made me and forced myself to keep it down. I kept up my appearance and wore
heels around the house. I even tried to cover up the scars of my wolf bite with
makeup, so he wouldn’t see the defect in my skin and remind me of my stupidity.
And I smiled every time I saw Darren because even though I was still petrified of
him, I didn’t want him to focus on that. I wanted him to see my smile because I
knew it made him happy.
The only thing I couldn’t do was sleep. I’d try so hard to find the comfort I
sought in his arms, his heart beating against my ear and letting me know that
everything was okay. That I was okay. But then I’d close my eyes, and all I would see
was darkness. All I would feel was cold and lonely confinement. I’d hear my own
screams and wake in a panic when Darren held me too tightly. But then I’d realize
he wasn’t hurting me; he was comforting me, stroking back my hair and kissing my
tears away.
His touch always made me feel better. And when he wanted me … God, when he
wanted me …
I desperately threw myself into his passion, thriving in his affection, feeding off
it like a drug. My need for him became insatiable. I’d often find myself shaking
with anticipation and need when he wasn’t around. I had to know that he was
happy with me. It was the only thing that kept me together. When he was fucking
me, I was complete. I was serving my purpose and giving him what he wanted so he
would give me what I wanted: security.
I knew I was brainwashed, but the exhaustion of constantly fighting it was too
much. I was human after all, and I could only take so much. I wanted it to be over. I
wanted to be happy, and maybe if I did accept my life and knew there was no
escaping it, maybe there was a chance, if I let myself, I could be happy.
My plan for vengeance was officially gone, obliterated, and replaced by a
different need. My goal was to try to salvage what was left of my life, make peace
with it, and live as happily as I possibly could. I was still learning how to do that,
still adapting, but in the end, I still felt nothing inside. I lived to please, and when
Darren wasn’t around for me to please him, I felt useless and incomplete and feared
he would think I was slipping back into my old views and punish me again. I had a
feeling he was worried about me, but I didn’t know why. I was never leaving him. I
was his. I wanted him. What more was there?
After a lonely lunch one day, I sat in the library for a while to read. Camaro laid
at my feet while Clive and Owen sat quietly on the leather chairs not far from me
when Darren suddenly walked in. The hardened expression on his face made my
stomach twist, his stride too determined to convey a casual visit. But when he
stopped before me, his features immediately softened as he looked down at me,
and it allowed my heart to quiet once more.
“Reading again?” he asked, his voice lighthearted.
I nodded, trying to give him a small smile. I had been reading a lot lately. It kept
me out of trouble.
He crouched down to my eye level and gently took my face in his hands. Their
warmth had me leaning in to them, and I couldn’t help but show him my
appreciation. I found myself admiring the beauty of his face, the treacherous candy
coating that hid the evil inside. I wanted to taste the candy for the rest of my life if
it meant I never had to see the evil filling within again. Darren regarded me closely,
his eyes peering deep into mine, and I wondered what it was he was looking for.
“I want you to train with Scott today,” he said.
I furrowed my brows. He hadn’t had me train with Scott since we left the island.
“When?” I asked. Never why. I never asked why.
“Now.”
“Okay,” I said with a nod and closed my book.
Darren stood to allow me room to rise, and I followed him out of the library with
Camaro, Clive, and Owen. I quickly changed into some workout clothes in my room
and met Scott in the gym. Darren was not present. Scott stood in the middle of the
cage with a focus mitt on each hand. He looked just as determined as Darren had
been.
Making sure I was well stretched before I started, I sat on the floor in a full split
while I wrapped my
