She nodded.
“Tell Mom you’re doing homework?” Huck asked when they headed for the stairs.
“Yeah, I’m sure she’ll believe that,” Jackie said.
“Don’t study too hard,” Reece said, and he and Huck sniggered.
Jackie turned on the light and closed the door. He’d repainted, a stormy blue-gray replacing the pastel blue. The bed was bigger, making the room feel smaller. On his desk and dresser were photographs of him with his father and family, many from their camping trips. The only decorations on the walls were a mirror over his dresser and a corkboard covered with photographs of friends and other memorabilia that dated back to elementary school. Raven was in a few of the photographs from school events. Scattered over the board were stickers from places he’d visited—Mount Rainier, Yellowstone, Grand Canyon—and conservation messages: THINK GREEN, PLANT POWER, RECYCLE. Jackie said he was going to study conservation biology in college.
“You still have the stars,” she said, looking up at the white ceiling with plastic stars.
“I wanted them gone when I started middle school, but they tore the plaster when we pulled a few off. We decided to leave them on rather than redo the ceiling.”
“I like them.”
“Then I’m glad they’re still here.” He took her in his arms. “What do you want to do?”
“We could play Chutes and Ladders.”
“I don’t think we have that game anymore.”
“Candy Land?”
He grinned. “That sounds like code for something else.”
“It does. Let’s play.” She lifted the bottom of his sweatshirt up his chest.
“You really do move fast.”
“I only want to look.”
“Yeah? Can’t wait till it’s my turn.”
She studied his bare chest. She thought of the day she’d first met him, when he, Huck, and Reece swam in the deep pool in the creek. His tanned body had been smooth and soft. Now he had some hair on his chest, and his shape was that of a man, contoured with beautiful bulges of muscle.
He was as easy about her looking at him as he’d been about kissing her. Maybe because he’d been with other girls. “What do you think?” he asked, holding his arms out.
“Remember Huck used to say you were Jolly in Candy Land? You’re King Kandy now.”
“I guess I’ll take that as a compliment?”
“You should.” She ran her fingers along the line of man fuzz below his navel. “When did you get this?”
He made a soft laugh. “I don’t remember exactly.”
“It’s nice.”
“You keep touching me there and it’ll be way too nice.” He removed her hand and pressed her close to kiss her. “Is it my turn now?”
“You’re going to take off my sweater?”
“I’d love to check out the Gumdrop Mountains. But if my mother comes up here, she’ll freak.”
“Will she come up?”
“I don’t know.”
“I want to see the stars.”
She turned off the overhead light. A constellation of stars glowed greenish white above them. She lay on her back to look at them. “I always wanted to see these stars again.”
He stretched out next to her. “Only the stars?”
“And you.”
He leaned over and kissed her. “Will we be able to see each other during the vacation?”
“I want to.”
“I know. We have to figure out a way.”
She imagined asking Mama if she could go out with him. If he were anyone but the boy who lived in the house she’d forbidden, it would be much easier. But maybe Mama didn’t care about that now. She didn’t have the energy to care about much.
Jackie stroked his fingers on her face. “Raven . . . ?”
“Yes?”
“Will you tell me what’s going on? I know something’s been wrong since you came back from Montana.”
“My mother is sick.”
“Physically?”
“Yes. Her heart.”
All the forbidden words spilled out. She didn’t know why.
“I think she’s going to die, Jackie.”
“Raven, I’m so sorry. Did a doctor say that?”
“She won’t go to a doctor.”
“She has to! Maybe they can do surgery.”
“She won’t. I’ve tried.”
“Why won’t she?”
“I think because of her mother. She died in a hospital, and my mother said she died without dignity.”
“But maybe they could fix what’s wrong and she wouldn’t die.”
“I know. I tried . . . she made me promise . . .” The weight of it broke through. All the ache poured out in her sobs.
Jackie held her. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he said.
“Where will I go if she dies? What will I do?”
“It’ll be okay. Maybe she won’t die.”
“She’s getting worse and worse.”
“You said you have an aunt. Can she help?”
“I’m not allowed to tell her.”
“Maybe you should break that promise.”
“I can’t! My aunt will put her in a hospital. They’ll attach her to machines. She doesn’t want that. She has a right to be in control of what happens to her body, doesn’t she?”
“I don’t know. She’s put you in an impossible situation.”
Raven cried harder.
Someone tapped on the door.
“Jackie?” Ms. Danner said. “What’s going on? Why is Raven crying?”
“Crap,” Jackie whispered. He pulled on his sweatshirt and turned on the desk lamp before opening the door.
His mother surveyed Raven wiping her tears. “I don’t want to pry, but I’m obviously concerned.”
“Raven told me something . . . ,” he said.
Raven shook her head. Ms. Danner saw.
“It’s private,” he said.
“I understand,” she said. “I came up to say Raven should go home. I heard her crying . . . I didn’t mean to eavesdrop.”
“It’s okay,” Raven said.
“Can I help in any way?” she asked.
“No. Thank you,” Raven said.
“Honey, I’m worried that your mother doesn’t know where you are in this storm. I really think you should go home.”
“Okay,” Raven said.
Ms. Danner took Raven in her arms. “We’re always here for you, Raven. Anything you need, please ask.”
Raven hugged her, thought of that night long ago when she’d told her she wished she lived at her house. Saying it had made her feel terribly guilty, and she’d had to run away. In a way, she still felt like that same little girl running across Hooper’s field.
Huck and Reece saw that Raven had been crying, curbing the expected jokes about what they’d been doing upstairs. They both hugged Raven goodbye. “Are you okay?” Reece whispered in
