“Are you okay?” he asked.
“Yeah.”
“Good.”
There was something in his tone that gave me pause and caused ice cold fear to snake down my spine. “What’s wrong?” I propped myself up and stared at him.
“Nothing,” he said.
“Don’t lie to me. Not now,” I said, trying to keep the tremor from my voice. I hugged the blankets tightly around me, as if they would somehow protect me from whatever was about to happen.
He sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. “You said you couldn’t imagine having all those things you want without me, but…”
My stomach knotted, and my heart stopped. Why was he bringing this up now? We’d had that discussion almost two weeks ago. Had he really been thinking about it this entire time?
“But what?” I asked.
“No matter what you choose to do, you’re not going to have the life you want.” He shifted onto his side so he was facing me. “If you change, your dream of having kids is gone. If you don’t change, your dream of having all that stuff with me is gone, because I can’t give you that.”
I blinked against the forming tears. “What’re you saying?” My throat was raw and burning, and I swallowed hard. “If I don’t change, you’ll leave?”
I could not believe those words just left my mouth, or that Trent was even considering that as an option.
“Maybe,” he said.
My eyes widened, and my jaw dropped. An unexpected sob burst free.
“I almost watched you die, Chloe. And then I sat in this room for days, wondering if you’d wake up, wondering what I’d do if you didn’t.” His voice dipped with his admission. “And I realized that I’m not strong enough to handle your mortality.”
“What?” I was too stunned to say anything else.
“You want a life I can’t give you, and I don’t want to watch you die. I can’t.” He shook his head emphatically.
Everything he didn’t say echoed around the room. He wants me to change.
“I can’t believe this. You’d actually leave me if I chose not to change? What happened to being with me no matter what?” My voice rose with hysterics. I moved to get out of the bed.
Trent grabbed my arm. “Chloe, stop. Let me explain.”
“What’s there to explain? It sounds like you just gave me an ultimatum.” My tone was sharp.
“That’s not what I did.” His voice was firm, leaving no room for argument. His hold on loosened, and he trailed his fingers up my arm, leaving goose bumps in their wake. “You cannot possibly understand just how much I love you. On a good day, the heightened emotions are difficult, but with you, they’re unbearable. Everything inside of me is alive for you. And when you were dying…” He visibly swallowed. “All of me died, too.”
I settled back onto the bed and nodded for him to continue, though I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear what else he had to say. Was he going to end things with me? Had he reached his limit?
Despite how calm I might appear on the outside, I was falling apart on the inside. My stomach coiled into a tight knot, squeezing and twisting painfully. My heart thrashed violently against my ribs. Fear and desperation clawed at my chest.
“Do I want you to change and spend eternity with me? Absolutely. But only if that’s what you want.” He smiled sadly. “I realize there’s a good chance that won’t happen, so then what? You were right. Your death will destroy me—it nearly did destroy me—and I’m not sure I’m strong enough to handle that again.”
“Trent,” I choked through tears.
He told me I was his soulmate, that his entire existence now meant doing whatever he could to make sure I was safe and happy. He had to know leaving me wouldn’t make me happy. It wouldn’t make him happy, either.
“But more than anything else, I just want you to be happy. I want you to have the life you want, and if I can’t give you that…” He shrugged. “Then maybe I need to let you g—”
I pressed my hand over his mouth. “Don’t you dare finish that sentence.” I sniffled, my lips trembling. “Don’t.” I shook my head, my vision blurred by my tears. “This isn’t easy for me, either, Trent. I know what I’m doing to you, and I hate myself for it. But I’m too selfish to let you go. I can’t lose you.”
He removed my hand and gave it a loving squeeze. “I know. I’m sorry.”
Wrapping his arm around me, he tucked me firmly against him, my head on his chest. If I chose to remain human, I risked losing Trent. That knowledge was like a knife to the heart, twisting and turning, shredding me from the inside out. It hurt worse than my appendix bursting.
How could I expect him to stay with me knowing I’d die, knowing it would be too hard for him to watch that happen? It was then that it hit me—I wasn’t the only one with a choice to make.
My choice would affect Trent, and depending on what choice I made, he’d need to decide what was best for him, too. And what was best for him might not be me.
“I want to go home,” I mumbled against his chest.
“I know you do. This will be over soon.” He kissed the top of my head.
“No, I mean I want to go home now. Tonight.”
He pulled away and looked down at me. “What?”
“I want to go home,” I said louder and sat up. “I want to go back to Keene Valley.”
“You know that’s not possible. It’s not safe.” His voice was level, but there was an undercurrent of confusion and terror.
“I almost died, Trent. And no one but you and your family knows. Aunt Beth
