Today I would see Ben. How did I know? Well, I didn’t know exactly. Nobody had told me. I just felt him near. It was this tug in my chest, and a trip and tumble in my pulse. It was hard to explain. Okay, maybe I am a fruit cake. Maybe I was making fairy dust and unicorns out of dirtand desperation. Rockhampton was the cattle capital of Australia. And where there were bulls, there was plenty of shit to go with them.
Shake it off. It’s all in your head.
Clouds spread a splotchy blanket of shade over the grounds. I wore my raincoat, just in case. Dad set up his folding chair in his usual spot on the sideline and pulled a beer from the esky before using it as a footrest. He only ever had one per game and it was a light beer. The limit on alcohol had been introduced since he’d married Anna. When he was with Mum, he used to come home with a six-pack of cold ones almost every day. If a guy has to anaesthetise himself with alcohol on a daily basis, he isn’t happy where he is. Just sayin’.
Will crouched a few feet away, drawing pictures in the gravel with his umbrella. His vibrant yellow raincoat presented a bright spot on a dull day. He loved rugby, but he found being a spectator boring. I wholeheartedly agreed with him. Spending more than an hour watching my big brother was not my idea of fun.
I squatted to Will’s level. “Do you wanna go to the canteen?”
Light brown hair fell across his eyes as his head popped up. “Yeah. Can I have lollies?”
Maybe not lollies, but I wasn’t going to tell him that. I needed to be a responsible big sister and it was only ten in the morning.
“Dad, can we have some money, please?”
“What for?” He looked at me like I’d slapped him. “I’ve got drinks and snacks in the esky.”
“Aw, come on. What’s a game of rugby without a trip to the canteen?”
Grumbling, he pulled a five-dollar bill from his wallet.
“Thanks.” I grabbed it and motioned for Will to follow me.
Lee trotted past, a grass stain colouring the back of his light blue shirt. “Hey, Andy.”
“Is your drawstring tied nice and tight today? I don’t wanna see your plumber’s crack.” I wasn’t going to let him live down the freckle display.
He ducked his head, mumbling, “Yeah, jeez.”
“Is your sister here?”
“Yep.” He pointed to the opposite sideline from where we were camped. “She’s not staying, though.”
“Alrighty, well, you and your freckles have fun out there.” I gave him a wink, grinning.
We made our way around the pitch, stopping to chat several times as we got closer to the little shed that was the canteen.
Will tugged on my arm. “Would ya stop talking? I’m hungry.”
“Okay, monster.”
By the time we got there, the line had dispersed. Every weekend I was guaranteed to find Mel, a stout woman with maroon hair, behind the counter. If the canteen wasn’t so tiny, I would’ve sworn she lived in there. I bought Will a chocolate brownie. That was better than lollies, right? “Thanks, Melly. Let me know if you need help next fortnight.”
“I can always use a hand, darl.” She waved us off just as the whistle blew for kick-off.
“Okay, I’ll see you then.” I turned to hand Will the food, glancing up to watch the game. My hand went limp, nearly dropping the paper bag as I did a double take. “Shit. I was right.” Ben’s buns were on display in rugby shorts a size too small just metres away. My heart tripped over itself. What was he doing playing league? And for the opposition?
“Swear jar,” Will absently commented before breaking off a piece of the dessert and shoving it in his gob.
Crap. I said that out loud. I screwed my mouth up and pinched a chunk of the choc delight.
“Hey, Ben’s here.”
My eyes shot to my little brother. “You know Ben?”
“Yeah. He’s Adam’s big brother.”
“Adam, your friend from class?” Will always talked about Adam like they were joined at the hip.
“Yep. I wonder if he’s here, too.” Will’s neck craned, as he scanned the crowd.
Interesting. Ben had a little brother the same age as Will. I tuned out, my mind wandering to a fantasy world of possibilities. I stopped myself from imagining Ben as the father of my children. Just.
“So Adam is eight years younger than Ben?” I shamelessly picked Will’s brains.
“Yeah. They have different dads.”
Is that right? Had his parents split, or was Adam a love child and the parents had decided to stay together after the infidelity?
A drop of rain landed on my cheek. This game was gonna get messy. So was my probing if I wasn’t too careful. Will was a smart kid. If he figured out I had a crush on Ben, he’d go and tell Adam, if not Ben himself.
My fears didn’t stop me from asking more questions, though. “Does he have any other siblings?”
“Nope. Just Ben.”
I had to pause. I had been asking about Ben because that was where my mind had gone, but I hadn’t explained that to Will. He’d still been talking about Adam. I could ask all about Adam and find out the same info without incriminating myself. Win, win.
“So, his mum and dad split? Did his mum remarry?” Okay, slow down. One question at a time.
“No. His parents are married.”
Oh, shit. That’s right. I was supposed to be asking about Adam. Shut up, Andy. Just shut up.
“Do you know if Ben’s dad remarried?” I immediately bit my tongue. Fuck.
