“I am sure you have noticed both Xylo and I look different from everyone else aboard ship?”
After a few seconds, I realized he was waiting for my reply. Hurriedly, I answered, “Yes, but I don’t see how that’s a problem? You’re both beautiful. Plus, anyone who’d judge your worth solely on your looks is a fool.”
He grimaced and said with a snort, “Well, Xylo is lucky to have you as his nestqueen because others do not agree.” He turned and met my eyes, his own brimming with sadness and hurt. “Her name does not matter anymore. She was the wealthy daughter of a shop my fathers did business with often. She thought I was a prize to be had and offered to take me as her nestmate after one of my performances. I agreed—what male in my situation would not?” He paused and took another deep breath. “I took the offer though I did not know her well. As a musician with a decided lack of looks, I had known chances were slim I would ever be part of a nestqueen’s clan. This was an unlooked-for opportunity, and I seized on it. And it would provide my fathers with a permanent connection to her clan.
“Things seemed fine. I did what every male would do to win over their nestqueen—following her, doing her bidding, caring for her. I only performed when I was not needed. After one of my performances, she came to me. She stated she was having doubts about our court bond. Other nestqueens were judging her. They said I was too pretty to be male, and since I played music, I was not masculine enough to have as a nestmate. She said she would overlook their criticisms and accept my bonding spore, only if I quit performing. If I only played music for her—in private.”
My heart bled for him as I tried not to let the tears overflow. He had been treated abominably and given how traumatic a severed courting bond appeared to be, I could understand now why Odelm seemed to be angry at females in general. I reached across the table to cover his hand with my own.
He looked down at our joined hands, his face anguished.
“And you picked your music over having a nestqueen?”
“Yes. I had heard how painful severing it could be, but I could not imagine it being more painful than being separated from my music. The occasional private performance would not have been enough.”
“Do you regret it?” I asked quietly.
He looked up at me. “I only regret having established a courting bond with her in the first place. Yes, being able to play is worth this hollow feeling.”
“I’m your friend. If there’s anything I can do to help...” I squeezed his hands. “Feel free to come and talk to me anytime. I want to be there for you as you have been for me.”
He gave me a sad smile before pulling his hands away and glancing down at his wristband. “Thank you. Surprisingly, I feel better being able to talk to you about it. I had always assumed discussing it would make it worse. I will remember this conversation. But right now, I need to get ready for my performance. Will you stay?”
“I would love to. I’ll sit here and listen as I continue my research.”
“Thank you, Selena. I will return when I am done.”
I watched him thoughtfully for a moment as he left the booth and stepped up on stage. Then I turned back to Xylo’s tablet to continue where I’d left off.
Odelm’s music that night was slow and emotion-filled. Each note made me feel what he felt. I was the one riding high, then plunging into despair as I soared and dipped with his incredible performance. I finally gave up my vain attempts to study and simply leaned back in the booth and closed my eyes to listen.
Time passed, and I lost myself in the music, listening to Odelm put his heart into his music until darkness overcame me.
Chapter Twenty-Four Odelm
Jealousy was something Odelm had rarely experienced, but it had been his constant companion since Selena had come into his life. Was it really only a few short days ago?
He had long since accepted the hand the Fates had dealt him, but he was feeling emotions he had not since he was a youngling. Seeing how Master Scholar Xylo and Selena interacted, he had found himself longing—as he once had—to be better, to be accepted.
He wished a nestqueen like Selena had been the one to pick him. To be given the freedom to play his music while having the mental comforts of a nestqueen...
Odelm still felt Xylo should have taken a break from his work to aid Selena in adjusting to life on the ship. He was amazed at her resilience. He could not comprehend how she could so readily accept everything that had happened to her, that it had made her neither bitter nor timid. The fact she consistently defended Xylo—and argued her strong belief nestmates should be allowed the independence to follow their interests—baffled him, but he knew that it was proof of her character.
‘What-ifs’ had flooded every waking moment since she had talked to him that first day. He still had not forgiven himself for making her leak water—what she called ‘crying.’ Selena was not like any of the nestqueens he had known. Including the ones aboard ship—who he still believed would forget their fine new ideals and dreams, reverting to the old ways once they had settled on a new planet. He had certainly never considered—nor wanted—another chance to prove himself to a nestqueen.
Until now—until he had met Selena.
She had taught him not to stereotype and not all females were the same. Perhaps it was because she was an alien race. Or maybe it was her resilience and optimism, despite her years of abuse. Kaede had told Odelm a few details about Selena’s past when they had
