Tom waited, unsure of what he should do. He wanted to step forward, take her in his arms and tell her it was all going to be okay. But he didn't. Something about her reaction made him hold off. He wasn't reading anything into it. People react to trauma in different ways. In the past he'd always been in the position of the official delivering bad news. In those cases, he was never the one they would turn to for support. His role then was to convey assurance, to let them know their loss wouldn't pass by without scrutiny and if there was a case to be made against a perpetrator then he would make it. On this occasion he felt more like a passenger in her grief, with no defined responsibilities or specific role to play. Was that because this was her ex-husband? He wasn't sure.
"How?" she said, turning towards him but still using the worktop for support by leaning against it. "How did it happen?"
This was Alice drawing on her inner reserves. What he expected.
"It looks like he was stabbed inside the house."
"You mean… he was…"
"Murdered? Yes."
Her lips parted, moving silently but no words emerged. Her eyes teared and she closed them, forcing herself to keep control. Tom felt something. It was a sensation that both surprised and angered him in almost equal measure. Jealousy. Alice's reaction was understandable. She was married to the man once. They'd shared time together, at one point given each other a promise of a lifetime commitment. They had a child together and would be tied for as long as Saffy was around. At least until she reached maturity. Alice must have loved him. Did she love Adrian more than she loved him? He pushed the thought aside, furious with himself for even considering it.
"When?" she said, in all but a whisper.
"At some point yesterday. We don't know yet. Not for certain."
He was falling back on his authority now, approaching this situation as he would with any other next of kin. He didn't feel as if Alice wanted him to comfort her. His rational mind told him to do so anyway but she seemed cold to his presence, aloof. Was that the shock? He felt something else now. Guilt and then shame. This wasn’t about him and he shouldn't make it so. Of course, Adrian's death would rock her world. She would have to be a robot for it not to upset her, let alone the consideration of how she would tell her daughter that her father wouldn't be coming back.
Saffy must have sensed something was amiss. She was a perceptive child, always ready to offer a supportive hug or gentle touch to either an adult or another child. She eased the door open between the kitchen and the living room, peering through the gap and eyeing the two of them suspiciously.
"Mum?"
Alice looked at her daughter, the strain her emotions were taking suddenly visible. She drew a deep breath, kneeling down and encouraging Saffy to come to her with both arms outstretched. She did so, walking forward slowly and purposefully. Despite Alice's best efforts at smiling warmly to allay the girl's fears, the tears escaping the rim of her eyes and trickling down her cheeks destroyed the façade. Saffy's lower lip wobbled despite not knowing the cause. Alice swept her into her arms and hugged her tightly.
"Mum, that hurts," Saffy said quietly.
Alice loosened her grip. "I'm sorry, darling, really I am," she said, burying her face in the girl's hair.
"What's wrong, Mummy?"
Alice pulled back from her daughter, wiping a hand across her own face before pushing aside the hair from Saffy's. Alice smiled, trying to put on a brave face and be reassuring. She glanced up at Tom, a look Saffy followed. Tom smiled at both of them, unsure of what else he could do.
"Mummy's a little bit sad, darling," Alice said, cocking her head to one side.
"Why?"
Alice took a deep breath, holding her daughter by the upper arms and fixing her eyes on her. "I want you to know how much I love you." She glanced up at him. "How much we love you." Saffy nodded but she still seemed on the verge of tears at seeing her mother so obviously upset. "There's been… an accident… and… and your dad's been hurt."
Saffy stared straight into her mother's eyes, tears flowing. "Is he… is he going to be okay?"
Alice's resolve dissipated and she could no longer keep up the reassuring smile as she whispered the word "no" accompanied with the briefest shake of the head. Saffy's head dropped and she collapsed into her mother's arms. Both of them wept openly, Alice holding her daughter as tightly as she dared. Tom knelt beside them, placing one hand supportively on Alice's back and gently ran the other through Saffy's hair, her face buried in her mother's. Never had he felt so powerless.
"Is she asleep?"
Alice smiled wearily, nodding. "For now." She ran a hand through her hair, glancing at the clock on the oven. It was nearly eleven. "I need a drink."
He didn't say anything as she took an open bottle of wine from the fridge and picked up a glass from one of the cabinets. Setting the glass down on the breakfast bar, she unscrewed the cap and poured herself a large glass. Leaving the bottle on the breakfast bar, she came to join him at the dining table, sitting down opposite him. Sipping at her drink, she met his eye.
"Who do you think did it?"
He sat back in his chair, feeling uncomfortable. This was exactly why Tamara had sent him packing from the crime scene. He shook his head.
"Far too early to say."
Alice raised her glass again, staring into the liquid as she did so.
"How has he been when you've spoken to him recently?"
"Ade?"
Tom nodded. Alice shrugged.
"Same as…" she said. "Busy, I guess. Mind you, he always was."
"With work?"
"Yeah. He's never been one to do things by halves.
