“Was it Jen?” I finally asked.
Wesley sat up quickly. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, and stared at the floor. “Does it matter who it was?” He seemed aggravated.
I furrowed my brows; his response told me everything. My stomach felt hollow. “It was her, wasn’t it?”
Wesley clenched his hands together. “Why do you wanna know?”
“I don’t know. I just do.” It was because I wanted him to say it wasn’t her. Anyone but her.
Wesley sighed like he was defeated. I was wrong. He wasn’t aggravated; he was ashamed. “It was when I was in tenth grade. She kept asking me out and I just finally gave in. I was over at her house one night and… it just happened.”
“What do you mean?” I asked in a small voice.
“Why? You want details? Fine. She was sucking me off and next thing I knew, she was on top of me. I told her to stop, but she wouldn’t. And it just sorta happened. It wasn’t like I wanted it to. Hell, I had to think about someone else just to get it up for her,” he said, dropping his head into his hands. “Fuck. Fuck!”
“She… she forced you? Then—”
“No! It wasn’t… I mean, I could’ve pushed her off if I really wanted to. I just thought that if I did a chick, then I wouldn’t be gay. It didn’t matter who it was.” He still wouldn’t look at me. I scooted closer to him and rubbed my hand on his back. “Hell, I couldn’t even cum!” he said with a pathetic laugh. “Of course, she told everyone the next day and it wasn’t like I could deny it. She just pissed me off so much, and I broke it off with her a couple days later. She went crazy, saying I took what I wanted and then dumped her. But what could I say? That she forced me? That I could only get it up for guys? God, I was just so pissed off.”
I leaned into him and hugged him. “I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I’m so sorry.” Tears rolled down my cheeks. He struggled so much more than I thought. When I met him, he was so confident and carefree. It seemed like nothing got to him. Was he just hiding it all this time? How did I not notice?
Wesley glanced at me, at the tears in my eyes, and his face softened. He turned to me and wiped away the tears. “Tor, it’s okay. It’s in the past. I got over it, so you have to also,” he said, bringing my head to his chest and hugging me tightly.
How could he be so strong? All this happened to him, and I was the one crying like a baby. I rubbed my face against his shirt. “I don’t like her,” I whispered, my voice muffled. “I don’t like the way she looks at you, like she owns you or something. I can’t stand her.”
“But that’s the thing: it doesn’t matter anymore. She doesn’t matter. Because I have you. Everything’s okay because I have you,” he said, ruffling my hair. I glanced up at him and he smiled gently at me. “To be honest, I did struggle with everything that happened, with being gay, all that, until I met you. You were the first person I really wanted, not just to fuck you, but that I really cared about. The first time I kissed you, it was like my head was suddenly clear. I realized that everything that happened didn’t matter. I didn’t care that I was gay. I knew that everything would be okay if I could be with you. It was like I hadn’t been born until I met you. I know this probably doesn’t make any sense, but it was honestly how I felt.”
“No,” I whispered, shaking my head. “I understand completely. Because I felt the same way. I was so scared of what my mom would think, that she would hate me. But I was willing to take that risk, because I wanted to be with you. And I knew, somehow, that everything would work out, if I just got to be with you.”
Wesley kissed me and pulled my hand to his lap. I felt him stiffen and I looked up at him and shook my head.
“I can’t help it,” he said. “When you talk that way, it makes me hard.”
His kisses became longer and deeper and I lay back as he unzipped my shorts. His mouth was warm and soft and my legs trembled with his movements. I came and he swallowed, running his thumb across his lips. I leaned down and kissed him, then led him to the bedroom. Fortunately, I hadn’t changed the sheets yet, and I knew I would have to do at least one load of laundry each day.
“We should’ve bought a sperm towel,” Wesley said, pulling me close. “Then we wouldn’t have to change the sheets so often.” I knew exactly what he was talking about. Every teenage boy has one. I agreed with blushing cheeks and noted that I would go out and buy one tomorrow. “Heh, I forgot to put one in the laundry for a couple weeks once, and that thing was so hard and crusty…. It was disgusting.” I reconsidered and figured I should buy two or three. “There were a lot of potential babies in that thing,” he mused with a grin.
I rolled my eyes and climbed atop his stomach. “One more time?” I asked, leaning down, inches from his lips.
“How could I say no? But remember, I gotta go to work tomorrow.”
Chapter 24
WESLEY LEFT for work at seven, leaving me with a kiss and an “I love you.” I slept until eight, then got up and took a shower. I had to work ten to five, so I made a cold pasta salad for lunch. I put enough for my dinner into a plastic tub and then thought
