Z’fir added, “And from what we have heard from Kaede—and from Prince Zirene Darcaw’s aide—we may be docking there for quite a long time.”
Finally meeting Z’fir’s gaze, I nervously asked, “Why is that?”
He exchanged a glance with V’dim before focusing his pupilless emerald eyes on me. “The Aldawi Prince is worried about how news of you and your cubs will be received by the rest of CEG. You are sentient, so you have rights, but precisely how CEG law applies still needs to be ironed out. The situation is going to be fragile until everything gets settled. You and your cubs will be provided full-time security. They told us once we dock to expect an extended stay until your future was determined.”
“What do you think is going to happen?”
“We cannot say for sure, but Prince Zirene told us the ultimate goal is to have you stay with the Aldawi. Which means your journey with us will end once everything gets settled,” V’dim admitted.
That was what I’d been afraid of—that I’d have no say in my future. That others were planning my future for me without my input, without even asking my opinion—as though my feelings didn’t matter.
That hurt.
Did they think me incapable of thinking for myself? Was I just property being transferred from the Yaarkins to the Aldawi? What if I wanted to stay with Xylo, Odelm, and the Circuli as we looked for a new planet to colonize? It seemed I wouldn’t be given that option. And now that I’d bonded with both Xylo and Odelm, they were as stuck as I was.
I turned away as my eyes filled with tears. Unable to stop their fall, I swiped at them with both hands as I stared at the ceiling, willing myself to calm down.
There was the sound of movement, and a cool hand touched my cheek, tipping my face back down. My vision blurry, I peered up to see V’dim, his head tilted toward mine, his eyes closed. A wave of calm blanketed me once more, and my tears dried.
I sighed.
“Selena. Why do we feel so much anguish? Almost panic...” Z’fir whispered near my ear.
I gasped in shock. I hadn’t even noticed he’d moved to my other side.
“My future. My past. So many things... Am I doomed forever to be property? Will I get no say in my own life? It is all so overwhelming... and I barely know who I am and...” I sobbed, eyes closed so I didn’t have to look at either of them. Though I couldn’t turn away—V’dim cradled my face in his hands.
“Explain it. Please. Perhaps we can help,” Z’fir pleaded.
I shook my head. “I don’t know where to start. There is too much... and I don’t want to go through it all again... don’t want to relive... I can’t go through it again... and my cubs—” I hiccupped disjointedly.
“Will you trust us, Selena?” V’dim asked gently.
I studied my hands in my lap, highly aware of the princes on either side of me. I knew I should trust them. Both Xylo and Odelm trusted them, and they’d know if anything was amiss. Unless the princes had a way of blocking my connections to them? But no, Kaede would tear the ship apart if I went missing. He was probably keeping an eye on me even now.
I relaxed as that thought brought a measure of comfort.
Truly, I didn’t believe the princes wanted to harm me. They had been nothing but kind and caring with me though I had seen their stern and authoritative side with others. So, maybe I wasn’t ready to fully trust them, but I trusted they wouldn’t harm me.
“Why do you ask?”
“With your permission, we can read you. Your past. Your doubts and fears. We would be able to understand what you have been through and what you are worried about without you needing to relive any of it. That insight into who you are might show us how we can help you,” V’dim explained, his thumbs stroking my cheeks.
“What would I have to do?”
“Drop your mental shields and give yourself over to us.”
“I’d have to have sex with both of you?” I choked.
“N-no. No!” Z’fir stammered. “That is not what he meant.” He glanced at V’dim with a wry chuckle before his focus returned to me. “No. We would never be so bold as to ask such a thing of you. Certainly not for such a purpose! What V’dim was trying to say is we would need you to relax and drop your mental shields, allow us into your mind.”
“Would it hurt?”
“No. It can, but only if you resist. The greater the resistance, the greater the pain. But we do not do that. We would not violate someone’s privacy like that without extreme need—such as the investigation of a crime,” Z’fir explained.
“What would it feel like?” Panicked thoughts of accidentally fighting the intrusion—and the pain it could cause—flooded me.
I felt another soothing wave from V’dim and relaxed into it.
“Not unlike the way it feels when someone knocks on your mental barriers to begin a psi conversation. You will feel something caressing your thoughts instead of your mental shields, and it would last longer and go deeper. I expect it is probably similar to how you telepathically communicate with your nestmates—but without the familiarity of a bond thread,” Z’fir answered.
“Understand, this level of scanning is extremely intimate. Even nestqueens might not go this deep with their own nestmates—not even their Favored. We will know everything,” V’dim murmured, his turquoise eyes tracing my face as his thumbs continued to stroke my cheeks.
Closing my eyes, I took a few breaths, trying to process. I was terrified at the thought of allowing such intimacy, but it could certainly be a
