“This was two weeks ago, and I’ve really tried to put it out of my head. Let’s see.” Remembering the night I frown, “What did he say? Ugh. Well, we went out to dinner after I got off of work. Not uncommon, but this time he took me to a really nice place, and he was dressed up. Since I’d been at the museum, I was, too. But not for him, though he acted that way. I felt him staring at me in a new way, and it felt kind of exciting because I didn’t know what he was thinking. And my mind starting wandering to you know, what if?” I take a sip to wet my closing throat, staring off. “When we were saying goodbye outside of the restaurant to go in different directions and take our separate trains, James took my hands and told me it’s supposed to be us, always was. He said he loves me, that I love him, too, and that I just didn’t see it yet. It was really romantic but strange because I didn’t feel the romance. Aesthetically it was the right place, right words, but I felt nothing. But he said I was just closing myself off to love. And who wants that, right? So I went for it. To see if jumping past that invisible friendship line would make it vanish into something more. We both took the train to my place, since he works in the building across the street.” I look at my cousins, reminding them, “They have a coffee shop in their foyer. That’s where I met him, in line.” Tempest and Christina nod that they remember. “But the sex was terrible. Just awful. Kissing him felt wrong, and I kept trying to ignore that.”
Noah warns me, “How detailed are we going here?”
“—And when we were doing it—“
“Oh gawd, stop,” he groans.
Evan grins, “I want to hear this.”
“—James was just pounding away and not checking in to see if I was there with him.”
Christina and Tempest blanche. Noah storms over to lock eyes with me, his on fire. “Are you saying he used you?”
“No, it wasn’t like that, but thank you for worrying about me.”
“Because if he did--”
“I’m telling you, it wasn’t that. I would have no problem calling it out if it was. It was more like he never thought it would happen and since it was happening, he lost himself in it!”
Noah holds out his hand, fingers up, palm at me, “Like a teenager.”
Pointing my wine glass I nod, “Perfect comparison.”
Evan slaps the kitchen island, “Noah! I’m not doing this alone.”
My brother heads back, rubbing protectiveness from his face before lending a hand.
Tempest’s eyes are on the unpleasant image I set before them. “I guess he won’t be coming to our rooftop parties for awhile.”
“Probably forever,” I sigh. “But who knows? If he gets over it, maybe we can be friends again.”
“Bennett told me you ditched Nax.”
I almost spit my wine onto Christina, choking on it, instead. Cabernet stings when it attempts an exit through your nostrils. “Noah, please hand me a paper towel!’
He laughs, walking a roll over.
Tempest cries out, “One piece!” tree-hugger that she is.
He tears off one, handing it to me. “Was he the tall guy I saw you talking with?”
Christina answers for me, “Nax is one of Bennett’s best friends. He and Josh went to N.Y.U. with him.”
“Who’s Josh?” Noah asks.
Tempest rolls her eyes. “A dark cloud with legs. If you didn’t see him, you didn’t miss anything.”
I look at her, certain I’d gotten the feeling earlier that she liked Josh.
Christina looks at Tempest, “More on that later,” and returns to telling our brothers, “They used to hang out in Washington Square Park, because the campus is there. Well, most of it. We hang out there all the time! Isn’t that crazy? We might’ve seen each other before, yet never knew it, never met, until now! But I mean, come on, I wouldn’t have been ready. Can you imagine? Nor would he have. Especially Bennett, from what he’s told me about his past. He was a cold, cold guy, and I wouldn’t have liked him very much. Although Mom told me tonight she found him stiff. She doesn’t understand him yet. Besides, Mom calling anyone stiff is hilarious.” She takes a sip of wine, all of us staring at her.
I laugh, “Christina!”
“I’m rambling, aren’t I?”
With love and humor, the room is a resounding, “Yes!”
Waving her free hand, she says three words that knocked me over earlier. “Nax is married.”
Noah cocks an eyebrow, “Zia.”
“That’s why I ditched him.”
“Good.” He walks the paper towels back to their home. “You can’t Tuck a married man. You’re smarter than that.”
“You’re totally right. That’s why I ditched him.”
“It can be seductive.” He closes a Tupperware lid with a loud pop. “I almost spent the weekend with a married woman once. She was sexy. Claimed he hadn’t touched her in years. But I looked at her thinking, how is that possible. You’re too hot.” He slides leftovers onto the fridge’s third shelf. “Whether I believed her or not wasn’t the point. If I were a husband — which I will one day be — and I found out my wife cheated on me, it would change my whole life. I could never do that to a guy, if I know him or not. Take his entire reality and shove it into…” Tossing tin foil into their bin, he finishes, “…the garbage can.”
Tempest points to another bin. “That goes into recycling, Noah.”
Christina counters, “Nax is separated.”
“Yes,” I sigh, “but as you mentioned earlier, that could go either way.”
“I might’ve been wrong! Bennett told me he’s very separated.”
My eyebrows fly up. “What do you mean, very?”
“His wife is the one who ended it, and Bennett hates her.”
“It doesn’t really matter how Bennett feels, does it?”
“I told him that, too. He agreed and said it matters what Nax feels, and apparently Nax is not sorry she ended it.
