The image felt male, and menacing.
But somehow, familiar.
The door shut, and I lost the tiny grip of the dreams.
I shuffled out of bed and down the hall for a shower, still trying to extract the images from the faded dreams. As I rinsed the shampoo, nothing came back to me. Just little shards of memories, but nothing that was real or tangible. I couldn’t quite tell why it mattered. Why my brain was trying so hard to push the recovery of this image.
That was the most troubling piece of this puzzle. The menacing ache in my stomach. The driving force to remember who or what this image was. Why did it matter, and furthermore, why could I not quite grab it?
The week continued and the dreams played on repeat in my mind. Each morning I woke with frustration and annoyance as I couldn’t quite get the picture to form.
Every morning it continued in the shower, with my brain feeling on edge. It was as if it watched me from the folds of my subconscious, taunting me.
What was so important that it continued to haunt me?
“Hey, can we talk for a minute?” Tyler’s voice broke through my continued fog.
I turned meeting his eyes, completely forgetting how to breathe. “Um, yeah.”
His eyes darted around the room, “In private? It is really important, Savanah.”
My spine rolled with emotions. He hadn’t said my name in that tone for a while, and the sound made my knees rubbery. Unable to form words, I motioned him to lead the way, as if I needed a map to where we were going.
He walked to the Auditorium, holding the door wide while I walked under his arm to go in. Sure, I could have walked around, but at that moment, I couldn’t resist the emotional high I would get just being that close to him.
Silly, I know, but his nearness was irresistible. It made no sense, his tone was serious, his body language announced he was all business, but the 13-year-old girl inside of me couldn’t resist brushing ever so lightly against him.
We walked silently to the basement, sitting in our usual spots, facing each other.
His hat came off, and I could see the beads of sweat around his ears as he hung his head and looked at the floor. His knees supported his arms, and he heaved his chest up, as is finally digging in enough to get the strength to talk to me.
“Look, I know you don’t want to help me. I know somehow, I made you mad, or pissed you off, or whatever,” his eyes met my confused expression. “Hell, I don’t even know if you are for real, but if you are, I seriously need your help.”
“Of course,” my words barely broke the sound plane. “What can I do?” His obvious stress made me want to consciously reach over to him and touch his knee, comforting him.
His head shook, his nostrils flared. “Really?” The veins in his hands strained against his obvious anger. “Never mind. This was stupid.”
Flip-
My mind clicked and anger boiled in my own brain, “Wait, what are you talking about?” I stood, “You don’t get to ask to talk, and then just get pissed when I ask what I can do? What the hell, Tyler? I didn’t do anything. I am not pissed at you; I am not some crazy girl who is following you. I shared a huge secret with you-and secret I have never shared with anyone by the way, and you get all weird, so I give you space. THEN you go off about needing my help and get mad when I tell you because of my concussion my gift isn’t there anymore, and instead of being slightly sorry, or asking how I was doing with it, you get pissed and just leave-stop talking to me, and act like I did something wrong.” I stood silent for a moment and flopped back down on the sofa, “So no Tyler-you don’t get to say really-because, well—really back at you!” My sentence didn’t even make sense, but I was done. As much as I liked him, as attracted to him as I was, the switch between being meek and allowing him to be angry at me for no reason was over.
“It’s because of your concussion?”
“What?”
He cocked his head and looked sideways at me, not fair, not at all fair. “That’s really why your thing isn’t working?”
I shrugged my shoulders, suddenly tired, “I don’t know, I guess so. I can’t figure out why else it’s gone. Whatever was wrong with my brain must have been knocked back into the proper place by the fall,” I leaned back on the sofa, “Nothing has happened since I left the emergency room. I have tried, but obviously I am just officially broken,” I laughed slightly, “Or not broken anymore. Something like that. I don’t know, but I do know it is gone.” My eyes focused on the floor. I had just admitted defeat. I had just verbally admitted that my gift was gone.
Although I had grieved some at home over the break, I had not said it out loud.
“How are you doing with that?” Tyler’s feet moved, and he sat next to me, reaching tentatively for my shoulder, but settled his hand on the back of the sofa.
I shrugged, “I always wanted to be normal, I guess I got my wish.” My eyes couldn’t leave the floor. I knew if I looked up, I wouldn’t be able to see him through the tears that were threatening to sneak out.
His hand gently touched my shoulder, and I felt the first tear escape, rolling down my cheek and landing flamboyantly on my jeans.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t really think about it that way. I just,” He shook his head and exhaled, “Oh I was too focused
