The front of her apartment building is well landscaped, with large potted plants dotting the sidewalk. We stand by one and she leans against it as a streetlamp illuminates her almond-brown eyes. “It means a lot to me that you came down for this.”
“Does it?”
Knowing what I’m asking, she whispers, “Logan…”
“Forget it, Sam. I don’t know why I’m fishing in an empty lake.”
“Don’t put it like that,” she whispers. “This isn’t empty.”
“Are you trying to tell me something?”
I search the struggle in her eyes. She’s biting her lips, and I drop my gaze to stare at them, wishing I were those teeth. Every cell in my body is reaching out to this friend I’ve known all my life, thinking that if we would just touch then it would all make sense.
“Logan.” Her eyes briefly close. No words will come. She looks tortured, but no one is more tortured than I.
I step closer, take her chin in my hand, my voice thick. “Please don’t give me hope if there isn’t any. I told you I love you. I saw it in your eyes then that you didn’t feel the same way. If you suddenly do now, does that mean you always did? Because I would leave the show and come back to Atlanta if you just said the word.” I lean a little closer so that I can breathe her in, feel the heat from her skin, waiting for her to stop me, push me away. But she doesn’t move. So I brush my lips against hers for the first time in our lives. Samantha’s breath hitches and desire wells up in my groin. Taking a chance, I kiss her, surprised as she responds. She feels like home, but just as I’m about to take this deeper she touches my chest and pushes us apart.
“Stop, I can’t. It’s not right.”
This pain coursing through me is unimaginable. I thought I ached for her before, but now? I’m staring at the love of my life, knowing this has to be the last time I see her. “Goodbye Sam.”
I turn away to find Ryder tapping the steering wheel, engine running.
She calls after me, “Mondays?”
Shaking my hand I keep my gaze locked on my escape plan.
But I hear footsteps chasing me down. Samantha runs in front of me, grabs my arms. “Logan, please don’t leave like this.”
“I have a flight to catch in the morning.”
“I know, but I can’t let you leave here until you promise me that we will still talk to each other every Monday. Promise me!”
My throat is tight, corners of my eyes burning. “Sam.”
“Please!”
“No. I can’t do that.”
“If you love me, then you can’t erase me like this. That’s not what love is.”
“How would you know?”
Tears jump to my eyes, too. “Don’t be cruel to me, Logan!”
“Sam, let me go.”
“Promise me we will still talk on Mondays.”
“I can’t.”
Can’t say no to you.
Can’t stop loving you.
Can’t have you.
She hugs me, burrowing into my chest. “Please don’t do this. I need you in my life. Please don’t leave me like this. Promise me every Monday you’ll call!”
My throat is so dry I can hardly say it. “Make it once a month.”
“That will be too easy to let it go.”
With sarcasm I laugh, “You’re not easy to let go of.”
She pulls back, searches my eyes and touches my chest right over my broken heart. “Every Monday I’m going to call you. Please pick up. Promise!”
I stare at her, wishing for so many things. “Okay.”
Samantha Cocker releases me, and walks back home.
Chapter Thirty-Two
SAMANTHA
L exi slams the door, “I really need to quit that job,” and throws her bag onto our coffee table as I come in from the kitchen with a smoothie in my hand. “I know I’m supposed to like yoga, but I don’t. I’ve been working for Paige for a long time, and I love that woman, I do! But the utter and complete calm of the entire practice drives me absolutely bonkers.” She picks up Sally, sitting down on the couch with us. “It’s not like dancing. But so close, right? Is that crazy? Am I being supersensitive?”
I take a sip of carrot-ginger, adjust myself to get a little bit more comfortable, and ask, “Do you want me to tell you what I think?”
Lexi stares at me a beat. “Of course!”
“You tell me about a lot of things that you don’t want to hear my opinion on.”
Sally squirms out of her hands to see if there’s anything new in her food bowl. There isn’t, but she’s an optimist.
Lexi gapes at me. “I always want to know your opinion.”
I gently say, “Sometimes you kind of just like to talk.”
“That is so rude!” We stare at each other and her shoulders relax. “Do I really do that?” Waving her hand, she says, “Don’t answer.”
I offer her my beverage. “Want some?”
Scrunching her nose, she shakes her head and kicks off flip-flops. “I want to hear your opinion.”
“I was going to say that whenever you want out of something, you look for reasons why you don’t fit in there. And then that gives you the excuse to just follow your heart. If you just gave yourself permission to be happy, you wouldn’t need the disclaimers.”
Lexi tilts her head. “Wow, that’s pretty insightful. Are there any other things about me I should know about?
Taking a sip, I consider this. “Just one.”
She shifts her weight, saying a slow, “I’m listening.”
I could tell her that Brad is an asshole who doesn’t deserve her and it hurts me every time she plays his stupid games and even creates some of her own. “I love you.”
Lexi lunges to give me a hug while I hold my smoothie away so it doesn’t spill. “I love you, too.”
I left my phone on the coffee table so I could call Logan, so
