Since he was not forthcoming with such crass conduct, she settled for watching the ongoing light show. As the boats moved slowly in a racetrack pattern, the lights looked as if they were colliding with each other, providing an ever-changing tableau. Katie wondered if she would ever grow tired of the display, wishing it could continue forever, but when she saw a second pink flare in the dunes, much like the one that had kicked this whole thing off, she knew it was nearly done. When it was doused, each boat followed suit, with everything going dark except a white masthead light and a small red or green light on the hull.
Another round of applause followed, which was cut short when the bonfire whooshed to life. Compared to the gentle glow of the boats, the pyre was dreadfully bright, making everyone turn their heads away so as not to be blinded. It also eliminated the cloak of darkness under which Katie wanted to remain. The glare of the blaze was hardly the place for any romantic explorations. She stood in one quick motion.
“Let’s walk,” she told Carson, who started at the sudden movement.
“Man, you’re like a cat. You just jump up whenever it suits you, don’t you?”
“Call me impulsive,” she replied. “Now – on your feet.”
Shaking his head, Carson rose more sedately, but the second he was standing Katie grabbed his arm and pulled him down the beach, away from the fire. She released his arm to weave through the other couples and families. In a moment they were south of everybody and she slowed to a more sedate pace.
“Feel better now?” he asked.
“I do. It was getting a little claustrophobic over there.” She made sure that she walked close enough to him so their arms brushed together. “Are you going to let me walk alongside of you this way?”
“What way?”
“Without holding my hand, silly,” she said in a mocking tone, holding it out palm-down right in front of him. Carson hesitated for half a heartbeat before taking it. She smiled politely. “That’s better.”
They continued down the beach, towards the distant glow of the boardwalk in Rehoboth and nearing some of the semi-mansions right behind the dunes. A few of them had dimly-lit decks, with people on them enjoying the evening, but Katie and Carson were near the water and, even if they could be seen, it would be as dim outlines only. When they reached a small gap between the houses, Katie broke stride.
“Do you mind if we take a little break here,” she asked. Carson appeared perplexed, but Katie was already plopping down before she’d finished her sentence. Shrugging, he sat down in the sand, and Katie joined him, leaning against his firm body. She put her arm around his shoulders and slid the fingers of her other hand over his forearm. “You’re very easy to spend time with, Carson,” she told him, her lips very close to his neck.
He stared out into the black ocean. “Thanks. I have to admit, I enjoy your company as well.”
She tilted her head away from him slightly. “You say that like it surprises you. Did you think you wouldn’t?”
He shook his head. “I’m not sure, but that’s because of me, not you. I’m… well, let’s just say I’m no longer… um, I’m not really the kind of guy a good woman like yourself would want to spend a lot of time with.”
Whatever it is, here it comes. “That’s not true. You’ve been nothing but a perfect gentleman since we met.”
Carson let out a long sigh. “Yeah, but that’s not hard. I mean, you are a pushy pain in the ass,” he said, the tiniest hint of mirth in his otherwise somber tone, “but you’re very nice as well as intelligent, attractive, and funny. I don’t think I could be anything less than a gentleman to you.”
“But you still aren’t – worthy of me? That’s foolish.”
“It’s not as silly as you think. And it’s not because I don’t like you.” He sat in place, grabbing fists of sand and throwing them down harshly. He’s struggling.
Katie took his chin in her hand and forced him to look in her direction. His head turned, but his eyes remained downcast, held there by embarrassment or shame or guilt or whatever. She pushed up, waiting until he made his green eyes visible to her blue ones. They faltered, as if the pain he hid was breaking through some sort of protective veneer. “Carson, tell me. I’ll listen and understand. I promise.”
His eyes widened for a second before he rose like a shot, nearly throwing her off balance. He stepped towards the water, his hands folded behind his head, clearly in distress. She wanted to jump up and chase him, but he seemed to want his space, so she gave it to him. When he pivoted in the damp sand to look back at her, she swore she had never seen such a tormented face.
***
She’s pushing me too hard.
No, she deserves to know before things get too serious. It’s time to fess up.
He hated what he had to say, but it was the right thing to do, for both of them. “There was someone else. A while ago. And I’m not over her yet.”
“How long ago?”
“A little over four years.”
Katie’s brow crinkled with confusion. “No one carries a torch that long. What happened?”
“She died.”
“Oh.” Katie looked horrified, as if she had just peaked through a doorway and seen something she wished she hadn’t. “I’m very sorry, Carson.”
“Yeah.” He wanted to say more, but the familiar pain and sadness was constricting his chest and throat. His voice was raspy.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Carson tried to breathe deep to keep his
