A low croak echoes through the trees, drawing my eyes up. The ravens land on a branch about five trees ahead of me, the pair of them staring at me as if waiting for me to join them.
“What?” I call out to them. “Tell me what I am supposed to do!” Warm tears fill my eyes. “I don’t know what I am supposed to do!” I shout up at the black birds as if they have the answers. I am tired on not knowing what I am supposed to do. I have no idea what the future holds. I don’t know what I want.
Well, that’s not entirely true. I want my mother to still be my mother. I want my sisters to accept me for who I am, and I want the fact that my real father and my secret adoptive father arranged for me to be taken from my birth family and exchanged with someone else to be completely erased. I want to be Joely Everstar, daughter of Ulysses and Layla, sister to Kate and Eliza. I want all of that still to be true, without giving up the rest. I want to be who I was while keeping my magic and my men.
But deep down, I know that isn’t possible. My magic brought me here, to Blakeborne, and to the Society of Ancient Magic, and then it brought me to Angus, and Marco, and Van. My presence here is part of some larger thing—a prophecy Van has been trying to solve for hundreds of years.
Just thinking about my guys warms my body. I can feel them with me right now, even though I know they are back at the house, content and happy. Angus’s energy is earthy and grounding. The simple act of focusing on him makes everything feel better. Marco is airy and light, like the floaty feeling you get after laughing really hard. Van’s is cool and flowing like a river wrapping itself around me, with him it’s like he’s holding me safe as he pushes the rest of the world away.
I try to ignore Van’s fluid nature as it wafts around the periphery of my awareness. It doesn’t seem fair to draw his essence to me, to enjoy the feel of him, when he’s made it abundantly clear that he doesn’t want me.
Van doesn’t want me.
The ache that brings on takes my breath away. It is one of the reasons I’m here walking instead of curled up in bed next to Angus and Marco. Even after a night full of their loving touch and their obviously ravenous sexual desire, I find myself wanting more. I am falling so hard for those two men, and it isn’t enough. Angus and Marco aren’t enough; I want Van too.
The ravens drop to the ground, strutting across the path as if to keep me from walking on. I stop and watch them, feeling a chill creep down my spine under their stares. I’ve always loved the large black birds, but ever since my magic sparked, leaving me with a raven mark on my chest, I’ve had this eerie sense of connection with them.
My phone pings again, but I don’t even look at it. There’s nothing I can say to my sister that will satisfy her, and I won’t make up excuses or a fake story to make her feel better. No matter what happens with all of this, I will not lie to protect my father or Porter Allbright. Neither of them deserves that. Not from me.
What if Kate learns the truth and then turns her back on me like my mother did? Like my father did. I know that if Kate finds out the truth, she won’t feel the same way about me that she does now. She isn’t going to text me asking me to join the family for the holidays.
I’d rather stay right here. I’d rather exist in this moment where this terrible secret is still contained. I’m separating myself, sure, but that’s my choice, right? And it’s for the best. My truth has the potential to ruin not only her life, but her boyfriend’s life too. I’m not going to tell her. Right now, she wants me in her life. Why speed up the process and position myself to be shut out by yet another person?
Chapter Two
JOELY
I spot the guys as I leave the woods on my way back to the house. The three of them are heading in my direction. Marco smiles and Van scowls as Angus jogs toward me with my coat in his hand.
“You must be frozen.” Angus holds my coat open for me to slide inside. Then he pulls my knit hat out of his pocket and pulls it down onto my head, holding my head still so he can kiss me. His mouth is warm against my frozen face.
“Hey you,” Angus says.
“Hey you,” I whisper.
Angus holds my gaze for a moment, his blue eyes reflecting the brightness of the snow as he rubs the tip of his nose against mine. “You’ve been crying. Is everything all right?”
An electric streak of fear courses through me. I don’t want him to know. I don’t want any of my men to know. What if they realize I am not who I am supposed to be and they push me away? “It’s nothing. I’m okay. Just family stuff.”
Angus presses his fingers into my hips, pulling my body toward him. “I missed waking up to you this morning.”
Marco flashes me a playful grin
