“That is something you two need to discuss on your own,” he replied gently. “Just know he is in a fragile state at the moment and needs you.”
“Thank you, Xylo.”
I turned to Odelm and inspected him. His coloring was off—parts of him were a stressed darkened black, a worried orange, or a nervous yellow. Sighing, I walked over to him as his eyes followed me across the bathroom. I reached him and lightly grabbed his hand, leading him to the shower.
“It’s been a long day. I believe Xylo asked you to help me shower.” I glanced over my shoulder. “That is… if you want to.”
He hesitated as he peered down at our joined hands. “I want to. I didn’t know if you wanted me to.”
Rolling my eyes, I dropped his hand and opened the large, clear shower. I stepped onto the black-tiled floor and studied the options along the wall. It was definitely designed for a group to enjoy themselves together with its benches along the three walls and the multiple showerheads. Stars, I didn’t know any of the variety of soap options available.
How did Zirene know I bathed with both Xylo and Odelm? Did he believe my nestmates would join me as I showered? Or did he hope he would?
A cool violet arm reached above me and pushed some buttons, selecting an option before I could. All the shower jets turned on, the water’s warmth filling the enclosure with steam. A deep sigh escaped my lips as I closed my eyes, focusing on the sensations. I unconsciously stepped back into Odelm’s hard chest and smiled.
“You are distant… are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” I asked, leaning more into his wet body.
Arms wrapped around my stomach gently, holding me tightly as the warm water poured down between us. His ombre violet anemone hair draped over me as he lowered his chin onto my shoulder.
“I don’t know where to start,” Odelm replied softly.
“If you can’t tell me, how I am supposed to fix things and help ease your mind?”
I felt him exhale as his arms tightened.
“I know I failed you, but I fear…” He released his hold on me and stepped away. “I feel like you may… want to replace me.”
I turned to face him. His head was down as his hair curtained in front of his eyes, blocking them from me. I combed his hair back with both hands, its smoothness easily threading through my fingers, and grabbed his cheeks, pulling his gaze to meet mine. It was filled with sorrow, dimmed of any life.
“Why would you think such things?”
He glanced away, unable to meet my eyes.
“You had Xylo before I joined you… I was—and still am—honored you picked me as a nestmate, even with my past and profession. Even though you said you wouldn’t have any Favored, I still referred to Xylo for guidance, for he was the one who had direct access to all of your thoughts and wielded mental capabilities stronger than most on the Destiny.” He paused and locked his saddened gaze on mine. “But when you took the princes in and offered to try to give them the chance to sire offspring… I felt my world shatter.” He pulled away and stepped back, bumping into the wall bench.
“I keep telling myself you don’t want to declare anyone as your Favored, yet my instincts keep telling me Circuli culture always gives the Favored the first attempts to fertilize their nestqueen. I am no fool. Both princes may be exiled, but they are the leaders on the Destiny and strong mentally. Why wouldn’t you want them to sire your offspring? And Xylo was your first, has a more respectable profession, and is mentally stronger than me, which would leave me last to have a chance if you ever get to me.” He dropped onto the bench and leaned over, placing his head in his hands as the water continued to beat on him.
“I shouldn’t have these feelings. I should be grateful you are my nestqueen… but deep down, I am not happy. When I saw you court bond with my princes, I asked myself, ‘How can I compare to them? Is this what I get for keeping secrets from my nestqueen?’”
Tears fell down my cheeks. My anger ended up causing self-doubts in my sensitive nestmate. Odelm already experienced living as a severed male due to the selfishness of the female before me. I was his second chance of having a happy ending—a happy life. And now he believed he ruined it somehow, along with the possibility of siring any new offspring. I didn’t know it meant so much to him. I hadn’t thought of future offspring much while I was pregnant, nor did I realize my nestmates wanted to be sires. It never crossed my mind.
I closed the gap between us, gripping him as I fell to my knees. Grabbing his hands, I pulled them away from his face and leaned my forehead to his, allowing his hair to cover us both. Staring deeply into his pale green eyes, I sent all my love to him through our bond.
“Odelm…” I breathed. “Feel that? That is my love for you. I love you.” He closed his eyes and nodded. “I didn’t intend to hurt you in any way. My focus was getting through my pregnancy while learning everything I could… including about both Xylo and you. I took in the princes to protect them while giving everyone on the Destiny a place to call home. It was a political deal… everything was.”
“Will you ever try to—”
“Get to know them? Love them? I don’t know. It is too soon to say,” I murmured. “Odelm. I respect them… Stars, I like them and enjoy the time they have spent with us.” I gently grabbed his cheeks and gave him a light kiss as the warm
