us talk for a few more minutes before we hang up.
Laying back on my bed, I stare up at the ceiling as I think about everything roaming around in my head. During group, we talked about what’s on our minds and for example, today I’d talked about how I still felt the dirt coating my skin.
A woman named Mackenzie who’d joined the group a week ago, told us some of her story and I felt guilty that the dirt I wore was nothing compared to hers. Ashamed by these feelings, I avoided texting Nerd back since getting home.
At the ping of my phone, I lift it up off the bed and unlock the screen to read Nerds text.
Nerd: Babygirl, how did it go today?
The way he calls me babygirl sends tingles throughout my body. Tingles I shouldn’t be feeling for anyone. But it was Nerd, and no one was like him. He held my heart and didn’t even know it.
Nerd: Why aren’t you responding, Cara?
I groan inwardly at reading Nerd’s message. It’s been hours and nearly midnight. I still haven’t responded to his message.
Honestly, I didn’t know how to explain what I was feeling at the moment. Conflicted by wanting to go home but at the same time wanting to hide and not wanting the filth covering me to touch any of the people I care about.
Knowing he’s probably upset, I decide to give him an answer.
Me: I’m fine. Talk to you tomorrow or whenever.
Hitting send, I start to freak out all over again.
Damnit.
The air in the room becomes stifling and I throw my phone on the bed, getting up off the bed. Leaving my room, I head for the backdoor of Rage and Cleo’s house. Once outside, I sit on the wooden steps facing the darkened back yard.
Staring into the darkness, I contemplate my
