“I know,” I said, covering my face with my hands.
“That’s… cheating.”
“I know,” I repeated, groaning before I dragged my hands down my face and let them fall into my lap. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me, Juniper. I…” I shook my head, throwing my hands up. “I’m feverish when I’m around him, and yet I’m addicted to the heat. And with Joel…” I pressed my lips together against the emotion in my throat. “I don’t even know who he is anymore. I’ve never seen this side of him, and now that I have…”
I paused, shaking my head, not willing to finish that sentence.
“Nothing makes sense. Nothing feels right except being with Theo, which I know is the one thing that should feel wrong.” I panicked the more I admitted, shaking my head more and more, faster and faster as every inch of me trembled. “I’m spiraling out of control.”
“Listen to me,” Juniper said earnestly, setting her coffee aside and leaning in toward the camera. “This is all just a weird string of coincidences, okay? You and Joel are having some issues. What couple doesn’t? He’s got a lot on his mind with work, you’re feeling out of place, neither of you expected this to happen, for you to be on the yacht with him. It’s just a lot of unexpected stress, that’s all.”
I nodded, wiping my nose with the back of my hand.
“But the ball is still in your court. Okay? You still get to decide what happens from here.”
“What do I do?”
Juniper shrugged. “Nothing has actually happened yet, right? I mean, the hand holding, but it was just for a moment, and you stopped the kiss.”
My gut churned at the memory, at how much I wished I hadn’t stopped the kiss.
But I didn’t tell Juniper that.
“Just take it back to friendship. Set boundaries with Theo, whether that means staying away from him or having a conversation the next time you’re together.”
My stomach twisted again.
“And sit Joel down tonight. Don’t take no for an answer. You two need to work this out.”
I sighed, nodding, my lips rolling together as I fought back the urge to tell her that staying away from Theo was the last thing I wanted to do.
She was right.
I wasn’t a cheater. I wasn’t the kind of girl who would betray my boyfriend of almost four years just because some rich, beautiful man messed with my head.
But what if he’s not messing with you at all?
What if he actually means everything he’s said?
I shook my head, denying the possibility before it could even fully bloom. “Thank you, Juni,” I said, shoulders slumping on my next sigh. “I wish you were here.”
“Oh, trust me — so do I.” She smiled, but her eyes watched me with pity. “Are you going to be alright?”
“Yeah,” I promised with the best smile of my own that I could manage.
“Call me if you need anything, okay? No matter what time it is here or there. If you need someone, or if anything happens, I’m just a call away.”
I nodded again, and then we ended the call and I slunk back into bed, covering my head with the sheets.
Later that night, Joel stumbled into our cabin like a rhino in a room full of bowling pins.
The door slammed back against the wall, and he cursed, laughing at himself as he managed to shut it again. Then, he tripped over something, falling into the dresser and knocking half of what was on it off onto the floor. He laughed again as I rubbed my eyes and reached over to turn on the lamp beside the bed.
“Joel? What’s going on?”
“Shhhh,” he said, smiling as he held his finger to his lips. “I’m trying not to wake my girlfriend up.”
I smirked at his slurred words, at how much he looked like the young boy I met at CU in that moment. His hair was mussed, his cheeks rosy, eyes a little glazed and low.
“Hmm… well, I think it’s safe to say she’s already awake.”
Joel launched himself into bed, climbing on top of me and wrapping me up like a burrito. “Well, in that case,” he said, leaning back long enough to peck my nose. “Hi.”
I chuckled. “Hi, there. How are you feeling?”
“A little tipsy.”
I arched a brow. “I can see that, but I meant are you still feeling sick?”
Joel shrugged. “Ah, I’m fine.”
His eyes were lazy as they watched mine, and he tucked my hair behind one ear, rubbing the skin there with his thumb. For a while, we stayed like that, and I knew by the way his brows bent together as he watched me that he could tell I was upset.
“We should talk,” I whispered. “About the other night at the party.”
“I can think of something a lot more fun than talking,” Joel replied, and then his hand slid back into my hair and gripped, arching my neck for better access. He kissed me hard, grinding his pelvis between my legs, and I felt how hard he was, his desire rolling off him in plumes.
And once again, it made me ill.
I closed my eyes, forcing a breath and kissing him back. I wanted to want it. I wanted to give in, to solve the issue with a makeup session so good that neither of us would remember why we were mad in the first place.
But then he grabbed my breast, and I remembered how he grabbed Ivy’s.
And a flash of Theo struck behind my eyes, making my stomach turn violently.
“Joel,” I said, pressing my hands into his chest to stop his next kiss.
“Come on, baby,” he pleaded, pressing just as hard against my palms. His lips captured mine again with another roll of his hips. “I want to fuck you so bad right now.”
It should have turned me on. It should have made me moan and reach for him in equal earnest, should have had me drenched
