He released her hands and took a step back. “I promised Deffona to inform her when you came awake. I’m glad you’ve recovered.”
“Ōbhin,” she said, her brow furrowing.
Though he marched away at a steady pace, Ōbhin fled the pain in his heart.
*
Ōbhin’s sudden coldness stung her. She lowered her hands as Dualayn cleared his throat. “I am sure Deffona will be ecstatic to learn of your recovery.”
Avena nodded.
“Come, come, let’s get you to the kitchen. I am sure Kaylin will have something warm and filling for you.”
“Yeah,” she said, her thoughts churned up. I disappointed him. It stung hard. I wasn’t good enough to stand at his side. I thought with the earthen gauntlets and my training, I was.
She would have to do better. Try harder. She would show Ōbhin that she wasn’t as fragile as he thought. They had started this together, and she wouldn’t let her weakness ruin that. She would be better.
She would show Ōbhin he could count on her.
“Avena!”
Jilly, Smiles’s wife—no, she’s his widow and doesn’t know it, thought Avena—rushed down the stairs, her dark skirts swirling. The woman, a few years Avena’s senior, swept her up in an embrace, rocking her. Jilly’s cries attracted attention. Other maids drifted in. Shebani, Chobay, Deshvi, and plump Layni soon joined the hug. For a moment, Avena was all smiles as they kissed her cheeks and gushed over her.
“You need to eat,” Jilly declared. “Dualayn, sir, why are you just letting her starve right here?”
“My apologies, madam,” Dualayn said, a smile on his lips. “She keeps getting distracted with greetings.”
The front door opened. Miguil and a few of the guards stepped in. Her former promised grinned, transforming his handsome face into something beautiful.
Dajouth pressed forward, his blond hair spilling about his head. “Avena, I am heartened to see the world is not diminished by the absence of your beauty.” He spoke with the flowery tone he used with every woman. “I could feel your brightness shining through the walls. It called to me.”
The fake Smiles slipped his arm around Jilly. He had that infectious grin, mimicking the real one so much. “It’s a blessed day to see you up and about.”
“It is,” Jilly said, hugging the thing tight. She had no idea. She carried Smiles’s child, conceived before his death and replacement.
Fingers held back as Bran wiggled through the maids to give her a hug. She smiled and embraced the boyish guard. Even gave him a kiss on the cheek. He blushed as he broke away only to be replaced by a hopeful Dajouth.
She hugged him but didn’t give him a kiss. Normally, his flowery compliments grated on her, but not even the impostor’s presence could dampen her elation right now. Not with the rest of her friends around her. The family that had come to replace what she’d lost to her mother’s madness.
She glanced at Fingers standing in the doorway. He had such a look of relief on his face, an awe not dissimilar to Ōbhin’s. She had always found Fingers off-putting. The way the man talked about his estranged wife infuriated and embarrassed her in turns.
Right now . . .
She smiled at him and held out her hand, beckoning. He swallowed and a dark look flashed across his face. Guilt or shame or some other emotion, she wasn’t sure. Then he slipped out the door. It closed behind him with a clunk.
Just like Ōbhin, she thought. Why do men have to be such great fools? Ōbhin should have yelled at me like he did after the riots. Does he think I’m that weak? And Fingers . . . How can he possibly think this was his fault?
She would have to talk to them both. Later. The smells from Kaylin’s kitchen were savory.
After she’d eaten a thick broth of wheat noodles and fish seasoned with soy and ginger, she was ushered up to her room on the second floor by the maids. She objected to being tucked in like a child, but Jilly and Layni overrode her protestations. In moments, they had her safely ensconced beneath the covers.
Exhaustion seized her, but sleep didn’t come right away. Ōbhin lingered in her mind. She wanted to speak with him right now. To find out what he thought about her. Did he see her as some sort of burden? She refused to be one.
She would show him. Tomorrow, I’ll resume training with the guards.
Next time they went into danger, she wouldn’t get hurt.
Chapter Eight
Fifty-First Day of Forgiveness, 755 EU
Traces of exhaustion lingered in Avena the next day as she pulled on her boots for training with Ōbhin and the guards. She had to push herself through the lethargy that hollowed out her guts. She couldn’t afford for Ōbhin to see her as weak. As a woman.
What’s so wrong if he sees me as a woman? wandered through her thoughts.
Warmth rippled through her. She smiled. Would it be so bad if he saw her as a woman? He had the night he’d tried to kiss her. After, he’d backed away, respecting that she was promised to Miguil. Not any longer. She wouldn’t marry a man she didn’t love and who could never love her back.
Miguil had his secret desires that were condemned as sin by Elohm’s Church.
Avena hadn’t really thought of Ōbhin much that way. She’d been so focused on training, on learning from Dualayn, and protecting the healer from the Brotherhood and their foul creation: the simulacrum posing as Smiles.
She had to regain his trust. Being around Ōbhin made her feel alive, especially doing dangerous things. She didn’t dwell on her past and the guilt she felt for standing by and watching her mother drown her twin sister in whitewash. Ōbhin filled something
