Alive or ...
I swallowed past the knot of emotion lodged in my larynx, and reached for the door handle.
My head reared back at finding Lee and Ronnie standing on the threshold. Lee with his fist poised to knock, Ronnie eclipsed by the biggest bunch of flowers I’d ever seen.
“Hey. We heard the little guy was breaking out. Thought you might need a support crew to escort the two of you home.” Lee stepped in, his palm slapping me on the back as he bent to have a squiz at Sebastian. “They’re angels when they’re asleep. Not when they’re hungry though. Jesus.” He shook his head, whistling.
“Don’t wake him.” Ronnie pressed the flowers into my arms and gave me a hug. “How are you holding up?”
“Hangin’ by a string.”
“Understandable.” She stood back. “Ready to go? We ubered here so you could sit in the back with Seb and Lee could drive.”
I nodded dumbly, clutching the bouquet.
Lee took charge of the pram while Ronnie rested her hand on my back, steering me to the exit. “Where are you parked?”
“Third floor.” I dug out my keys and the ticket to get out and gave them to her.
Hopping out of the elevator, Ronnie led the way to the ute like she knew exactly where it was. She probably did. She’d likely been scoping my memories through her touch on my shoulder, or however she did it. All I knew was that I was grateful. Numbness infused my veins with every step. I was leaving my wife behind in a coma. I kept my eyes on our sleeping baby to remind me why I couldn’t fall into a heap.
I stared at him the whole way home, not saying a word. Ronnie and Lee talked quietly in the front, the radio on in the background. I’d spent hours staring at him already, trying to work out which bits were from whose gene pool. His tiny fingers were long like mine. His toes curled under the way Andy’s did. Mini earlobes mimicked the way Andy’s sloped into her neck, rather than curving around. She could barely fit one earring with the lack of lobe she’d been given.
“Here we are.”
My gaze flitted to the front. My bloodshot eyes stared at me in the rear-view mirror. I rubbed a hand over my face.
Lee unlocked the house and went back to help Ronnie bring the bags inside. I carried Seb in and put him in his cradle next to my bed. He was having a decent sleep, and well timed, too. What a brilliant baby.
After switching on the baby monitor, I checked him once more, snapping a picture before I left. I had to capture all the moments Andy was missing. She’d want to see them when she woke up.
If she woke up.
The back of my throat burned with tears and I gulped them down.
Tossing the keys on the kitchen bench, Lee made a beeline for the dining table. “I hope you don’t mind us being here. We won’t stay long. Your mum cooked heaps of meals and left them in the freezer. She said she’d be back later to mind Seb if you wanted to go to the hospital.”
Thanks, Mum.
Ronnie busied herself in the kitchen, getting lunch together. “The couch has been professionally cleaned.”
The couch. Fuck. I’d never be able to look at it again, let alone sit on it. “I’m getting rid of it.”
“What?” Lee squawked.
“Fair enough.” Ronnie glared at him. “She’s coming home soon.” She poured dressing over a salad and tossed it through.
“Who? Mum?”
She shook her head. “Andrea.”
I gripped the back of a chair and pulled it out, landing my butt down before it hit the floor. “You know?”
“I just received confirmation, yeah.” She grabbed a plate of cold meats and began to dish them out. “She’s a little worse for wear, but she’ll be okay.” Ronnie paused and aimed her gaze at me. “I foresaw this happening. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but that would’ve been worse. Knowing something is going to happen and you can’t do a damn thing to stop it—believe me, it sucks.”
She knew.
I couldn’t sort through the barrage of emotions pummelling me in that moment. I didn’t know what to think. Was I glad that I hadn’t been aware? Yes. The forewarning would have been fucking torture. Did I believe Ronnie when she said my wife would come back to me? I wanted to. So badly.
Brad blinked at her. “Is that why you were acting so weird when I wanted to talk about starting a family?”
“You guys wanna have kids?” Now? After what Andy and I have just been through?
I wanted to be happy for them. In truth, I was scared. Andy and I were in the minority of horror stories, but if my friends had to go through any more loss in their lives it would crush them. The risks could be high. That was the reality of pregnancy and childbirth. It could be a nightmare, just as much as a miracle.
Aren’t I just the happiest camper?
He crossed the distance to put his arm around her and kiss her temple. “I’m in no rush. And if it never happens, I’ll be fine. I just wanna enjoy life with you.”
Smart man.
They didn’t stay for long, and I was grateful for that. When Mum came back, she gave me a hug and went in to check on Seb. She’d been a godsend, making me meals and dropping in clean clothes to the hospital. Now she could add babysitting services to that list.
I needed to figure out how to split my time between the two loves of my life.
I hoped Ronnie was right. I understood enough about psychic abilities to realise that accuracy depended on the person’s ability to interpret the cryptic
