Ben waited in the lounge, his arms crossed.
I swallowed against a dry throat. “Thank you. And thanks for getting dinner for us.”
“No worries. I needed to pick up some clean clothes anyway.”
I tossed a couple of sheets on the couch and two more on each recliner. “Which one do you want?”
“I don’t care.”
“Okay.” Grabbing the sheet on the seat nearest to me, I unfolded it and flung it out to settle over the chair. “Are they still drinking?”
“No. I gave them tonic water and told them it had vodka in it.”
“Nice one.” I kept my eyes on my task.
“Andy.” His voice cracked.
Nope, not looking. “That’s my name.”
“I know this isn’t the right time to talk about us, but if you’ll hear me out, I’d like to apologise for being a dick.”
Why couldn’t you have apologised two months ago? Why did you have to hurt me at all? I smacked at the creases in the sheet, making them worse rather than smoothing them out. Whatever. I was just buying time until my voice box untied itself. “You’re right. Now is not the time. And yes, you were a major dick.”
His mouth screwed up as he took his sheet and put it over his bed for the night. “I think you’re an incredible friend.”
I blinked, my eyes stinging in warning. “I think you are, too.”
He did Stewart’s sheet as well. That was how thoughtful he was. I might’ve looked like I wasn’t paying him any attention, but I had him pinned in my peripheral vision. I’d had him in my sights since day one. I just had to trust my knowing that we’d be okay. Did that mean I’d make it easy for him to get back in my good graces? Hell, no. He’d hurt me bad. He needed to know I wouldn’t tolerate any shit like that in the future. Boundaries.
I loved him, but I loved me more. And I deserved better. If he couldn’t rise to the occasion, I wasn’t going to drop my level to meet him. Nuh-uh.
Rise up, or ship out, Benny-boy.
_____
Ben
Rockhampton, Australia
4th of August, 2009, 1:12 a.m.
Stewart and Lee hooked an arm around each other and aimed for the doorway. At the same time. Dickheads. They were never gonna fit. They ended up in a heap on the floor with bruised knees and egos.
Andy heard the ruckus and helped me get them in bed. Or to the couch, in Stew’s case. She went back to her recliner as I did what I had to do in the bathroom. When I got to my recliner, she looked asleep. I didn’t know how she could be with Stewart chopping down a forest just next to her.
Maybe I should tilt his head back?
I started to get up, but she beat me to it, adjusting his position until the chainsaw quieted to a snuffle.
“You’re awake.” I lowered the footrest and sat.
“I think the neighbourhood is awake.” She pulled the sheet over herself.
“Is he always this loud?” I squinted, only just able to make out her features, the standby light on the TV casting a dull glow in the room.
“Only when he breathes.” Her lips quirked. I think.
“Maybe he should’ve stayed home,” I joked.
“Maybe you should’ve.” She wasn’t joking. Her tone had bite.
I expected nothing less. My heart thumped against my ribcage like it was beating me up all over again.
“Do you remember me telling you how I would wish on Venus?” Her hand brushed at her hair.
“Yes.”
“I wished for someone who understood me. Who was secure and happy enough on his own that he wouldn’t depend on me to make him happy. Because that’s what I watched my mother try to do for my father, and fail. I knew that wasn’t what a healthy relationship was about.” Her arm swatted at the air before flopping back down. “Whatever shit you’ve got going on in your brain, you’ve gotta deal with it. It’s not up to me to fix you.”
“I know. And I have.” I huffed, rubbing a hand across my forehead. Standing, I crossed to her. “Come with me.”
“No.”
I held out my hand. “Come with me, please?”
“It’s one o’clock in the morning.”
“Do I have to throw you over my shoulder?”
“No. Jeez.” She ripped the sheet off.
I grabbed my keys from the table on my way to the door.
“We can’t leave. What are you doing?”
“We’re not leaving.” I swung the door open and waved her through, pressing the key fob to open the car. “Hop in. The back seat.”
“If you think—”
“Andy. Just get in the car. I’m not going to touch you unless you tell me to.”
She scoffed and yanked the door open. I retrieved my guitar before letting her in and closing the door. Rounding the car, I adjusted the driver’s seat way back before sliding in, seating the guitar across my lap. It wasn’t a full moon, but it was getting there. Enough that I could still see her beautiful face when the interior light switched off.
“I hate myself for what I did to you. It was inexcusable.”
She crossed her arms and faced forward.
“Your first time should have been special, and I took you like an animal. I put you in a compromising position in front of your little sister. And then I left you. I’m no better than my scumbag father. A chip off the old block.”
Her mouth dropped open as she stared wide-eyed.
“I want you to know that I’ve never experienced anything so amazing in my life. And I feel sick saying that
