The police still had her phone, and I needed a chance to go through it before Mike got his hands on it. Come to think of it, they had been keeping it for quite a while now.
I pulled over and called Jake. ‘Me again. Could you do me a favour and ask the police when will they be releasing Amy’s phone? I could pick it up today if they’ll let me take it?’
Jake paused. ‘The police don’t have Amy’s phone. All of her valuables were signed over to the family.’
‘So where is it now?’ I asked, genuinely puzzled.
‘It was handed over with the rest of her things to her next of kin.’ He hesitated for a second. ‘You could ask Mike what he has done with it?
Back at the house I began a new search, this time for the phone. I was certain that it wasn’t in the office, so I started to look in other places. It felt like a betrayal of Amy to be searching through the bedroom that she shared with Mike, but I had to make sure he wasn’t hiding it somewhere. I couldn’t decide if I suspected him or not – I just knew I needed to find that phone. I even tried calling Amy’s number in case it was switched on and I might hear it ringing. It was like looking for a needle in a haystack.
Suspicion, guilt, grief – what was I supposed to be feeling right now? My head was pulling me in a hundred different directions. I slumped back against the bedroom wall and took a sip of vodka from my flask, wiping the tears from my face with the back of my hand.
Downstairs, I heard the front door open and Rachel’s familiar voice called out. Snapped back into the moment, I went down to find her in Amy’s kitchen.
‘Hello, stranger,’ she said, pulling me into a hug. ‘How are you doing?’
The note of concern in her voice made me realise how bad I looked. I still hadn’t got around to putting my make-up on. What was the point?
‘Well… I’m still here…’ I shrugged.
Rachel heated up soup and unwrapped home-made sandwiches onto plates while I debated how much to tell her. Jake had cautioned me to keep it to myself, but I was sure that Rachel would have the answers to some of my questions. She passed me a spoon and a napkin.
‘So truly, how is it all going?’
I thought about where to start. ‘Well, it seems that Amy’s accident… maybe it wasn’t so straightforward after all,’ I said, choosing my words carefully. ‘There are a couple of… outstanding questions.’
‘Anything I can help with?’
I stirred my soup. I so badly wanted to confide in her. Maybe she knew something that she didn’t realise was important?
‘Are you sure Amy didn’t say anything about Mike having money worries? Like, financial problems with the business?’
She considered this, then frowned and shook her head slowly.
‘It’s just that he’s been really weird about Amy’s will, and the whole trust fund thing. I’m starting to think that maybe’ – I choked on the idea – ‘maybe… her death wasn’t an accident. And Mike might have been responsible.’
Rachel gasped. ‘No.’ She shook her head, her eyes wide. ‘He couldn’t have. No way.’
I nodded glumly. ‘It’s starting to look that way.’
‘I can’t believe that, not from Mike. There must be some mistake.’
‘Do not say anything to him,’ I said, sternly. ‘The police are looking into it.’
‘But why would they think that?’
I wanted to tell her, to talk about how the car might have been deliberately damaged, but I couldn’t see how I could without betraying Jake’s confidence. Instead, I shrugged.
She took my hand in hers.
‘I’m sure it was nothing more than a horrible accident. The police are just crossing the t’s and what have you.’ Her eyebrows knotted together in a determined frown. ‘What can I do to help in the meantime?’
‘Nothing – not unless you’ve seen Amy’s phone.’
‘What for? Don’t the police have it already?’
‘Apparently, they already returned it to the family. But if Amy and Mike had been fighting, maybe she told someone, or maybe there’s something on the phone that might help us understand if he did it—’
‘Or clear him.’
I nodded. ‘Or clear him.’
Rachel leaned back in her chair and let out a long exhalation, folding her hands together in a prayer. ‘I know this is hard,’ she sniffed. ‘It’s been tough for me too – and I only lost my best friend. I can’t imagine what you’re going through, losing your sister and being stuck here. But you need to stay strong. Don’t make it harder on yourself. Focus on the children and your mum, and let the police do their job.’
I saw myself through her eyes – paranoid, grieving. A hot mess. I hadn’t even showered yet. What must Rachel think of me? What had Jake made of me when I showed up at his office that morning? Clearly, from the outside it didn’t look like I was doing well.
‘I know what you need,’ said Rachel, ‘a girls’ night!’
That did sound appealing. I missed having a social life.
After Rachel left, I decided to squeeze in a couple of hours of self-care. I ran myself a steaming hot bath, adding Epsom salts and essential oil that I found in the bathroom cupboard, lit a scented candle, and climbed in.
Had Amy lain here, just like this, when she needed a break? When she had been stressed about Mike’s financial problems? I pushed the image from my mind. If I closed my eyes and took deep breaths, I could almost forget where I was and what I had been looking for.
That evening, I was
