Pulling up as near to the school gates as they could, Ken and the children climbed out. Despite their protestations there was no way she was going to enter the bear pit of the playground looking as she did. A group of the usual parents were huddled at the gates. A couple of them glanced in her direction, at least, she thought they were. Could word have got around about Holly? The handsome local detective didn’t seem the type to speak loosely and the other one, the haughty mare, wasn’t local. Her accent, the way she carried herself, she wouldn’t know anyone.
The group at the gates began to disperse taking the children inside. They’d carry on their conversations as they always did, gossiping about whoever took their fancy. She pictured them as vultures, picking over the carrion they found lying around. They hadn’t taken to her at all. She had tried to speak to some of them during the course of the last year and, one on one, they could be friendly enough but once in their familiar clique, they were closed to outsiders. Then they would act as if they’d never spoken with her, as if they didn’t want to.
Ken didn’t help. He was antisocial, preferring to spend time alone. Casting her mind back it was an absolute miracle he asked her out on their first date. She should have realised what he was like back then. Working as an event coordinator, a grandiose title for organising and laying out rooms for companies to showcase their products, they’d met when she was readying one such place. The exhibition was to coincide with a week-long celebration of cultural art. Ken’s work was selling well at the time and attracting a great deal of interest. The artist himself, however, didn’t care for the spotlight and having made the required number of introductions on the opening evening, retreated to the back rooms away from the glare of the media and those thirsty to bask in his perceived social status. That was where they’d first met and struck up a conversation.
Their time together had been comforting, relaxed, if not exciting but she’d had plenty of excitement in the years running up to that meeting. Stable, refined and comfortable appealed at the time. It still did. Although, a hankering for the devilment of her youth was apparent. The desire more prevalent now than at any time she could remember since they were married. She thought those days were behind her but, recently, what with everything else they’d faced, the sense of freedom she used to derive from passing over all responsibility and commitment felt somehow appealing once again.
Ken returned, getting into the car. He was different today. Half expecting his collapse of the previous day, after finding his studio trashed, to descend into a spiral of depression, she was warmed by his reaction. It was as if the weight on his shoulders had somehow been lifted. Perhaps this was the culmination of the past year coming to a point and either he would implode or grow in strength and move on. Fragile as Ken could be, somehow, he’d found an inner strength to draw on much as he used to.
“I was thinking, last night,” he began, starting the car. His tone was upbeat, although there was something else there behind the easy smile. “Maybe we could go out for the day, take a walk together or something? The weather’s been good. I think we could both do with a break from the house, me from the studio. What do you think?” The question was genuine. He sounded nervous, worried she would dismiss him.
“Yes. I’d like that.” She smiled and his own broadened. “I want to go home and shower first, though.”
“And have breakfast.”
“And have breakfast,” she repeated. This was something of a milestone, Ken suggesting they spend time together. She used to be the one to make those suggestions but it was a long time ago before everything became so complicated.
“I want to talk to you about something as well,” Ken said. He sounded nervous again. “I think we need to clear up a few things.” That was mildly alarming. She knew Ken was secretive. This was nothing new. But why would he be sharing now of all times? She looked across and he must have felt her eyes upon him. “Not now. Later.”
Having returned to the house, Jane grabbed a quick breakfast of toast and cereal before heading off to shower and change. When she came back down, Ken had prepared a picnic for their lunch. Nothing fancy, just a selection of fruit, some sandwiches and a flask of either coffee or tea. She didn’t mind either. They exchanged small talk in the short drive to Holkham where they parked up and headed for the beach. The wind, whipping in off the North Sea for the previous few days, dropped and the sky cleared to reveal warm spring sunshine. The miles of open sand were shared with only a handful of dog walkers and a few tourists getting in ahead of the annual influx of people as holiday season began.
Conversation between them tailed away and Jane sensed her husband was mulling something over, perhaps building up to what this outing was really about. Part of her wanted him to let it go, keep it inside and allow them to enjoy the moment. A brief occasion not dominated by marital issues, demanding children or… she didn’t want to think about her.
“I need to tell you something,” Ken said, staring straight ahead. Whatever it was, he couldn’t look her in the eye as he spoke, or wouldn’t. A sideways glance revealed a pained expression on his face. She was suddenly fearful. “It’s about Holly.” They never discussed his models. There was an agreement. She wouldn’t ask and he wouldn’t say. That was their covenant. For some reason, he was
