‘I’m not simply talking about the definition of the word. Yes, in a strict dictionary definition of the term, we could label your kind unique. But regarding the actual concept of uniqueness, do you think that the traits you mentioned thus far really are unique to your kind?’
‘I guess um, er, there may be some exceptions, in very unusual circumstances or something.’
‘No, not unusual circumstances, and not in isolated or exceptional cases either. Language is not unique to your species at all, not by a long shot. You just assume that yours is the only complex language simply because you can neither understand nor decipher the languages of other species. Elephants, whales, dolphins, primates and many birds, all of these have intricate and complex systems of language, systems that have remained indecipherable to your scholars and scientists over the centuries. Their indecipherability does not, however, make them any less significant, and that is a point that most of your kind chooses to disregard. The language of dolphins and whales, for example, is far older than any human language, and in many ways it is just as complex.’
‘Okay, I’ll admit that other animals—’
‘Species, Doctor, species. You keep forgetting that we have agreed that you human primates are just another species of animal, and not some separate, extra-terrestrial entity altogether.’
‘Fine. Other species may have language, and sure, maybe it’s complex as all heck, but where’s the evidence of culture? Of civilisation? Of technology?’
The General nodded and clasped his hands together.
‘Culture is, in a loosely defined way, possessed by other species. The other things you mentioned? Well yes, those are indeed the hallmarks of the dominance of your species over others. But where did they come from? Let me tell you: the human neocortex, Dr Green, and its strange and seemingly inexplicably rapid surge in size and processing power, which happened a few hundred thousand years ago. The abilities possessed by your neocortex are responsible for a lot of the things that have elevated humankind above the rest of the animal kingdom. You are aware of the significance of the human neocortex, are you not?’
‘The brain isn’t my area of medical expertise, but I’m pretty sure that the neocortex is the seat of language and culture. The human neocortex is proportionally larger in humans, as far as I know, allowing us to have more complex language skills.’
The General smiled and nodded.
‘That is correct, Doctor. And, of course, it allows for more transmittable complexities of culture than in other mammals. How do you suppose this came about?’
‘Well that’s a pretty well-known fact already. We just, we had a boost in evolution a couple hundred thousand years ago when we started hunting, and the high-quality protein we got from meat made our brains—’
‘Ah, yes Dr Green,’ the General interrupted. ‘I thought that you would bring that up. It’s a statement, you see, that is often bandied about by people who aren’t actually scholars of the brain, and people who have not actually studied the evolution of the brain in primates. You see, there is a single gene, a single strand of DNA that is present in humans, that allows for the neocortex to pack a vast number of neurons into a small area, and this concentration of them boosts brainpower massively. Where this single gene came from originally remains a mystery. But it did not simply materialise from nothing when your ancestors began their reign of violence and destruction over all of the other sentient beings on this planet, as people seem to want so desperately to believe. It had nothing to do with hunting or eating meat. Unfortunately, thanks to at least one wildly inaccurate article going viral on social networks it has become, as so many other myths and nonsense stories have, a “truth” held dear by those who do not wish to accept any responsibility for their actions or modify their own behaviour in any way. However, the old aphorism holds just as true as ever here: if one tells a big enough lie and continues to repeat it, people will start to believe it. That vile monster Joseph Goebbels said those words, and as awful a human being as he was, we cannot deny the veracity of that statement of his, can we?’
‘Hold up there General,’ replied Margaret, looking surprised. ‘You have a social media account?’
The General laughed loudly at this, and his amusement was so infectious that Margaret couldn’t help but chuckle along with him.
‘Oh yes Dr Green! Even an “old fart” like myself needs to stay abreast of things and keep up with the latest trends! I have accounts on all of the major social media networks, and I have a large and dedicated team of people all over the world working for me. They keep me updated about all sorts of things. Indeed, I have cells in every country, in every state, in every major city on Earth.’
The last sentence the General spoke sent a chill running down Margaret’s spine; this was terrorist talk right here. ‘Cells’ in every country? That sounded like something that a representative of Al Queda or ISIL would say. Margaret shuddered and tried to force this thought out of her head; she remembered at once how easily the General had read her mind before, and she certainly didn’t want him to do it again.
‘Forget for a moment about social media though. You see, while I find that it is useful for staying up to date with goings-on in the world, and establishing an aggregate for what sort of things various groups of people care about and believe—’
‘And how exactly do you do that?’ Margaret interrupted, suddenly curious.
‘Oh, with great personal ease on my part, with a lot of collective and cooperative effort on the part of my operatives. As I said, my network of social media moles is vast, and all of them are plugged into different areas of the various social networks. Some, for example, pose as
