The feeling of two appendages snaking around my legs broke me from my absorption, and I looked down to see what was touching me. Xylo’s vines. He knelt on the floor by my feet with a horrified look on his face. His hands hovered above my legs, shaking.
I turned to face him, dragging my hands across my eyes to clear the tears. Xylo’s eyes were sorrowful, full of regret as he searched my own.
“Selena…” he choked out, voice thick with emotion. “The things you were thinking... I would never...” He swallowed hard and started again. “I am sorry. I did not mean to yell at you. What I experienced earlier today while you were unconscious is something I hope never to experience ever again. You terrified me. When we found you unresponsive on their couch—with them collapsed beside you—I feared the worst.
“And after learning what had happened, what they had done... what you had allowed”—he swallowed again—“I was overwhelmed by so many conflicting emotions, I am still trying to sort them out. Rage they asked this of you when you are not a criminal, when you are pregnant and an unfamiliar species. Lingering pain from the feeling of the severed bond we suffered the entire time you were unconscious. I have no idea how Odelm managed all these years, frankly. Jealousy because that is something so personal—so intimate—that it is usually not done. And if it is, only a few nestmates experience it with their nestqueens. I felt robbed. Inadequate.”
Tears were once more streaming down my face, and I pressed my hands to my mouth to silence the sobs.
“Why did two males—both princes—get to experience something with you that you did not offer to share with me, your only permanently bonded nestmate? The one who has been with you since you woke up? Or Odelm? Who has always been there for you, even before you court-bonded?”
With my emotions riding me so hard, I couldn’t find the words to ease him, to explain. So instead, I leaned forward and cradled Xylo’s face in my hands, pressing my forehead to his. I focused on lowering my barriers and pouring my thoughts and emotions into my bond with each of them.
I looked deep into Xylo’s eyes before closing mine and tracing his soft lips with my own. I fell into the kiss. Odelm’s arms crept around my stomach as Xylo’s hands slid into my hair, pulling me closer to deepen the kiss.
My pulse quickened from my nestmates’ touches.
Pulling back just enough to bite his bottom lip, tasting his downy fuzz, I licked along the seam of his mouth. He sighed and opened to my questing tongue. A moan escaped me as I savored his sweet herbal taste. I lapped at the inside of his mouth, his tongue entangling with my own. I gave myself over to him, wanting to show him how I felt.
I felt Odelm slide his hands away, then the blanket was pulled free. Cool air hit my bare legs. His hand gripped my foot, working its way up my leg, and I moaned at the teasing caress.
I dragged myself away from Xylo’s mouth with an effort, panting, and focused on the exquisite sensations as Odelm’s hand journeyed up my leg. My arousal spiked, and I could feel my center getting slick with my essence.
Opening my eyes, I met Xylo’s pupilless teal ones, needing him to understand. Willing him to understand. “Xylo—”
“I know Selena. I read it. I felt it,” Xylo whispered.
Odelm’s hand froze at my knee—as if he knew how vital it was to me to speak, to resolve things with Xylo.
“I am sorry, Xylo. I never meant to hurt you. Either of you.”
“There is nothing to be sorry for. I understand now. I see what happened. But... please. Do not do that to us again?” Xylo breathed against my lips, tickling as he spoke.
“Once my cubs are born”—I hesitated, not wanting them to think I was pushing—“maybe we could try it? The three of us? I’d like to show you... if you wanted to, I mean...”
Xylo turned to meet Odelm’s gaze beside me, then looked back at me.
“I would like that, but only if you are willing.”
“I am. I hadn’t known it was possible, Xylo. I never knew I could do that. But I want to share that with you,” I murmured, turning to Odelm as Xylo’s hands released my hair. “With you both.”
I watched Odelm, trying to gauge his reaction as his gaze darted between Xylo and me. Finally, he responded, and I could hear the hope in his voice.
“Does that mean that you will accept my bonding spore soon?”
Of course, he wanted a permanent bond, probably now more than ever. I knew today had triggered bad memories for him. Having felt his panic at nearly losing me and how closely his trauma mirrored Xylo’s, I realized how much I mattered to him already.
He deserved this. And he deserved the security of knowing we were bonded—that I would not reject him.
I smiled. “Yes. How about now?”
His eyes widened in shock as his hand gripped my knee tighter. “Truly?”
I looked over at Xylo, “If that is—”
“I will claim my right as your nestmate to watch.”
“What?” I choked.
“Nestmates not copulating with their nestqueen are allowed to watch. They can aid in her pleasure if the nestbrother fails to bring her to completion. It is the chosen nestmate’s chance to prove to his fellow nestbrothers he can satisfy their nestqueen, that he is worthy to sire her next batch of offspring,” Odelm explained.
“But I am not ovulating. Umm... not in heat.”
“No, but the nestqueen accepting our bonding spore is similar. Once you accept our bonding spore, our bodies sync with yours biologically, producing our seed when you start ovulating.
