‘What?’
‘I’m enquiring as to how you rated your performance.’
‘Are you trying to be funny?’
‘Merely interested in those with whom I conduct business.’
‘I’ll call the Guards.’
‘How very kind. But, unlike yourself, I am not fond of handcuffs. Gemma seemed quite attached to them though. I see you enjoyed her in the traditional Christian praying position. And in the praying-to-Mecca position.’
‘What the hell do you want?’
‘To assure your peace of mind.’
‘How much?’
‘Shall we say £60,000?’
‘Are you fucking mad?’
‘How thoughtful of you to ask. Now, I do hope seven o’clock this evening does not inconvenience you. Deliver your donation, wrapped in a black bin liner, to the first roadside waste bin you come to past the Horse and Jockey public house going south on the Wexford road out of Dublin. Good morning.’
I then rang client number two.
‘Am I addressing a Mr Webb?’
‘Speaking.’
‘Mr Webb, are you at liberty to converse on a matter of some delicacy?’
‘Eh?’
‘Is it safe for you to speak without the risk of being overheard?’
‘It is. Who’s this?’
‘One who has your good name at heart. I feel it is my duty to apprise you on a matter which has come to my attention concerning a girl with whom you spent some time at the Top Towers Hotel.’
‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’
‘I quite understand. Let me preface that which I am about to divulge by assuring you that I seek not to profit from this exchange. Suffice it to say that your liaison with the girl was secretly filmed.’
‘What?’
‘I’m afraid so.’
‘Jesus Christ!’
‘Quite.’
‘What is it you want?’
‘To inform you as to where the evidence can be retrieved.’
‘In return for?’
‘Not a thing.’
‘I don’t understand. You wouldn’t be telling me this without wanting something.’
‘I will leave the item for you taped to the inside of a waste bin.’ I instructed him accordingly. ‘Arrive this evening at eight o’clock sharp, and you will find it waiting for you.’
‘Why are you doing this?’
‘Call it my good deed for the day. Goodbye.’
Now for those of you who might be wondering why I had gone to these lengths, the explanation came in the form of Mr Agnew at the appointed hour. He put the package into the waste bin, its own weight then carried it down through the false floor to the box which I had constructed and the split lid sprang back, reinstating the base to its original position. He took a moment or two to furtively reconnoitre the surrounding area, perhaps in the expectation that I might put in an appearance, then drove away.
An hour later Mr Webb arrived and removed a videotape which I had taped behind the lid of the bin then departed unencumbered. Which told me that Mr Agnew had not involved the police. Had he, they would have assumed that Mr Webb was busying himself in the bin’s interior to extract the cash and that he had perpetrated the incident.
They would have closed in. When they did not, I, as an extra precaution, went to the far side of the field, having waited for the cover of darkness and drew on the catgut, which pulled the box out of the bin and across to where I was happy to take possession of its contents.
I then rang Mr Webb.
‘Mr Webb, I’m afraid I owe you an apology.’
‘I don’t see how.’
‘Alas, the information I gave you was incorrect.’
‘How?’
‘Have you had the opportunity to view the tape?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Then I must inform you that a copy will be delivered to your wife.’
‘What? But you said you didn’t want any money.’
‘An administrative error. Kindly place £60,000 in cash in the same waste bin tomorrow evening at seven sharp. Good night.’
I then rang Mr Agnew.
‘Mr Agnew, I trust you are well.’
‘Uh?’
‘I neglected to leave you the master copy.’
He sounded suspicious. ‘Eh?’
‘Return to the same waste bin tomorrow evening at eight o’clock and you will find that it has been taped to the inside of the lid. You may take possession and conclude the transaction. Goodbye.’
The reverse now applied. If Mr Webb decided to alert the authorities, they would then have been in a position to observe Mr Agnew’s eight o’clock appearance. He would have been seen as the perpetrator. You will be delighted to hear that Mr Webb deposited the cash into the bin, Mr Agnew later retrieved his so-called ‘master’ copy and I took into my bosom the second £60,000. I’d received £120,000. I was not displeased.
RED DOCK
Corn doesn’t take any chances. He got those two punters of Gemma’s to pay him by playing one off against the other in case the law turned up. Crafty bastard. I might use that trick myself sometime. I’d tailed him to see how he’d do it. He was in the vicinity, they made the drops then he disappeared into a field before heading off. Alternative uses for waste bins. Anyway, his fee had been well paid – that was the main thing. Time to make him work for it.
I got on to his laptop and told him to get his scalpels sharpened.
Then I went to visit my family – what was left of it. I was gonna get Corn to deal with Conor as well as Anne, but I was wise to the bastard: he’d only do one then demand a couple more of Gemma’s punters before doing the other. I wanted it over with, so I decided to do Conor myself.
The same method of thinking applied. This would later seem like Lucille’s handiwork.
I parked along the road and cut up through the fields to Conor’s place. I didn’t tell him his brother was coming home to see him or anything; wanted it to be a surprise. Family members are always surprising one another, or so I’m told. I only know about families from what I’m told, and from what I’m told, I’m glad I only know what I’m told.
Not that Conor would see it like that. After I’d finished with him, he wouldn’t be seeing anything. I’d brought him a
