The ferry continued to grind into the bigger ship for several seconds as lights twisted and swung wildly. Katie couldn’t get a clear picture of what was going on, but she knew it couldn’t be good. Whatever was happening, it went on far longer than she expected.
Compared to the first explosion, the second seemed like an atomic bomb. The fireball expanded to engulf both of the boats and rose to several hundred feet almost instantly. Only once the light from it was beginning to fade did the crumpling roar of the blast reach her ears.
Chapter 16
Riding the Wave
Katie exited the passageway into the already-blistering early-morning sunshine of the Caribbean. She looked out over the island. She knew they were in the British Virgin Islands, but beyond that she didn’t recognize nor remember the name of this particular outcropping of white sand and palm trees. It didn’t really matter much to her. She was hoping the last three days of this cruise would do a better job than the first six in helping her forget the last few trying months.
She’d refused to believe the huge explosion had claimed Carson’s life, even though it put the ferry on the bottom of the bay and forced the colossal cargo ship to limp back to Wilmington for eight weeks of repairs. Everyone – the Coast Guard, the police, even the FBI – had told her there was no realistic possibility that anyone could have survived. The blast had been so powerful that ½-inch steel on the freighter had caved in, and jumping overboard into such turbulent water would have been suicidal. But, despite the powerful evidence, his was the only body they had not recovered. She clung to that fact with a fanatical belief, convinced he’d used every bit of his formidable skill to pull off an escape worthy of a James Bond novel and would soon show up at her front door. She watched for signs or hints of him at every turn, all the while not having the foggiest idea of the form they might take. The federal officers protecting her every hour of every day of the trial watched everything as well, but they were looking for something far more threatening.
As spring turned to summer and she went through the endless interviews, depositions, and consultations about the criminal charges against her father and the others involved in her abduction, she started wondering exactly how long he planned to wait. Had she missed his signal? Even as she outwardly maintained her ironclad veil of certainty about his return, whispers in the back of her mind started getting louder, and she knew she’d have to answer them soon.
“Love,” Emma said to her one night at her home in September, “you know I want Carson to be alive almost as much as you do. I know how happy he makes you. But it’s been four months. Either he doesn’t want to come back to you, or he can’t. Either way, I think you have to face facts and let him go.”
Katie snapped back, telling her she didn’t know what the hell she was talking about, but the harsh words were driven by her own doubts and concerns. When she could not reasonably respond to any of Emma’s gentle questions about why she maintained her beliefs against such overwhelming evidence, the walls collapsed and the tears came. At that moment she accepted that Carson would no longer be a part of her life, that she was alone once again. But, unlike the end of her marriage, accepting this situation pierced her to her core.
But she knew he would not have abandoned her. She had seen the self-loathing in his eyes at having inadvertently wronged her once and she knew he would accept death before succumbing to that again. That meant he had to be dead, even though such an honorable attribute only made it harder to accept. Such a good man, torn from her life. She asked herself over and over again if she should choose to believe he had just taken off – at least then he’d be a jerk. But that would be another delusion, and the rational part of her mind told her that dealing in facts was the only way to heal.
So she mourned. Not outwardly, though. She remained composed at the office and at the few social gatherings she attended, but the few astute observers that had come to know her noticed her smile, which normally filled a room with its glow, now barely extended beyond her mouth.
It was at home, in private or with Emma, that alcohol flowed, bringing forth the tears and the sorrow. Katie wondered how her life, which was so charmed, so filled with potential, could also be so full of misery and misfortune. She felt sorry for herself and she knew it, but couldn’t shake the feeling and saw no way out of the blackness. Even in her clearer moments, she knew the road would be long and difficult.
She resigned her position with the board of directors of her company. She wasn’t in any condition to head a multi-billion-dollar company, and in light of all that had taken place, she had lost her appetite for any part of her father’s business.
When she realized her cruise, the one she had teasingly told Carson he might be able to join her on, was only a few weeks out, her first thought was to cancel. Going alone would only reinforce Carson’s absence, and who needed that? But the trial, which had weighed so heavily upon her for months, was finally over, and Emma convinced her a break from her responsibilities might clear her mind and help her healing. So, despite the melancholy that would not release its hold on her heart or soul, she packed her bags
