You could go look for him. There’s only so many places he could be.
But the thought of climbing back in the van made me want to die.
So I didn’t. I slumped on the couch and scowled through a restless doze until my phone roused me sometime later.
Billy. I lunged for it, hurling myself off the couch in the process. My phone was on the floor. I landed next to it and Mia’s face flashed up on the screen. Disappointment crushed me, but I answered anyway. Ignoring my sister was an ordeal I wasn’t down for right now. “What?”
“Charming,” she snapped. “Is that how you’ve been speaking to Billy?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means he just blew through here and told Luke he’s going back up north. What the hell have you done?”
“I haven’t done anything. And what do you mean up north? He didn’t come from up north in the first place.”
“Not this time, but he was living in Birmingham when he got hurt, remember? I think that’s what he meant, he wasn’t making much sense.”
“Birmingham isn’t up north. It’s the Midlands.”
“That’s what you’re going with? Do you even give a shit that Luke’s going to lose his brother all over again if you let this happen?”
“If I ‘let’ this happen? When did their family drama become my responsibility? I can’t keep Billy here if he wants to be somewhere else.”
“No, but you can make it easier for him to stay. Come on, Gus. Don’t pretend you don’t know what’s happening here. You hooked up with him, didn’t you? And then you did what you always do and rolled out of bed without looking back.”
Everything she thought she knew was assumption. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“So you didn’t fuck him?”
“What’s that got to do with anything?”
Mia launched into a string of French cursing, and it got under my skin more than any rinsing she could give me in English. Each word left a wound, and my slow-burn temper rumbled to life.
“Listen, I don’t know what Billy said to you, but if he’s serious about leaving town, there’s far more bothering him than whatever I’ve screwed up, okay? Have you even asked Luke about it, or did you have me on speed dial for this rubbish?”
“Of course I asked Luke, but he walked out without talking to me.”
“To follow Billy?”
“I don’t know. He didn’t fucking say. All I know is he can’t lose Billy again. Don’t you understand that? He’s lost enough. Dammit, Gus. Why couldn’t you keep your dick in your pants, just for once?”
Mia had the kind of temper that burned bright and hot. She said anything and everything that crossed her mind, without thought for if it was fair. I had a thick skin, and her imminent apologies were usually enough for her jagged words to wash over me, but not today.
Today everything hurt, and I was done being shouted at and not heard.
I ended the call and tossed my phone on the floor, half expecting Mia to call straight back and pick up where she’d left off, but my phone stayed silent. Apparently it wasn’t just Billy who thought I was a heartless fuckboy.
It was everyone.
Billy
It took me a few hours to calm my fucking tits. By then I’d shouted at Luke, punched his garden gate to bits, and bought a bottle of rum, only to tip it down a storm drain.
Then I remembered I was a melodramatic man child who’d never learned to not react to the very first emotion that blasted my consciousness. A moron who smashed shit up first, and never got round to asking the questions after. But I wasn’t the same moron who’d pedalled into Rushmere all those weeks ago. If I was, I’d have been halfway to my next disaster by the time it occurred to me that nothing Gus had ever done had made me think he was a duplicitous piece of shit, and he deserved a chance to speak, even if the last thing on earth he owed me was an explanation.
Gus had given me so much already.
He owed me nothing.
All the same, shame was a jagged pill to swallow before I shuffled home to face the music.
The house was dark. Grey sat in the living room window, glaring at me through the moonlit glass. I couldn’t be sure if he was cross that I’d left him behind, or mocking my stupidity, and I wouldn’t have blamed him for either. How ironic was it that I’d come to Gus’s house to protect him, only to flounce out and forget all about him? I really was trash.
I let myself in. Silence greeted me, but I sensed eyes that weren’t Grey’s on me, and looked up to find Gus was in the living room too, sitting on the very edge of the couch, his large body as tense as a live wire.
His easy smile gone as though it had never been there at all.
Guilt hit me like a falling stone. I leant in the doorway. Apologies had never been my forte, but I was about to give myself a crash course. “I’m sorry. I had no right to read your messages and get up in your face about them.”
Gus’s dark gaze flickered. “That’s what you’re sorry for? That you looked?”
“Yeah. I was borrowing your internet when they popped up, and I couldn’t help myself.”
“Why not?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, why couldn’t you stop yourself looking? Why was it so important that you knew what I was allegedly up to on Grindr behind your back?”
“It wasn’t behind my back. It’s not like we’re—”
“Not like we’re what?” Gus stood and crossed the room with two long strides. He came close enough that I could feel the warmth radiating from his skin, but touching seemed impossible. “Family? Friends? Lovers? Cos last time I checked, we were all those things, but apparently you’re leaving, so...”
Damn. News travelled fast. I wondered if it had been Luke or Mia
