He tugged me backwards to sit on him, keeping us connected, my knees resting outside of his. As he peppered the side of my face with kisses, his palms rubbed my nipples. “Are you sore?”
“A bit. But in a good way.”
“Now that I’ve unwrapped you, I don’t want to cover you up. If we lived together you’d have to walk around naked.”
Ooh. I could imagine it all too well and my core clenched around him. Bending over to get the milk out of the fridge and him taking me from behind. Him sitting at the dinner table and me bouncing in his lap. Him coming home from work and me climbing on to welcome him. “Same rules would apply for you.”
“Mm-hmm.” He jiggled my girls in his hands, watching in the mirror.
“Pfft. You’re a boob man.”
“Yes, I am.”
I climbed off and stood next to the bed, grabbing at the mattress as my legs wobbled.
“You okay?” He steadied my shoulder.
“Yeah. Sort of. I need to lie down.”
He moved over and patted the bed. After ripping a tissue from the box on my nightstand, he took care of the condom before lying beside me. His arm was under my neck and around my shoulders. My arm was across his chest, leg rested on top of his. I kissed his stubbly chin. He kissed the tip of my nose.
We closed our eyes and went to sleep.
Ben
Brisbane, Australia
30th of December, 2016
I took off Sebastian’s nappy, exposing his scrawny little body. After grabbing a wipe, I cleaned his bum. His poos were finally becoming normal baby poos. That black tar shit that first came out was hard to get off his skin. The nurse said it was because in the womb they get their nutrients through the umbilical blood, so the waste is a different colour and consistency than when they’re on milk. Andy would have known that already. She would’ve known how to swaddle him so that he would feel secure and settle quickly. She would’ve known how to give him a bath.
I was standing here, listening to the nurse talk me through the procedure for the second time. I couldn’t fucking remember what she’d shown me before. Did I swaddle him and wash his hair first, or did I just hook my fingers under his arms and dip his body in?
Seb’s little arms reached into thin air, shaking as he cried his newborn cry.
“Okay. He’s not liking the cold air or the feeling of being exposed, so let’s swaddle him first. Across one shoulder. Across the other. Fold up the bottom and tuck it behind. That’s it.” She made actions with her hands to guide me.
He quietened, blinking up at me with eyes like Andy’s.
“Hold him like a football. You know how to do that.”
That I could do.
“Wet the flannel and just trickle the warm water over his scalp. He’ll love it.”
His mouth formed an O as his eyes rolled closed. It almost sounded like he was purring.
“See?” the nurse chirped.
Yeah, I saw.
I chuckled. Man, this was amazing. Andy and I had done something incredible in making this miniscule human.
Guilt hit me a second later. How was I able to enjoy this experience when she was upstairs in the ICU fighting for her life because of our son’s existence?
“Now you can unwrap him and hold him steady in the water like I showed you. But don’t leave him exposed for too long.”
I put him back in the plastic cradle before taking off the towel. His umbilical cord was still attached. A dried out, shrivelled up version of itself, the clip no longer holding on for any reason other than the fact that no one had taken it off. Andy would want to keep that. And the name-card on the cradle. His arm band. The hair from his first haircut. His first tooth. God, would she get to experience any of his milestones? She hadn’t even set eyes on him.
“Get him in the water.”
Right. Shit. The poor kid was stuck with me looking after him when I couldn’t think straight.
I dipped his body beneath the water, holding him under the shoulders. He kicked his legs before going still and sporting that blissful expression he had before. The force of my love for this child was off the scale. He expanded my heart to the size of the universe. Endless. Ever-growing. Infinite. Timeless. It was so big it couldn’t be contained by measures applied in this world.
I would love him with all I had.
I only hoped that would be enough for the both of us.
_____
Emmeline
Hampshire, England
13th July, 1867, 12:21 a.m.
“Emmeline.” I was awoken from my slumber by Sebastian’s harsh whisper. I blinked groggily, unable to focus on his candlelit face. “It’s time.”
Oh. I pushed my elbow into the mattress and dragged my body upright. Dangling my stockinged feet off the edge of the bed, I waited for a minute until my faculties had restored their function. After pulling on a dressing gown, stockings, and boots, I held my hand out for his. “Oh, wait,” I whispered, tiptoeing to
