“That’s horrible.”
“It’s a typical Gram Hammer-’Em-Into-Submission move.”
“Jonah won’t give in to get the money.”
“He won’t. And I’m proud of him for finally standing up to her.”
“Where will he live when he sells the house?”
“He and Ryan are looking for a place together.”
“Are you sad to lose the house where you grew up?”
“Yes and no. I’ll miss it, but I have a lot of bad associations.”
Raven supposed most of that had to do with her abduction and Ellis leaving.
She pulled into the parking lot of the church where the meeting was held.
“Why don’t you come in for some laughs?” River said.
“I have to read a book for school.”
“Your loss,” he said, getting out.
The first few times, Raven had gone in with him. But that was too much hand-holding. He had to want to get better on his own. As it was, she had to talk him into the meetings too often.
When he came out, he was in a quiet mood. And when River was quiet, it was hard not to notice. He remained silent as she drove to get dinner at a restaurant, as they often did after meetings.
While they waited for their food, she asked, “What did you talk about in the meeting today?”
“You, as a matter of fact,” he said.
“What about me?”
“Your abduction. I’d never told them about that before.”
“Do you remember it well?”
“Oh yeah, I remember it,” he said in a biting tone.
“You were only four.”
“Four and a half.” He stared out the restaurant window. When he turned back to her, he said, “The thing is, I was more responsible than anyone has ever told you. At first, Mom took all the blame. Like, all of it. That was what screwed her up so bad. But, as you know, Dad told us he’s to blame. I have to admit, that was a real shocker when he told us Mom had seen him kissing Irene that day.”
It had been a shock. The day before Jonah and Jasper drove back to New York last summer, Jonah had sat his children down and told them Ellis saw him kiss his lover the day of the abduction. That was why she’d taken her children to the woods. She was comforted by the forest, and she’d gone there to think about what to do. She had decided to divorce Jonah, but she’d been so upset, she left her baby in the parking lot.
“Mom knows the truth, but she never talks about it,” River said. “I was the one who distracted her and made her put you down in the parking lot. I spilled my tadpoles in the car, and I was being a total shit about it. I screamed my head off and made Mom put all the tadpoles back in the jar.” Tears magnified his blue-gray irises. “She forgot she hadn’t put you in the car because of me.”
“You were a little boy. Of course you’d cry when your tadpoles spilled. It wasn’t your fault.”
“I was a little shit then, and I’m a big shit now. And if you think these meetings will change any of that, you’re as deluded as everyone else. Right now, I want a drink so bad I’d get one if I still had my fake ID.”
“No you wouldn’t.”
“You can’t stop me! I’m a train wreck! Don’t you see that?”
She went to his side of the booth and put her arms around him.
“Stop it!” he hissed. “You look like an idiot!”
She held on to him.
“Let me go!” he growled.
“No.”
“You’re even more screwed up by all of this than I am! You know that, right? You’re a mess. You’re acting crazy. Are you aware of that?”
People in the restaurant were looking at them. She didn’t care. She wouldn’t let him go.
“Oh my god! Okay, I get the point. Unconditional love is so awesome. Now get off me.”
“Are you a train wreck?” she asked.
“No. I’m The Little Engine That Could. You can let me go.”
She let go. “What is The Little Engine That Could?”
“A book my grandfather used to read to Jasper and me. It sucked. Now get on your side of the table.”
She returned to her side.
“You need to back off,” he said seriously.
“Why?”
“Because what you’re doing just triggers the contrarian in me.”
“What am I doing?”
“Caring too much.”
“Do you really want me to care less?”
“Yes.”
She leaned across the table. “The day of the accident, I didn’t let you drown in that water, and I won’t let you drown now. I hardly knew you that day, but I cared. I cared a lot whether you lived or died. You’re my brother, and you’re my friend. You can be as contrarian and mean to me as you want, but I’m still going to care.”
“What if I throw you into an alligator pit?”
“You already did that.”
He laughed. “Were there alligators that day? Did you see any?”
“I was too busy saving our lives to notice. But Ellis said there are a lot in that place.”
“Would you have wrestled an alligator for me?”
“Yes.”
“Would you battle Godzilla for me?”
“Yes.”
“Do you know who Godzilla is?”
“No.”
“You see? You really don’t know what you’re getting into with me.”
Maybe she didn’t. Who could know their future with a person they cared about? And even if they did somehow find out something bad was going to happen with that person, would they give up on them? Let them suffer alone? Love couldn’t be removed like a thorn from a thumb.
Three days later, the hurricane hit and River’s Saturday AA meeting was canceled. Good thing, because Ellis and Maxine needed their help getting nursery plants into shelter. Overnight, the storm’s path had changed. It would skirt the eastern coast as it traveled northward, bringing much stronger winds inland than at first predicted. There was a possibility it would make landfall over the central part of the peninsula. Ellis said if that happened, the wind could cause damage to the nursery.
The rain and wind started late in the morning. Raven was soaked. And exhausted. She’d moved a
