She grabbed another book, and bent to put it on the second lowest shelf. Jesus Christ, the view she was giving me … I couldn’t help myself. I groaned, but quickly turned it into a strangled cough when she angled her head to look behind her. Snapping straight up, eyes wide, she spun away from me and marched out of my life. Once again. Smart woman. Yeah, that just confirmed what I already thought. The chances that she would want someone like me, a man who lets down the people who need him? Jack shit.
Turning to look out the windows, I used the view of the buildings to block out the darkness. Seeing the beauty of man’s creations opened a conduit of hope that one day, maybe, I could imagine something great. Something truly worthwhile that could take form in concrete and steel.
I moved on, my mind returning to my original plan. But my feet stuck to the carpet, refusing to go any further when I saw the back of a familiar dark head.
“Ben?”
He crouched down, checking out the bottom shelf. His head turned my way, and a huge toothy smile took over his face. “Mate! How the heck are ya?”
“Shh,” someone hissed from their study corner.
I motioned to the stairs, my eyebrows raised in question. Nodding his head, he stood and we shook hands, vigorously.
At six foot, Ben was a little shorter than me. He made up for it in layers of muscle. His dark hair and blue eyes were always a favourite with the opposite sex.
We found a seat on the fourth floor.
“I haven’t seen you for, what … four years?” I was still amazed to see him there.
“Yeah, since I moved to Bris Vegas for uni. What are you doing here? Don’t tell me you’re finally getting your degree?”
“Yup, finally.” I put my hands in my pockets, my shoulders kissing my earlobes.
I hadn’t exactly been in a position to start my degree. Until now. I’d rather not be starting it, because this opportunity for a better future for me meant that someone I love had theirs taken away. I’d give anything to give it back. Seeing my old mate had the memories flooding every cell of my body. I crossed my arms to hold it all in, embracing the good ones and blocking out the bad.
Ben and I went to school together. We had so much in common that we became fast friends. Our only difference in opinion was which rugby code was the best. He was a rugby union fan, while I was all for rugby league. After finishing high school, we decided to get some building site experience together before starting our degrees. Both of us wanted to study architectural design. Life cleared him a free path to the try line, while I got tackled and stretchered off before I’d even begun.
“That’s great mate. Congrats. It’s a lot of work, but it’s worth it in the end.”
“You’d be up to the masters now, right?”
He nodded. “Uh huh. Hopefully, I’ll be able to register as an architect by the end of this year.”
“Brilliant. Maybe I can pick your brain if I need some help?”
“No worries.” He shrugged his shoulders.
Ben was my best friend, but we drifted apart when my life became complicated, and he moved down to Brisbane to start his degree. I was jealous, I admit. He had it all. He was on his way to a great career, and I was supposed to be there with him. He had a great girl who thought he was everything. I had responsibilities that most twenty-one-year-olds didn’t have to worry about. I honestly was happy for him. Things had changed for both of us. I wanted to go back to the way things were before life put my plans in a blender.
“How’s Andrea?” I asked, after an awkward pause.
“She’s fantastic. She wants ankle biters soon, but I want to wait until my studies are done and dusted …. She’s still pissed at you for not coming to the wedding.”
I dropped my head, and stared into the hole I’d dug for myself. “I’m sorry, mate, I had a lot of shit going on at the time.”
He patted me on the shoulder. “I know. I get it. Stewart did a shitty job with the best man speech. You would have done it better, but it’s all good.”
I gave him half a smile, nodding my head. I could just imagine how Andrea’s brother, Stewart, would’ve made everybody cringe at his crass remarks. The bloke was the definition of a bogan.
“How’s Midget?”
The smile dropped off my face instantly. I drew in a deep shaky breath. Bowing my head again, I looked up at him through my lashes. “She’s gone.”
“Gone? What …? Back to Rocky?” His face scrunched in confusion.
“No. She—she died,” I choked out.
His mouth fell open, shaking his head in disbelief. “What? No.”
“Six months ago.”
“Oh, fuck. I’m so sorry, man.”
He grabbed me in a half hug, slapping my back with his other hand. I closed my eyes to will the tears away. I was relieved when he didn’t ask any more questions. Grown men didn’t cry, especially not in public. We didn’t hug each other either, unless
