“It would just be so painful if he said no again,” I said, “and for him to leave after he’d kill Sean, why would he want to come back?”
Because he was running to explore himself. To get his head right. But he doesn’t think you’ll take him back if he comes to you.
I hated that I was smarter than I wanted to be. I would’ve loved to be emotionally stupid, chalk this up as a done deal, and wipe my hands clean and move forward. If only.
Maybe I had it wrong with Emily. Maybe I didn’t need to wait for him to come and find me. Maybe I needed to go and find him.
I knew he lived in Breckenridge somewhere. Small enough town that it wasn’t sprawling, large enough that we wouldn’t all just congregate at the same weekend spot. And even if it was, I didn’t want to rely on serendipity to see him again.
But was that smart? Would it be weak?
That didn’t fucking matter. In a year’s time, if things worked out, it wouldn’t matter who had the courage to ask first. It would just matter that we’d both reached the same spot. Who was first would not mean a damn thing.
But where?
You know where.
I gulped.
“Charlotte,” I said, “I know where your father will be. And I’m going to go see him tonight.”
She may not have been able to speak yet, but her eyes said three words all by themselves. Go get him.
“I will.”
It was just after 5 p.m. The sun had already begun setting on Breckenridge, setting up another chilly night. I walked up to the ski lodge where my life had changed two years ago, opened the door, and looked to the far end of the bar.
I was right.
Chapter 24: Liam
I swore, this old fucking ski lodge bar was going to be the death of me.
I didn’t even know why I came there. It was out of the way of my usual spots. And yet, there I was, with no obvious reason, and I was sitting in the same damn corner where I’d called myself Trent and introduced myself to the woman that would become the mother of my child.
Maybe I really did want to get caught. Maybe I was secretly into the idea of Kelly walking in.
Unlikely, though. I was a DOM, not a teenager leaving life up to chance. And yet, for as much as I thought of myself as a DOM, I sure had done an awful lot of reflecting and thinking about how maybe, just maybe, I needed to get my shit together.
Kelly knew the risks in the first place, and she’d still invited me to hang out with her and Charlotte. No, not just hang out—really spend quality time with. And not just the sex, though fuck, thinking about her ass…
Maybe Scott had a fucking point. Maybe this life we led was good when we were twenty and just looking to chase ass, thrills, and praise. Maybe this life we led was good when we were thirty and looking to chase ass, expertise, and pay.
But now, at this point in the game?
I didn’t worry about getting laid. Feeling like I was the best in the world at what I did was nice, but it wasn’t as fulfilling as, well, relationships. And praise and pay? I had plenty of that.
Scott had gotten out and was now with Kaylie. For as much as I’d thought he was a fucking idiot for doing that, he sure seemed mighty content and happy splitting his time between Maine, New York City, and Portugal. Every time he asked me to take over DOM, it was done with less of a snarky, sarcastic attitude and more of a weirdly relaxed vibe. Granted, by real-world standards, Scott was still a hardass.
I heard someone enter the tavern, but I didn’t look up. I was looking inward too much. Maybe I needed to go to Kelly. Maybe I needed to say something to her. I had many threats, but her greatest threat was gone. That had to count for something, right?
At the very least, I owed it to Charlotte to be around—
“Rough day, huh?”
I looked up. It clicked that I’d heard those words before in this very bar.
I’d been the one to say them two years ago. And now, Kelly was the one saying them to me.
“Rough month,” I said, “a whole lotta thinking and reflecting and contemplation.”
“Oh, I bet.”
It was difficult for me to gauge if she was pissed off, playing a part, or just feeling me out. Time away from her had not made me forget everything, but it had removed just enough from my conscience that I was clearly rusty.
“Tell me what you’ve been up to.”
I felt there were some unspoken words in her tone, a sort of gentle reminder that I needed to do more than just say only what I had physically done.
“A shitload of deep thinking,” I said.
Kelly said nothing to that. The bartender came over, but I gently waved her away, and she got the hint quickly enough, moving to a different section.
“I left you a month ago because I said it was for your and Charlotte’s safety. And in a sense, that is true. You don’t have your competitors and enemies chasing after you in accounting or marketing.”
I took a sip of my beer. I took a deep breath and controlled the pace of breathing gently.
“But in another sense, it was only part of the story. I…”
No, this wasn’t working.
I turned and looked Kelly in the eyes. She had to know everything that I was going to say—everything. I couldn’t be looking up, avoiding eye contact.
