I chose this.
Everything I’ve been through, all the competition with Janet and pushing myself in order to beat her, has made me stronger. This isn’t a loss in terms of my career, just in terms of my family. And also I’m losing Elizabeth.
Where did that come from, I frown.
We’ve had a couple weeks of hot encounters.
That’s it.
Rolling onto my side I close my eyes, convincing myself that it’s totally normal after we’ve been working for years together under high-pressure situations on a daily basis, of course some bonding is inevitable.
Digby’s. That’s where this all started, isn’t it?
Flipping onto my back, I exhale.
No, it began before then.
My first day at the hospital, I was struck by her upon first sight. Something I haven’t let myself think about until recently. They were giving us orientation when she walked toward our group at a fast clip, her gaze rising from forms she held in her right hand. I checked her left one to see if she was married, noted the naked finger with a smirk, and then we were all introduced. The moment I learned that she was who I needed to impress, she became off-limits, practically androgynous. Stuffed my attraction toward her down so deep I forgot it was there. Never told Max about how beautiful she is, how dangerously smart.
“Why'd you have to go and step over the line, Caden?” I grumble, rolling over again.
My eyes have gotten used to the darkness, settling on a stack of books untouched on my old dresser. Not just recently, but never touched. All the classics that I thought I should read, but never did because I wasn’t interested in them. There was not a lot I cared about when I was younger. I finally found a real challenge after all these years.
I’m not crazy-high-IQ-guy like my cousin Ethan, where I could read the materials for biology and instantly have them understood and memorized.
I had to study my ass off, work harder than anyone who had a natural proclivity to learning from text books. It was in the practice where I really shined. Never winced at gore, could function well on little sleep and I had a hunger for knowledge like I’d finally woken up from a foggy dream. Med School was fucking fun for me, no matter the work.
If Grandma Nance hadn’t shouted that we need a doctor on the inside, when Grandpa Michael had his heart attack, I’d probably be quitting job after job wondering why I hate my life.
I felt this click inside my chest that day. A calling. I’ll never forget it. I was rooming with Max at the time in the loft. As soon as I shifted my studies toward medical, I moved out.
My hours would never be predictable, sleep a luxury squeezed in when necessary. You can’t live in a loft like that. There are no walls except for a small divider that doesn’t even touch the ceiling—the space where Max lays his head. I’m fine with a couch, never minded it in the slightest, but I needed freedom of the clock. No checking in. No worrying if I’m waking someone up.
He understood.
But it was hard on both of us.
My phone is vibrating again.
I’ve got to see if it’s her.
Tugging the covers back I throw my feet on the cool hardwood floor, and pad over.
You awake?
Immediately dialing, I soon hear Max say, “Guess that’s a yes.”
“I was just thinking about you,” I admit.
“I’m having a hard time sleeping, too. Mom was pretty harsh, wasn’t she?”
“She was a wreck, turns out.”
I tell him everything I overheard.
“Wow,” he whispers. “That makes more sense.”
“She took the bullet. You saw Lexi giving her the cold shoulder.”
“I’ll fill Lex in—don’t worry about that.”
“Thanks.”
“Are you ready for this move? Stupid question. I’m just looking for something to talk about.”
“I’ve been lying here in my old bedroom which is a mind-fuck in and of itself. So many things have changed since I lived here, you know? Picture me then and me now.” He laughs. “Right? But you know what? This might be great for my career. I was hoping to learn under Stevens, that guy’s amazing. Or at least he used to be. No, he still is. I think he’s just been slacking off a little because he has no competition in the hospital. I could have been that for him.” Exhaling, I lie back down and stare at my ceiling. “I’m trying to see the good in it. I could have given Stevens the spark he needed. I could have given a lot of people the spark they needed.” Dragging my hand over my face I take a deep breath. “Maybe that’s why I’m being sent away. Pulled my old shit and stepped over a line.”
My brother’s tone darkens. “What? You do something with that girl Janet you’re always talking about?”
“You’re on the right track, wrong female.”
“Who then?”
“You’re not gonna believe it.”
There’s a pause, then he groans, “Tell me you didn’t fuck your attending resident or whatever the hell you call them.”
“Okay, then I didn’t. And P.S., I know all about your filmmaking process and you still don’t know about the hierarchy at my hospitals? Come on!”
“Caden, you said hospitals. Plural. You’re already there in your mind.”
Closing my eyes I exhale, “Guess so.”
“Was it worth it? Because I hope it was. Otherwise I might never forgive you.”
Thinking about it, I chew on my cheek. “It might’ve been, if she hadn’t gotten scared and sent me away.”
“She transferred you for that? You have feelings for her?”
“Maybe. Yeah, I’ve got feelings for her. Doesn’t matter anymore, because a woman who pulls this is
