We held hands in public like it was a completely normal thing. He would even pull me into his side from time to time, pressing a sweet kiss in my hair.
We were walking inside a small boutique when he pulled me into the corner of the shop, kissing me breathless until I pressed against his chest with a furious blush, looking to make sure the shop owner hadn’t seen us.
And suddenly, that little feeling that had tugged at the corners of my heart earlier that morning was back.
“I’d like to jump inside that head of yours,” Theo mused, brushing my hair back from my face as his eyes searched mine.
“Not a whole lot going on at the moment.”
He laughed. “I think that’s a lie.” His arms wrapped fully around my waist, and he leaned against the shelf behind him, settling in. “Talk to me.”
I blew out a breath, looking around at all the luxurious clothing that surrounded us. Just like in Positano, I knew without looking that every item in here was well out of my budget, but nothing more than pocket change to Theo. When I brought my gaze back to his, I struggled to find the right words to explain what I was feeling.
“Everything happened so… suddenly,” I started. “But then again, I feel like it’s been happening for years, like I’ve been staring at a tree and watching it grow from a seedling to a giant oak.”
Theo didn’t interrupt. He just nodded, letting me know he was following.
“I just…” I swallowed. “I feel… guilty. I feel wrong.”
At that, Theo’s brows tugged together, and he tightened his grip on my waist. “What on Earth do you have to feel guilty about?”
I gave him a look. “Come on, you know the answer to that as much as I do. You and I… the other night… before everything went down with Joel.” I swallowed, uncomfortable even saying his name. “I shouldn’t have let myself get so close to you,” I said softer, and this time, my eyes locked on his. “And yet I couldn’t stay away.”
Theo inhaled a long, steady breath before he let it go. “I know the feeling well.” He paused. “Is this… am I doing too much, too quickly? Do you want me to back off?”
“No,” I said immediately, before I could even really digest the question. It was like my body and heart and soul answered for me before I could say something stupid. I clung to him more, gripping his shirt in my fists. “That’s the last thing I want.” I shook my head, staring at my hands on his chest. “Does that make me the worst human being to ever live?”
“What?” Theo shook his head on a laugh. “No. It makes you honest.”
I swallowed, still staring at my hands, still feeling the guilt raging inside me. “It’s just, I was just in a relationship with Joel, for years, and now he’s God knows where… and I…”
I stopped again before I could say the awful words swimming in my gut.
And I don’t even care that he’s gone.
“Hey,” Theo said, tilting my chin until I looked at him. “Let me ask you this — during this trip, the last few months… hell, even before this trip… were you really with Joel?”
I frowned, tilting my head in confusion.
“How long has it been since he took you on a date? Or since you two had a nice evening alone together? Or even a real conversation, for that matter? When is the last time he made you laugh, or feel safe, or loved?”
My stomach tightened more with every question he asked, because I couldn’t tell him a single answer.
“Aspen, it is okay to be happy,” he said, lowering his head to meet my gaze when I tried to tear it away. “I think maybe you’ve forgotten that, or surrendered it in the name of putting others around you first, or minimizing yourself so as to not be someone else’s problem. But trust me when I say it is a privilege to be around you, to soak up the sun you provide,” he said with a smile. “And unlike him, I will cherish every moment that I have you.”
I bit back a smile, hating that my eyes were once again glossing with tears. I had been more emotional in the past month than I had my entire life.
“You don’t have to defend your happiness — ever. Not to him, not to your friends or family or strangers, certainly not to me. And not to yourself, either, okay?” He leaned in closer, sliding his hands up to frame my face. “You are not only allowed to be happy, you should be happy. And I hope to be a part of what makes you that way.”
I shook my head, mostly in disbelief that a man like Theo Whitman would say such beautiful things to me. “And what about you,” I asked, peeling his hands off my face and kissing each palm before I wrapped my fingers around his. “What would make you happy?”
He looked around behind me for a moment, frowning until something caught his eye. Then, he lit up, smiling at the sight and then down at me. He kissed my knuckles, walking past me to grab something off the wall. He held it out of my view until he turned to face me again, and when he did, his smile was grand.
“Seeing you in this,” he said simply.
I gaped at the floor-length golden dress in his hand, the whole of it salted with crystals that glimmered in the boutique light. It had thin, delicate straps and a deep V-neck, the top a deep gold where the chiffon skirt was more of a cream. It sparkled with every slight move as Theo moved toward me, holding it gently over one arm as he held the hanger in the opposite hand.
I reached out to touch the fabric with my mouth still hanging open. It was like
