“So what? Have your dreams really changed so much?”
Ellis wouldn’t tell her the truth. She didn’t have dreams anymore. She had no idea what she wanted in her future. It had become a big blank. She didn’t know why or if that would change someday. Maybe she’d be like Caleb and wander all her life.
“I’d better go,” she said. “Thank you. And tell Brad thanks, too.”
Dani finally hugged her when she realized Ellis wasn’t going to stay. She had tears in her eyes.
“Come on! Why are you crying?”
“I’m afraid for you. I’m afraid I’ll never see you again.”
“Why would you think that?”
“Because no one knew where you were for a year and a half, and when you finally appeared, you looked like you’d nearly been killed!”
“Remember, if Jonah calls, don’t tell him any of that. Don’t say I was here. You promised.”
“Is that really all you care about right now?”
“Bye, Dani.”
Ellis drove away, leaving Dani on the lawn with her arms crossed. She wanted to put Florida behind her. Not that she’d hated her week in Gainesville. Dani and Brad had been welcoming, the city was a decent but typical college town, and the warm weather had been a nice change. But everything about Gainesville, Florida, reminded her of the reason she was there. And she wanted to forget that.
She had a long drive ahead to the Georgia campground. She looked at the clock. She shouldn’t have let Dani slow her down. She wouldn’t get there until twilight. Or past, if she ran into bad traffic.
That didn’t matter. She’d set up her tent in the dark often enough.
Ellis took a deep breath. And another. She didn’t understand the peculiar feeling in her head. Like it was full of humming bees. She felt dizzy. She shifted the car out of cruise control. A semitruck sidled up to her in the right lane. Too close. It was too close. She slowed down more, clenching the steering wheel with both hands.
Her lips were numb. Her whole face was. She took another deep breath but couldn’t get it all the way into her lungs. She tried again, but it seemed like her chest couldn’t expand wide enough. She needed more air.
She must be having a bad reaction to her antibiotic. She’d taken her last dose a few hours earlier. The huge truck on the right roared past her. Then a car, the driver staring at her. Everyone was going around her. She felt sick. She was going to pass out.
So many people zooming past. She couldn’t get over to the right. She braked even more. She was going only about thirty-five. What was she doing? That was dangerous on a big highway. She wanted to cry, but she was too frightened to risk giving in to emotion.
When a gap finally opened, she pulled into the right lane, pressed the brake, and steered onto the highway shoulder.
Shaking, sweating. She’d been certain she was going to die. But she couldn’t understand why. She finally started to sob.
Her SUV rocked as vehicles sped past. They were coming too close. Her breaths weren’t enough again. What was wrong with her? It had to be anaphylaxis from the medicine. She picked up her phone and typed in Dani’s number.
“Hello?” Dani said.
“Dani . . . there’s something wrong with me. I can’t breathe. It’s the medicine. I’m going to pass out!”
“Ellis! Should I call 911?”
“No. I don’t know for sure what’s wrong. Can you come? Can you come here?”
“Where are you?”
“On 75. Not far from the entrance ramp from your house. On the shoulder.”
“I’m coming. I’m coming as fast as I can! I need to hang up but try to stay calm.”
Ellis turned off the car. She slid the seat back from the steering wheel and lowered the backrest. She curled on her side, facing away from the traffic. She closed her eyes and concentrated on breathing.
She didn’t lose consciousness and she didn’t get worse. Now she understood what was wrong. She was having a panic attack. She’d had mild ones in the past but never like this, never so bad she’d thought she would die.
The revelation was devastating. It meant something she knew deep down but didn’t want to believe. She was too scared to go camping alone. The one tool she had, the thing that could save her, was ruined forever.
She was crying when Dani arrived at the passenger side of the car, knocking frantically on the window. “Open up! Ellis, unlock the car!”
Ellis sat up and released the lock. Dani jumped into the passenger seat and closed the door against the sound of traffic. “How are you? Are you sure I shouldn’t call 911?”
“I’m having a panic attack. A really bad one.”
“Ellis!” She held Ellis in her arms over the console. “Are you feeling better now?”
“Yes. Well, no. Because I think I know why.”
“Why?”
“When it started, I was thinking about arriving at the campground at night.”
Dani looked into her eyes. “Is that where you were attacked by that man? In a campground at night?”
“It was two men. During the day. But the campground was completely empty because it was a weekday and it’s cold up there.”
Dani took Ellis’s hand. “Why did they beat you?”
“You know why.”
“Oh no. No . . .” Tears pooled in her eyes.
“They didn’t do it,” Ellis said.
Her eyes went wide. “You fought them off?”
“I stabbed one of them. Bad. The other had to take him to get help.”
“Oh my god!”
“I think he may have died.”
“You don’t know? The police didn’t tell you?”
“I never told the police.”
“What? Why not?”
Ellis put her hands over her face. “Dani . . . there’s so much you don’t know.” She moved her hands away and looked into Dani’s eyes. “Even since we were close at school.”
“I know,” she said.
“I’m sorry. It’s not you. It’s hard for me to get close to people.”
“I know that, too.” She squeezed Ellis’s hand. “I’ve always admired you. You’re so strong
