One of us is going to be left standing at the end of this.
Steven…or me.
I’m tapping the floor with my fingers strumming on the armrest the rest of the way.
“That’s it, right here!”
He glances over his shoulder. “Little excited?”
“I yelled that.”
He doesn’t argue. I pay through the app, and hop out before he’s fully parked, and race up their driveway.
The curtains are swaying.
She must’ve looked outside to see if it was me.
I haven’t seen her since that barbecue night. She texted me some photos sometimes, but that was few and far between. I didn’t ask for more. Too painful. And knowing her, she didn’t want to tease me by sending them to a guy who said he was in love with her. Her ego doesn’t need that kind of stroking. She would put me first, and my feelings, which is one of the many things I love about her.
If I lose her tonight I will regret it.
Forever.
The door opens before I knock on it. She’s more beautiful than I remember. Her eyes are more mature, less innocent, less soft. Her blonde hair is a little shorter, hanging just above her breasts which seem larger since she’s not training as hard. She’s in a short-sleeved, orange sweater over white jeans. I glance down because I can’t help myself, and see that her feet are bare, toenails painted orange, too.
“I can’t believe…” My mouth tightens.
She frowns, “Come in,” and steps back.
Scanning, I take note of the dim lights and house quiet around us.
“Are they asleep?”
“Yes.”
I face her.
My throat is dry.
Gut twisted.
“Did you want to meet me here because it’s neutral territory?”
Those almond-brown eyes I missed so much are tracing every angle and groove of my face. “I can’t believe you’re standing in front of me right now. What is it you wanted to say?”
“Don’t move in with him, Sam. I love you. I still love you.”
Her lips part, eyes wide with what…confusion? I can’t tell.
She whispers, “Logan…”
I reach out to hold her arms, so I can steady myself and keep her attention. “I got the lead in the production. And Guilford said that it was time for me to stop being the best friend, and to step into the role I was meant for. I heard those words, but they made me think of only one thing—you. You’ve always thought of me as your best friend, and I know it was weird when I told you I wanted more. But we have something here. Don’t you feel it?” I search her. “Sam, your voice is the one I look forward to hearing. He gave me the dream, handed it to me, but when I had it I realized it wouldn’t matter to me if you weren’t there with me. I don’t need the applause of thousands. I just want the applause of one. You. I know you don’t want to leave your family, that you’re a homebody and that’s all you want in order to be happy. I get it. I’ve been everywhere. And it taught me one thing. All I want to be is with you.” Sam whispers my name as her eyes become liquid. “You’re my best friend, Samantha, but I want more. I want everything! Every milestone you have, I want to have it with you. I want to teach kids how to dance with you. I want to have kids of our own. Sam, I couldn’t let you move in with that guy before I said it aloud. I might be committing friendship suicide, but without you I’m already dead inside. I want you. I need you. I still love you.”
The tears spill and she covers her face. I know what’s coming. And oh God, the pain is so deep.
“It’s probably too late. I’m risking everything here. I had to do this. I love you.”
She drops her hands and looks up at me, soft lips parting to speak…
Chapter Thirty-Nine
SAMANTHA
Sunday
Barefoot and in his sweatpants, Steven grinds coffee beans, smiling over his naked shoulder. “You going to unpack those?”
I’m fingering one of the cardboard boxes that are taking up the majority of his foyer and spilling into his kitchen and living room. Uncle Jake loaned Max and Caden his work-truck.
They helped me move in just yesterday, while Lexi covered my classes for me. We could’ve had one of our other teachers take over, but she didn’t approve of me moving in here.
I’m the last in our apartment, so I don’t know what she expected. Live in a three-bedroom place all by myself and not feel more than a little lonely? I’m happy she and Zoe have moved out. I wish she would be happy for me too.
“I’ll get to it today,” I tell him with a forced smile. “I’m not going to church so I can do this.” My chest feels tight, legs heavy. The idea of finding new homes for all of my things here is overwhelming. For some reason it just makes me tired.
The roar of the grinder becomes everything, and I stare at it as if years were passing rather than seconds. My eyelashes rise to gaze at Steve with the dawning awareness of the commitment I have just made. We are living together now. I turned over my key.
My brothers kept asking if I was okay. They were trying to joke around with me, teasing me about moving in with someone before we were married, as if that matters anymore, but I didn’t take the bait at all. Not even to join in the fun and razz them back.
Hunter showed up and claimed he had forgotten what time it was. Max told him to learn how to set an alarm. Hunter looked at my face and confessed, “I didn’t forget what time it was. That was a lie. This doesn’t feel right. I don’t see you guys together.”
Max and Caden shoved their hands in their pockets, neither arguing. They could’ve yelled at me and it wouldn’t have been
