Then it hit him, so swift, so sudden, like a punch inthe gut that knocked the air from his lungs.
Matt was gone.
Not gone as in for good—his clothes still hung in thecloset, and his toothbrush sat beside Vic’s on the bathroom sink.That small fact calmed Vic down, evened his breathing, stilled hisracing heart. The toothbrush was there, and Matt’s cologne satnestled beside Vic’s shaving cream on the back of the toilet, andhis glasses lay folded on his bedside table. So he hadn’tleft, really. He just hadn’t yet come back.
Sitting on Matt’s side of the bed, Vic dialed thenumber to Matt’s cell phone without thinking and listened to itring a full three times before he remembered it had been lost. HadMatt found it earlier in the day, or was it still missing? When theringing stopped, Vic’s heart leapt, but it was just his lover’srecorded voice in his ear. “Hey, this is Matt. Leave a message andI’ll hit you back.”
After the beep, Vic didn’t hang up. Instead, helistened to the empty air and tried to focus his mind down the openline—maybe he could route his thoughts through the line the way hehad when Jordan called Matt at work. Then he could figure out wherethe phone was and maybe find Matt that way…
But if Matt didn’t have his phone, what wasthe use?
Vic hung up in disgust.
Maybe Matt was still at work. Without a working cellof his own, Vic had been out of touch all day. Maybe Matt had towork late, for whatever reason—maybe he had an impromptu swim meet,or an early evening water aerobics class, and Vic was worrying overnothing. With that thought in mind, he raced into the living roomand snatched up the phone book. On an empty page in the back of thebook, Matt kept a list of frequently used numbers; Vic would calleach one in turn if he had to, if only to ease his troubled mind.The gym’s main number was near the bottom of the list, labeledWORK. Dialing quickly, Vic prayed for someone to answer.
He just got the recording.
“Damn it.” He slammed the phone on the coffee table;strength swirled through him like a drug, heady and quick, and heheard the plastic receiver crack where it struck the wood. Then henoticed two numbers penciled in under the gym’s on Matt’s list. Onehad the same first three numbers as the gym, the other wassomewhere on the south side of Richmond. Sinking to the couch, Vicdialed the first number; it rang and rang, then clicked as the linewas routed to another circuit, then began to ring again. After aneternity of holding his breath, Vic heard the gym’s answeringservice pick up.
He didn’t bother to leave a message. That number wasprobably Matt’s direct line, and Vic knew he didn’t have his ownvoice mail system; Roxie took his calls. She practically ran thegym, and it came as no surprise to Vic when he dialed the secondnumber that she answered the phone. “Roxie. Vic.”
Through the line he heard her take a drag on acigarette, then blow the smoke out into the receiver. “Vic who?”Before he could reply, she laughed. “Oh! You. Hey there. What’sup?”
Vic cut to the chase. “Did you see Matt today?”
“He didn’t come in.”
Her words sank to the bottom of Vic’s stomach likestones. “What? You mean at all?”
“I didn’t see him.” Another puff on her smoke, andshe added, “And judging from the stack of phone messages I’ve gotwaiting for him by my computer at work, I don’t think he snuck inwithout me noticing. What’s up? He sick or something?”
Vic didn’t want to admit he didn’t know, but he alsodidn’t want to get Matt into trouble for skipping work, whateverhis lover’s reasons might’ve been. “Didn’t he call in?”
“Nah.” Roxie took a drag on her cigarette, signalingan end to the conversation. “Listen, nurse him back to health forme, you hear? I don’t want to have to be the one to explain to aroomful of rowdy kids why the pool’s closed again tomorrow. I gotto go, Jeopardy!’s coming on. Take care, both of you.”
“Sure.” Vic hung up, numb.
* * * *
Part of him wanted to tear through the city streetslike a dervish until he found Matt and brought him back. Anotherpart wanted to stay where he was, wait for Matt to come home…he’dfeel stupid if he got all worked up only to find Matt checking outat the grocery store. But his earlier thoughts of Matt, bound andstimulated like an extra in a porn flick, made Vic suspect hislover wasn’t standing in line at Food Lion. If only he knew whereto start looking, he’d rush out there and find him…
Again he tried to open his mind, but he found itdifficult to concentrate. Everywhere he looked, he saw somethingthat reminded him of Matt, and a desperation began to claw at histhroat, making it hard to breathe. His gaze roamed the living roomwalls to settle on a handful of picture frames atop the television.Matt in bed, wearing nothing but a thin sheet and a sexy grin. Aclose-up of the two of them, a black and white shot taken in aphoto booth and blown up to a decent size—Vic’s arm around Matt’sneck hugged his lover close as his lips pressed to Matt’s templefor a quick kiss. And Vic’s favorite picture, snapped through theclosed balcony door without Matt’s knowledge—his lover in one ofthe chairs on the balcony of their apartment, wrapped in Vic’sflannel robe as he stared out at the scenery, dark curls windblown,profile flawless.
On the dining room table sat Matt’s morning coffeecup. His dress shoes peeked at Vic from under the phone table inthe hall. A bottle of suntan lotion lay on the end table near thecouch, right where Matt had dropped it after they returned fromKyle’s. Vic imagined he could still feel those strong hands rubbingthe
