“It means you are magically bound to this world. You’ll never be able to transport yourself home. This is your new home, and you must go to your husband or the next fainting spell could be detrimental to the babe.”
“No,” I exhale shakily. “He doesn’t want me. What don’t all of you understand?” I shout. I am acting irrationally, I know this, but I can’t stop myself as I continue to irrationally ramble. It comes out and I can’t control it. “Colton James does not want me, he loves me, but not by choice. He chooses to love, miss, and adore his dead wife. Not me, and it never will be me. I don’t want to stay with him, I don’t want to be with him. You don’t know what it’s like, he looks at me, but he doesn’t see me, he sees that I’m not her and that’s all.”
Sybilla squeezes my hand and only then do I stop my rambling. She shifts her gaze from me to the witches and she clears her throat.
“Can she just stay there until the baby is born, then come back here?”
I open my mouth, then snap it closed. Months, can I stay there for months? There’s no way he’s going to want to be celibate, and I’m not sure I can tell him no… well, I know without a doubt that I won’t be able to tell him no.
“Perhaps. We can try it, but I have a feeling that something bad may happen to either one of them if that was allowed. The pain she feels by being separated will no doubt intensify and the babe may feel the same anguish. This is new, we don’t know exactly what the gods have put into motion.”
Pinching my eyes closed, I grind my teeth together, then I make a decision.
“Take me back to Devilrise, now.”
Chapter Thirty-Six
COLT
It has been over a day since I have seen Birdie, since I have realized she was even missing. I am angry, not just with her, but with myself as well. I don’t even know if she is safe, I hope that she is, but it’s on me to know and I simply do not at this point.
Aside from the physical pain that I keep experiencing from our separation, there is also an ache in my chest that I cannot ignore. I miss her. I think about Temperance and Adelaide. I think about the pain that I felt when they were ripped from me. It is nothing like the pain that I feel now.
I should be ashamed that I am thinking this way, that I am comparing the aches and pain that I feel from missing Birdie to my wife and daughter, but I am. I know that some of the feelings I have are created by the gods, but I also know that Adelaide and Temperance are at peace. They are no longer hurting and they are with the gods, in blissful peace.
I will never forget them, and yet, I must move forward. There is no moving on from a loss so great, but I must move forward and with Birdie, it is almost exciting to see what the future holds for us.
Someone clears their throat behind me and I slowly turn my head, looking back over my shoulder to see who it is. Martha stands there, her hands clasped in front of her apron as she watches me. Arching a brow, I wait to hear what she has to say, since she indeed has something on her mind.
“I have kept quiet,” she begins. Turning completely around, I cross my arms over my chest and focus on her. “It has been difficult to do, but I have.”
“However?” I prompt.
“However, I cannot simply sit back and allow this to happen. She is your match, not only because the gods created her for you, but just simply because she is. You are keeping her at a distance and ruining what a wonderful life you could have.”
“You don’t understand,” I grunt.
“Why? Because of Adelaide?” She snorts. “I understand plenty. You’re choosing to think of her as a perfect creature and not remembering the fact that Adelaide was human, as are you. Yes, you were married and I have no doubt that you loved her, but she was not perfection personified and it is okay for you to love again. You must give yourself permission, Colton.”
There is a noise off in the distance, I hear a man shout and then others stand and shout, looking up to the sky. I lift my gaze, following their line of sight and my eyes widen. It’s Arion with a passenger.
“Colton,” Martha calls out.
My body jolts and I look over to her again. “Be kind, be gentle, and show her your devotion.”
She doesn’t allow me to respond, though I hadn’t had any words anyway. She turns around and walks back into the house. Clearing my throat, I walk out from beneath the porch covering and make my way toward them just as Arion lands.
You did not tell me you were coming.
He doesn’t answer right away and it is beginning to anger me, considering I have been trying to reach out to him for days. The new men that have arrived are already all set up in their new camp, supplies have come and the bordello is set up as well.
I cringe at the thought of the woman that is in the house. Daisy seems nice enough, she stays to herself and hasn’t tried to make any type of advance. The fact that Bessie pushed her on me is an annoyance that I haven’t dealt with yet. But now that Birdie is back, I need Daisy gone.
You are not my master. I’ve done what I needed and brought her back to you, for the prophecy and the country.
He
