Idiot. Yup. Especially given that all I wanted to do was roll around in my bed with him.
At least, that was what my dick wanted to do. The rest of me was freaking out. It was easy to get lost in how much I wanted him when he was right in front of me—or beneath me—but the moment he’d left yesterday, responsibility had kicked me in the nuts. I’d promised Luke I’d take care of his brother, not get him naked and fuck him. And what if we had fucked? What then? My heart told me it would never be enough, that I wanted far more from Billy than that, but what if I didn’t? What if he didn’t, and I couldn’t deal? What happened to Billy’s safe haven then? When it was tainted by awkwardness and resentment?
I knew exactly what would happen. He’d leave, and with me a permanent fixture in Luke’s life, he wouldn’t come back, and I’d have robbed Luke of the best chance he’d ever had to rebuild his relationship with his brother.
And all because I couldn’t keep my dick in my pants.
Billy came up behind me. I tensed, but he didn’t touch me. Which was worse for my willpower than if he had. To have him so close burned.
“I never pegged you for the moody silent type,” he said. “Something on your mind?”
“Like what?”
“Like whatever has turned you into Luke. I’m the one who spent all day with him yesterday.”
“How did that go?”
“We’re both still alive.”
A chuckle burst free of my tight chest. “That’s good news.”
“Is it? Cos you don’t seem that pleased to see me.”
I forced myself to turn around. He was a heartbeat behind me, face twisted in the faint sneer he usually reserved for other people, but his eyes held something else. Something I found myself wanting to believe he shared only with me. Uncertainty. Vulnerability. The real Billy that hid behind sharp wit and sarcasm. “Course I’m pleased to see you.”
“I wasn’t fishing, mate. Just wondering what was up. You normally chew my ear off.”
“Bit tired, that’s all.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t spend four hours at the gym then.”
Billy stepped back, effectively ending the conversation. In my head, I let him go and went back to murdering the dinner.
Real life me reached out and grabbed his arm. “I didn’t spend four hours at the gym. I spent two there then went to help Mia with her wedding orders.”
Billy glanced at my hand wrapped around his bicep, then turned narrowed eyes to me. “Do you do that a lot?”
“What? Work out for two hours, or help Mia?”
“Either. Both.”
“I help Mia when I can. Her ex left her with a lot of debt, so if I can save her paying someone for grunt work, I do. Luke helps too, but I’m better with the flowers. Got a light touch, see?”
“I do.”
Silence thudded between us. I waited for him to hiss out an impatient breath, spin on his heel, and stomp away, but he didn’t. He slowly peeled my hand from his arm and laced our fingers together, squeezing tight, as if to anchor himself, then he stretched up and kissed me, and once again, the chaos in my brain melted away.
His lips on mine made sense, even if nothing else did, and mindful of everything he’d said, I kept my hips still as my body quickly reacted to him. My dick went from zero to hero in ten seconds flat, but I ignored it and let Billy kiss me the way he wanted to, slow and sweet, his velvet tongue slipping between my lips like a gentle breeze. Never mind the hurricane in my heart.
For long minutes I kept my hands to myself, but eventually the call of Billy’s soft skin won out.
I slid my spare hand down his ribcage and to the hem of his T-shirt. My hand found its way beneath it in the blink of an eye and I flattened my palm across the base of his spine, drawing him closer.
The movement deepened the kiss, and something shifted between us, imperceptible at first, but then like an expanding vortex, sucking me deeper into the black hole of desire I’d carried for Billy too long to count the years.
He pressed up against me, and I felt his dick hard and trapped between us, rubbing along mine, until we were once again, dry humping through our clothes.
Frustration bubbled up inside me, merging with impossible attraction. I didn’t know what to do. I was lost.
Lost in him.
Billy drew back.
I protested with a low groan that seemed to come from someone else.
He gazed up at me with wide eyes, still gripping my hand. “Can we lie on the floor again? I’m scared of your bed, but I like being on the floor with you.”
It broke my confused heart that he was scared of anything, but I’d lie on the floor forever if it made him smile.
Billy
Gus was really good at making me feel like the strange shit that came out of my mouth was normal. He lay on the floor and gazed up at me, waiting for me to join him, and didn’t smirk once at the fact that I was clearly fixated on the bulge in his jeans.
I stretched out beside him. For a moment, it was amazing just to lie beside him, but the tingling in my lips wouldn’t let me stay still for long. I rolled onto my side, edging closer while he watched me. My chest hit his ribcage, and throwing my leg over his was easy. Too easy. I wanted to straddle him. To grind down on him while I kissed him, but I settled for looming over him, hovering, until he took pity on me and
