I rose up on my tiptoes and pressed my lips to his, but he didn’t kiss me back. Instead, he clutched my waist and held me an arm’s length away.
“Trent.” My voice gave out. “Please tell me you know that.”
He released me completely and rubbed the back of his neck again. I stared at him, my heart breaking into pieces. He paced away, then came back. Then paced away again. Finally, he stopped in front of me, and I waited, praying he wasn’t moments away from shattering me and destroying all our dreams.
“I know how much your family and friends mean to you, and I know that sometimes, the things they want are in direct conflict with what you want. And that sometimes, things need to be done that are dangerous, but not doing them could cost you your life,” he said, his voice level and firm. “I know that scares you, and every single time something happens, I force myself to stop and think, to try to find a solution that will keep you and them safe.”
I exhaled heavily. Tears burned my throat and eyes.
“I do that because I know it matters to you, because losing someone you love would hurt you, and I don’t ever want to hurt you,” he said.
He took my face into his hands, his touch so incredibly gentle it broke the tenuous dam holding back my tears, and they spilled down my cheeks.
“But believe me, if I could just kill every threat that came at you, I would. I’d do anything to protect you, Chloe,” he said fiercely.
“I know.” My lips trembled. “And that’s exactly why you were the right choice, because you’re always so rational, and you don’t do anything without thinking it through. It’s just one reason I love you.”
“Then please tell me you know that every choice I make is for you, that even when I say no, it’s because I’ve weighed every option already and feel like my decision is the only way I can think of to protect you,” he said.
“I know.” I sniffled. “But you need to know that I can make my own decisions, and even if you don’t agree with them, they’re my decisions to make.” I pulled back, and his hands fell from my face. I wiped my tears. “Everything we’re trying to do is dangerous. I know that. And I’ve accepted there are risks. So has Abby and everyone else involved. You can’t protect me from everything all the time.”
“I know. And that scares the hell out of me,” he said softly. “It’s my job to protect you.”
“Says who?” I crossed my arms.
He let out a surprised laugh and shook his head with amusement. “Me.”
I rolled my eyes.
“I didn’t know much about my biological father, but I knew he wasn’t a good guy. He disrespected women, abused them, treated them like they were his property to do with as he pleased.” Trent rubbed his hands over his face. “I swore I would never be like him.”
“And you’re not,” I said.
He couldn’t seriously believe he was anything like this biological father, could he? Trent was the most caring, gentle, considerate guy I’d ever known.
“No, I’m not,” he agreed. “But I also swore once I fell in love, I’d cherish her and love her and protect her with my life.” He closed the small distance between us, placed his hands on my shoulders, and bent his knees so we were eye level. “If I don’t protect you, I’m no better than my sperm-donor of a father.”
Great, here comes more tears.
Trent had told me about his father once, but he’d never shared this with me before. I never knew how strongly he felt about not being like his dad, or how it drove him to do everything he did, to make every choice he did. But now, thinking about everything that had led us to this moment, I could see clearly. It all made sense now.
I drew in a shaky breath; then I laughed.
Trent tilted his head with confusion. “What’s so funny?”
“You were right. I’m going to be a mess when you say your vows. There’s no way I’m not going to cry.”
He dragged his hands down my arms, stopping when he found my hands. He laced our fingers, then kissed my knuckles, a faint smile on his lips.
“And I don’t even care.” I shrugged. “I’ll stand on that altar and cry until I don’t have any tears left because I love you so much, and I want to hear every word you have to say.”
Because now I knew he didn’t say all those heartfelt things to me just because he was a hopeless romantic—he said them because he truly meant them, because every word he said, every choice he made, every touch and kiss and intimate encounter was done with a greater purpose.
Trent was fulfilling a promise he’d made to himself, a promise I was now a part of, and I was going to spend eternity helping him live up to that vow he’d made so long ago.
“I’ll go easy on you with the vows.” He winked.
“Don’t you dare.” I laughed again. “I want you to just be you. Be the guy that makes me cry all the happy tears.”
He captured my lips in a kiss that singed my nerves and fried my ability to think. I freed my hands from his and wrapped my arms around his neck at the same moment he lifted me from my feet.
I hooked my legs around his waist, and he deepened the kiss to the point I couldn’t breathe. My mind spun with the perfect chaos of lust, love, need, fear, and uncertainty. Being with Trent was always like that, though, a whirlwind of emotion I couldn’t control. All I could do was hang on for the ride.
Trent laid me
