‘I mean, you’re so much like her. Like Amy.’
‘That’s…’ I searched for the words. Richard’s hand was still on my knee. I gently lifted it off. How did I even respond to that?
He shook his head. ‘I’m so sorry – that was a stupid, insensitive thing to say. Please, don’t hold it against me. I don’t even know where that came from…’
‘It’s OK,’ I lied. I suddenly felt very weird about Richard.
‘Did you like the roses, at least?’
The roses. Of course. Hadn’t it been obvious? I should have seen this coming.
I mustered the best smile I could manage. ‘I think you’d better be going.’
‘That was… Gosh, I am sorry.’
He followed me through to the kitchen, awkwardly shuffling around each other in the small space as I opened the door. Richard hesitated on the threshold.
‘I’m sorry about that,’ he said, eyes glistening. ‘I’m sorry about everything.’
The goodbye was short and clumsy, and I gently closed the door as soon as he was at a safe distance. I leaned back against it and slowly exhaled.
My phone pinged, interrupting my thoughts. It was Hannah.
I’m sorry about before. I really do need you. Not to show me what to do or tell me about any period stuff. Just to be there.
I didn’t get this girl. She was like two completely different people – Hannah in person was not the same teenager who was so communicative through her phone. Or maybe that’s how all girls her age were these days? She disappeared into her device for hours at a time. What little world had she made for herself in there?
Whatever it was, this was a window opening up to let me in. It might not have been a clear SOS, but it was a call for help from Hannah and a second chance for me to get this right. I had a great idea, and two-thirds of a bottle of good red wine to enjoy while I made it happen. Time to get to work.
I was envisioning a pamper day, Auntie Izzy-style. Lunch with champagne, nails, a facial, and a little shopping was just what I needed, and Hannah was giving me the perfect excuse. Getting your first period was a cause for celebration and she deserved a treat. It probably wasn’t what Amy would have done, but she hadn’t left a handbook on how to mother. I was going to have to do things my way.
Chapter Fourteen
The car came to pick us up at nine for the hour-long journey to Newcastle. Hannah cooed at the black Mercedes that I’d managed to hire from an executive chauffeur company at the last minute, taking a photo with her phone. The driver held the doors open for us and she climbed in, shifting nervously around in the leather seat. The smell of a freshly valeted interior was a comforting reminder of my normal life.
Our driver, Henry, had clearly missed the day of chauffeur training when they were coached in the art of being silently attentive. He jumped straight in with questions, and when he got one-word shut-downs from me, moved on to Hannah.
She told him that we were celebrating a special occasion and looked across to give me a smile. Henry yapped on about how busy the ‘town’ would be, given the great weather. He spoke with a broad Geordie accent and his cologne was far too strong for such an enclosed space. I sipped on a small bottle of water from the armrest console and willed the journey by, gazing out of the window as the countryside rolled past.
Journeys to Newcastle had always signalled big events and special occasions – school trips, visits to the theatre or museums, Christmas shopping excursions. I remembered a Saturday afternoon a lifetime ago when Amy and I had first been allowed to make the trip on our own. We’d taken the bus and spent four hours walking around, exploring in our own time, giddy with excitement and the possibility that a big city held. I’d decided then that even Newcastle was not enough – I wanted more, bigger. London, Paris, New York.
Growing up, I couldn’t wait to get away from here. Amy had told me she was coming too and I’d taken it for granted that she felt the same. I could see now how she might have said that for my benefit. She’d have done anything for me, once upon a time. Perhaps Seahouses had been enough for her all along. And maybe there was something wrong with me – after all, it’s normal to feel a desire for home. It had taken her dying wish to get me back here. And now there was a kernel of a thought, a seed of an idea deep inside me, that maybe I should have done it sooner.
Eventually, rural turned into suburbia as farmland gave way first to vast housing estates and then finally the towers and spires of the city itself. I hadn’t been to Newcastle for several years, and I asked Henry to take us on a quick tour before our first appointment. So much had changed; new buildings had sprung up everywhere and a lot of streets were no longer recognisable to me. But as we traversed the river, the Tyne’s familiar seven bridges slid into view, lined up one by one, framing the water below.
I had booked a salon the evening before, managing to get appointments for both me and Hannah to have our hair and nails done, followed by a facial. Hannah was wide-eyed as I explained this to her, even more so when I suggested she got some subtle face-framing highlights and layers cut into her hair. The salon staff spoiled her, bringing her endless treats while they glossed, buffed and trimmed her to perfection. As we were getting ready to leave, Hannah took out her phone to get a picture of her makeover and I realised that it was the longest I’d seen her go without it. She even
