Reagan—Somewhere deep down you’re still in love with her. You’ve never even had a real relationship. It’s been years Beau—maybe now it’s finally your chance.
She wasn’t wrong. I’d been head over heels, couldn’t talk a straight sentence, in love with Cassidy Mae Jones for as long as I could remember. That was way before she’d ever become a Peterson. Being as she was my sister’s best friend and I saw her and spoke a few words to her every day. I just knew that one day, I was going to make this girl fall in love with me. Dark, almost black hair, a smile as big as the sun, and eyes the color of sparkling emeralds.
I’d heard she’d up and married some fancy guy who moved her to the city and we hadn’t seen her since. It was odd, her being back in town all of a sudden. The feeling I had earlier in the day was coming back and I knew it was her. I only got this way around her. This can’t breathe, nerves in my throat feeling that I’ve had since I was young.
I wanted to see her, but if she was hiding out at her parent’s house there had to be a reason behind it. Cassidy Mae had always been a happy go lucky girl, the popular one, the homecoming queen. So, her not even stoppin’ in town to say hi made me wonder. I didn’t know why she’d come home after staying away for so long but one thing was for sure. My dream girl had come home and I finally had a shot at getting her to see me. I’m not that scared, shy boy anymore. I’m a man. And this man wants his woman. The only one who’s been occupying my dreams for all these years. I needed to know if she was home just to visit and was truly happily married or if she’d be staying.
Me- Hey Rae, wanna do me a favor?
Reagan—Anything for you, big bro…
Me—I need some intel. Why is she here? How long she’s staying.
Reagan—I’m on it, chief!
My old room looked exactly the same as it did when I left. Absolutely nothing had changed. I’d never been one for pinks and girly things. My room was decorated with walls of soothing turquoise, unlike the room with Andrew. It had been stark white and sterile. The curtains and bedding of my room were layered in black and white damask prints. The desk I used when I was in school stood in the corner by the window, my old laptop sitting with a layer of dust on top. I sat down in the middle of my old bed and a sneeze erupted from my nose. Clearly a layer of dust had gathered here as well.
We ate dinner that night in almost silence. There was a tension amidst us and I knew I was the reason for it. I was exhausted, mentally and physically. My brain was a constant rotation of what comes next. When would they come looking for me? Would I be arrested and found guilty? What would his family do to me? What would Devin do? So many questions peppered my brain, a flutter of activity.
We said our goodnights and I headed to my room to finish getting unpacked and settled back into the room I never thought I’d find myself in again.
I woke up more rested than I had anticipated. It’d been a long time since I’d actually slept the whole way through the night. I figured it had to do with the fact that I’d come home. For the first time in nearly a year, I felt safe. Or maybe it was because my body was just so exhausted that it needed sleep.
I decided that a shower and fresh change of clothes would drastically help my mood. I cringed every time I moved my sore and tender ribs. I couldn’t believe it. It’d been a week since I’d left him. I was so mad at him, but a part of me was mad at myself too. I should’ve left sooner. Hell, I should’ve never married him in the first place. Maybe then I wouldn’t feel like I’d lost a part of myself.
My mind wandered to Beau Montgomery for a minute. The boy I’d crushed on throughout high school who never seemed to be interested in me. Is he still in Moonshine Springs? What is he doing now? His family’s farm was one of my favorite hangout places when I was younger and I assumed he would take it over one day, but much like everything else I hadn’t kept up with small town gossip.
No, I shook my head. I gave myself a minute and that was all. All I would allow, before remembering exactly why I was home again. I had no room to think about my high school crush.
The smell of blueberry pancakes and bacon assaulted my senses and my stomach growled as I got out of the shower and put on clothes. I made my way to the kitchen as a knock sounded on the front door. I froze. Terror that whoever had seen me had finally come. Or it was the police letting me know they’d found my dead husband already.
I couldn’t breathe.
Couldn’t think.
Fear consumed every part of my mind.
The few seconds it took my Mama to walk to the front door felt like minutes, hours, days… I stilled, waiting to hear that low, deep voice that came to me in every nightmare while I slept. Almost as if my heart wouldn’t believe that he was gone.
I could hear the smile in my mother’s voice when she greeted whoever was on the other side of that door. I took a breath and realized that my whole body was shaking. At that moment I was glad everyone was so focused on whoever was at the front door. Mortification crawled through me, embarrassed that I’d been
