I close the bread on a turkey, swiss cheese and avocado sandwich, place it next to the others on a platter. This lunch is pretty basic. Hannah and I glance from the sandwiches to each other, and I know we’re both thinking the same thing.
“Not everyone can cook like Grandma Nance,” Hannah mutters.
“Amen to that.” I lift the plate, she the pitcher of lemonade, and we head into Ethan’s gorgeous backyard. It’s constantly changing since he can never decide if he wants a volleyball net, a pool, a big lawn like Grandpa and Grandma, or what. He’s got the money to throw around for remodeling and I know over the years as they have more children, this yard will assume many shapes and sizes dictated by what the kids are interested in at the time.
Ethan and Tobias are across from each other on white couches, under the shade of an enormous turquoise umbrella. Charlie is in the lounge chair with Kaya breastfeeding under a baby-hammock, the soft fabric brought up for modesty.
“Why couldn’t Ben come?” I ask Ethan while setting down the food as Hannah divvies up the lemonade, ice splashing over the pitcher’s rim.
“He can’t make it.” As Hannah sits next to Tobias and rests her hand on his jeans, Ethan asks her, “But since we’re wondering where people are—Gabriel and his girl coming soon?”
“Normally I’d say I don’t know where my brother is, but the new me is paying a lot more attention,” she announces, eyeing me for having been the one to tell her she needs to be easier on the twins. “He politely turned us down for lunch today. Asked for a raincheck. They’re spending a lot of time alone together right now. You know how it is, those first stages.”
Ethan mysteriously mutters, “Guess Ben could have come after all.”
My eyebrows go up, but Tobias distracts us all by saying, “What first stage?”
Melting into him, she smiles, “I guess you’re right.” They kiss and she murmurs against his lips, both of them locked on each other, “I will always want to be alone with you.”
Under my breath I cough and mutter, “Gagging. Gagging over here.”
Charlie laughs. “Emma, even we get nauseated by them. Nobody should be that publicly demonstrative.”
Hannah sticks her tongue out.
But Ethan announces, “Oh yeah? Kaya wasn’t the only one breastfeeding last night!”
Charlie levels him with a somber look. “Why do I love you?”
“Because I’m fucking awesome,” he chuckles.
People tear into the sandwiches while I watch, feeling numb and detached. I’m so happy I love Charlie. It would be terrible if I didn’t love the woman my brother chose. I only hope Eric chooses wisely, too.
Listen to what I’m thinking!
Why do I want to see Tanner again? It would put a strain on the relationships with the people I love most. How could I choose someone they don’t approve of? I’m a complete hypocrite.
When was this built?
Are the windows double-paned?
How are the appliances?
Emma, I will hurt you.
“Y ou okay, Emm?”
Snapping back to reality I stare at Hannah, and then graze a look across the staring faces, sandwiches put on pause in everyone’s grip. “I’m fine! Just daydreaming. I need to get a job. Guess it’s got me worried.”
Ethan frowns, “You know I’ve got you covered if you need anything. You don’t have to be so stubborn about it. Money isn’t an object with me.”
“Thank you, but I have enough. I’ve saved six months’ worth of salary.” Tilting my head I remind him, “And I told you I have to earn it myself. I won’t take a hand-out.”
“Could be a loan!”
“And then I’d be in debt, which I hate.”
He starts to argue but a voice coming from inside the house interrupts us.
Hannah’s step-mom, Aunt Jaimie, appears in the back door. “Oh, there you are!” she exclaims, black hair blowing back as she practically runs to where we’re sitting. “And good! Emma’s here, too.” She glances to Charlie. “You’re saved because you just gave birth. Count yourself lucky!”
Hannah and I exchange a look.
Aunt Jaimie inhales sharply, getting ready to explain, “The Woman’s Group has a fundraiser tonight and we’re understaffed. Hannah, I know you’re not a fan of these events but I’m calling in every favor I’ve ever done for you to demand that you be there. And Emma, you owe me nothing, but please don’t let me down. I need you, too!”
Hannah laughs, “You don’t need to call in favors. Of course I’ll help.”
“And hold it over your head for eternity.”
She gives me a look. “Emma, the smartass, will go, too, regardless of how sick she looks about it right now.”
Tanner might be there. If he’s in Atlanta, he didn’t tell me. Which says everything. Get prepared for the ending of hope, Emma. “Sure, why not? I’ll be there.”
Oh dammit dammit dammit.
“Wonderful!” Aunt Jaimie lifts the lemonade pitcher and tells me, “I’m surprised Cora didn’t already talk you into going. She’s on the planning board.”
I hate my life.
CHAPTER 28
EMMA
I n the bathroom mirror that she and I used to share, Hannah watches me apply my lipstick while she sits on the cream counter, one long leg swinging, the other keeping her balanced. “You’ve been so quiet tonight.”
“I’m tired from the sun,” I mutter and set the golden tube down. “I should have taken a nap, but you guys wrestled me into a game of volleyball. And Tobias and Ethan are way too competitive.”
Muttering, “Only having four players makes it tougher,” she picks my lipstick up and checks the color against her skin. A fruitless endeavor since our skin tones are vastly different, hers pale and mine olive. But she always wishes it were different. While I apply mascara she gives my reflection a slow up and down appraisal “You look very pretty tonight, Emm. Gone gay?”
I flick a look
