Mom nodded and then bowed her head. I could hear her soft laugh and quiet sigh. “It’s funny. You two remind me so much of your father and me at your age,” she said. I looked up at her and her eyes were glassy. She stared at her lap and squeezed her hands together. I wasn’t exactly sure what to do or say; this wasn’t in the dialogue I rehearsed.
“Mom, are you still in love with Dad?” She looked up at me, startled, then knitted her brows and forced a smile.
“Of course I love him. He gave me you and Alycia. I’ll always love him for that,” she said, smiling, though her eyes were sad.
“That’s not what I meant. I mean, are you still in love with him?”
Mom’s eyes teared up, and I wasn’t sure what to do next. She closed her eyes and buried her face in her hands. My stomach tightened; I wasn’t used to seeing Mom so vulnerable.
“Oh, Tor. I don’t know,” she said at last, dropping her hands into her lap like they were made of lead. “I guess I… I was just so angry. I tried to so hard to figure out what I did wrong. When we first met, in high school, I knew he was the one, the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. People thought we were moving too fast, but it didn’t matter, because he was everything I wanted. But when that day came, fourteen years later…. Fourteen years! I thought we were happy! We had two wonderful children. We had a nice house. I thought we had everything! I thought… we were happy.”
Mom’s whimpers became sobs and I scooted closer to her. She seemed so frail and I just wanted to protect her. This was why I hated Dad. “Mom, I’m sorry,” I whispered pathetically. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know how to comfort her.
“No, that’s not right,” she said, wiping the tears from her eyes. “I did know something was wrong. I just convinced myself that there wasn’t. I mean, we were more like roommates than a married couple. And when he finally told me, I was just so angry! It hurt so much that I couldn’t make him happy and that there was someone else who could. And then I said all those horrible things to him. I didn’t even mean them. I just wanted to hurt him,” she said, bowing her head ashamedly. I bit my lip; I could understand why she said what she did. I hugged her tighter and she looked at me, squeezing my hand. “God, Tor, I’m so sorry. I must’ve made things so hard for you.” She let go of my hand and brushed the hair from my eyes. “But that’s why I’m so proud of you. Despite everything, you were honest with yourself. You were strong enough to know who you are. You were honest with yourself, and with me. And that’s why I trust you. Only you know if you’re ready to take the next step with Wesley, and I trust your judgment. And when Wesley came to see me at work yesterday, I knew I could trust him too. With you. So that’s why I’m going to let you move in with him.”
I stared at Mom with wide eyes. I hadn’t realized it, but I was holding my breath. Mom smiled at me, and I wrapped my arms around her. My eyes were already red with tears and I brushed them away, but I kept crying.
Mom took a deep breath and patted my head. “I’m sorry I made you listen to all that. I guess I’m not completely over him yet. I wonder if I ever will be,” she said, drying her eyes again. “Just be honest with yourself and with each other and I know you two will live happily ever after,” she said with a laugh. This time her voice was cheerful and back to normal.
I was glad she told me everything. I hoped that maybe it helped her too. I didn’t think she would ever get over Dad. But I understood why she said the things she did, and I think I understood how hard it was for Dad too.
“You want some french toast?”
Mom laughed and nodded. She followed me into the kitchen and poured another cup of coffee.
“Oh! I’ll let you move in with Wes on one condition,” she premised with a grin. “You have to come over and make dinner every once in a while.”
“All right. I can do that,” I said, breaking an egg in a pie tin.
“Seriously, I don’t know how you became such a great cook. You certainly didn’t get it from me,” she wondered aloud, leaning against the counter.
I broke another egg in the tin and added some milk, vanilla, and cinnamon. Mom and I talked about what I would need to move out as I made breakfast. Then we sat down at the table and wrote up a list of what Wesley and I had and what we needed. As two o’clock neared, I was disappointed that she had to leave for work. I hugged her goodbye and then got ready for work myself.
Chapter 22
MY DRESSER, bookshelf, and nightstand were empty. Laundry baskets were filled with my clothes, and cardboard boxes held books, CDs, and other stuff. I wrapped the cord around the clip lamp, put it in one of the boxes, and taped up the top. I only had the closet left to pack. I looked around my room; it seemed smaller now with all my things removed.
Mom and I went down to the storage unit and found two matching fake gold table lamps and a coffee maker along with the sofa and end tables. Mom forgot that she had the lamps and wondered at her past taste in décor. The lamps were kinda ugly, but
