I leaned into her, my jaw now aching from clenching. “You can’t help me, Holly.
No one can. It’s not allowed. I’m on my own in this.”
“Miss Jaden,” Hank called out to me from outside the doorway, my warning to
shut my mouth before I gave away too much. I scowled in his direction before
turning back to Holly.
“I am not fucking painting,” I said a little too loudly and turned to walk out of
the room.
I made it to the doorway only to stop in my tracks when I suddenly caught sight
of Darren standing in the hallway, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed
over his chest as he stared me down. I could feel the icy chill of his glare as it
crawled up my spine, warning me to comply. Apparently, I would be painting after
all.
My hands balled into tight fists at my sides until my knuckles turned white.
With an irritated groan, I turned and begrudgingly marched back into the sunroom,
a slight look of fear now plastered on Holly’s face. “Fine! You want me to paint?” I
growled as I stormed toward the easel. I grabbed the canvas and slammed it onto
the floor. “Then let’s fucking paint!” I then took the tray, set it on the floor next to
the canvas, and dipped my fingers into the black inky acrylic paint.
Kneeling down, I traced my paint-covered fingers angrily along the canvas,
brushing it in all different directions. For several minutes, my blood rushed wildly
as I swept more globs of black paint along the canvas, occasionally mixing in some
gray or red. Holly stood off to the side, completely ignoring her canvas as she
watched me uneasily. My heart raced while my breathing was quick and sharp; my
blood pulsed through my veins with every stroke of my finger. I was sure finger
painting on the floor wasn’t what Holly had in mind, but hey, at least I was
participating.
When I was satisfied with my canvas, I took the bottom of my fist, covered it in a
giant gob of blood red paint, and slammed it down on the middle right area of the
painting. I then quickly picked it up and roughly placed it back on the easel to
watch the red paint from my fist begin to slowly drip down the canvas.
My masterpiece.
Holly said to let the colors speak for themselves, and I did. Those colors spoke a
thousand words, but they would never be heard. No one on this fucking island was
listening to those words; no one would even care to understand them … except one,
and he would punish me for it.
I looked down at my bare hands covered in black and red paint like I had
murdered someone with the blackness of my own heart. I turned my back on the
painting and a concerned Holly as I walked out of the room toward the bathroom. I
didn’t even care that I got wet paint on any handle I touched as I vigorously washed
my hands in the sink, rinsing my darkness away.
And when I was clean, I parked my ass on the bathroom floor, pulled my knees
to my chest, ran my hands through my hair, and took several deep breaths to calm
down. I wanted to scream; I wanted to cry, and rebel, and break all kinds of shit, but
it would do no good. I was not helping myself here. Holly was here to make me
better, but the only thing she had successfully done was piss me off.
This was exactly why I didn’t need her!
I didn’t know what the fuck Darren was thinking. Did he think she’d somehow
annoy me back to health? Maybe it was my motivation to get better, so I’d never
have to see her stupid ass face again. Darren did have a sick sense of humor.
After ten minutes of trying to calm my shit down, I heard a knock on the
bathroom door.
“Jaden? Are you all right?” came a timid voice from the other side.
“I’m fine, Holly. I’ll be out in a minute.”
“Okay, take your time. I’ll be just outside.”
Great.
After my minute was up, I stood and caught my reflection in the mirror. I didn’t
recognize her. And I shouldn’t because technically, she wasn’t even alive anymore.
She died a long time ago in an alley from a drug overdose. And the thing that
replaced her was nothing shy of a failure.
No. That wasn’t true. I had successfully completed my goal. I had escaped and
got my family out of Darren’s reach. That was all I really wanted. I knew someone
would eventually catch me, but as long as I had gotten the job done first, then it
would be worth it. I would pay those consequences if it meant I could save them.
And I did, so I was. I had to take the bad with the good. I had to find my colors in the
dark even if
