And it hits me, if I bring this woman here, will she be the devil that tempts Birdie? Is this something that I can be okay with? Or does knowing if she is indeed a mirage or a reality mean more to me than the safety of my country, of her?
I excuse Ernest and decide that I must think on this long and hard before I make any major decisions. I must weigh all of the options and decide what is worth it, and what is not. My life does not matter and my happiness does not weigh into any of this.
I need to do what is best for this entire country—for this world.
BIRDIE
My plan is shoddy at best. But it’s a plan nonetheless. I wasn’t able to tap into Dru during my bath and now that I’ve been dressed in my nightgown and had a little food without the restriction of my corset, I am all settled into bed and feel almost cozy.
Home.
I’m allowing this place to feel too much like a home. Pressing my lips together, I close my eyes and will myself to be sent to Arion in the barn. I think about his white coat, how soft it was, I recall his voice in my head, and envision myself in front of him hoping that’s all it takes to send me there.
A door slams and I jerk, opening my eyes to see that I’m still in the bedroom, and Colt is standing in front of me. His arms crossed over his chest, his gaze focused on me and nowhere else.
“Did you eat?” he asks, unmoving.
Licking my lips, I’m not sure whether I feel disappointed at not being able to transfer myself or not. Because to be honest, I am loving the way Colt is watching me right now. He looks like he’s a hungry predator searching for his prey.
My breathing starts coming in pants as I watch him slowly stalk across the room toward me. His mouth turns up into a shit-eating grin and he slides his tongue along his bottom lip before his teeth sink into the skin.
“I did,” I exhale.
He nods his head once, as he stands at the side of the bed, his gaze focused on mine. “I was angry when you read Adelaide’s journal. I walked away so that I did not take that anger out on you. I realize that we have been thrust into a situation that is strange, something neither of us ever anticipated.”
“But?” I ask when he doesn’t continue.
“There is no but, darlin’. We’re in this together and you have to realize that, you have to accept that so that we can live in harmony.”
I think about throwing a fit, because let’s face it, it’s not me who has not accepted any of this. It’s not me who hasn’t been living in harmony. It’s not me who has been a downright bear. And it’s not me who ran away like a coward.
Clearing my throat, I decide not to say any of what I’m actually thinking. Because I am thinking quite a bit right about now.
Instead, I only nod my head, my eyes never leaving his. He must find that my response is good enough for him and my breath hitches when he begins to strip out of his clothes.
“Don’t you want to wait until tomorrow, our wedding night?”
He snorts, shaking his head as he continues to take all of his clothes off until he’s completely bared to me. I try not to be affected by his body, but I fail completely. I feel hot, my blood warming beneath the surface of my skin, slowly getting hotter and hotter with each passing second.
“Colt,” I breathe.
“No, darlin’, I don’t want to wait. I want you right now.”
With those words, he wraps his hand around his length and begins to stroke himself. Rising to my knees, I hike my nightgown up as I crawl toward the edge of the bed, closer to him, almost close enough to touch him.
Colt lifts his hand, cupping my cheek, his eyes focus on mine as his thumb slides across my bottom lip.
“There is no waiting when it comes to us, Birdie. Whatever comes our way, we’ll overcome.”
I don’t know if his words are for me or if he’s trying to convince himself. It doesn’t matter. I lift my hand, wrapping my fingers around his wrist and tug on his hand. Pressing his palm against my chest, I allow him to feel my rapidly beating heart.
“I wish my heart didn’t beat like this for you. Life would be a lot easier if it didn’t,” I whisper.
He nods his head, his chin staying tipped down as he looks into my eyes. “I know, darlin’.”
He says the words with true conviction. He means them. It would be easier if we weren’t drawn to one another, if we didn’t feel love for one another, love that neither of us can explain. I’ve never believed in love at first sight before, only lust, and yet here I am, feeling what I can only describe as love for him.
I don’t understand any of it, the only explanation that I can even fathom is the story of all of this being some kind of spell or fate cast by his gods, and even then, it’s not really a true explanation to me.
Without another word, he reaches for the hem of my nightgown and slowly peels it from my body, throwing the oversized gauzy white fabric to the side. He doesn’t pounce on me the way I anticipate, reaching for his wrist again, I press his palm against the center of my bare chest, between my breasts.
He grins as his gaze holds mine, then he shakes off my hand and glides his fingers over to my breast, cupping me and feeling the weight of my flesh in his palm,
