Those were the big things, the long-term stuff. The most pressing concern was how to get Mum, the kids, and Mike – not to mention Rachel – through the next few days. There would be more questions from the police, and at some point, very soon, Phil would probably be charged with Amy’s murder.
The thought knocked the wind out of me, and I shuddered, hugging my knees to my chest for comfort.
I heard soft footsteps coming down the stairs and the door slowly creaked open.
It was Rachel, fully dressed in yesterday’s clothes. ‘Want a cup of tea?’ she whispered.
She knew her way around Mum’s kitchen and didn’t have to search for teabags, mugs or sugar. I closed the door so we didn’t wake anyone.
‘How did you sleep?’ I asked.
Her complexion was ashy, and without make-up, the shadows under her eyes were purple. ‘Not great.’ She leaned back on the counter and wrapped her arms across her chest as we silently waited for the kettle to boil.
This woman had become such a good friend to me, had been there for me when I needed her, and now I didn’t even know what to say to her. Could she guess the depth of Amy’s betrayal? I wanted to know, but I didn’t dare ask. How would she feel when she found out how much I knew, and had been keeping from her?
The silence was mercifully broken by the muffled sounds of someone moving upstairs. Without saying anything, Rachel took out an extra mug. Auntie Sue appeared at the door just as Rachel was pouring. In her dressing gown and with no make-up, Sue looked every one of her sixty years.
‘Oh, love, come here.’ Auntie Sue pulled Rachel into a hug and Rachel started sobbing on her shoulder. The two of them stood like that, bound together, while Rachel wept into the collar of her dressing gown. The three mugs of tea steamed on the counter beside them.
‘I just… I just don’t understand,’ said Rachel as she pulled away from Auntie Sue and we sat down. ‘Why would they think he was involved?
I tentatively placed my hand on hers, squeezing her fingers. Saying nothing.
We decided that Rachel should stay at Mum and Auntie Sue’s for a few days, and I agreed to sleep over for a night, too. I longed for the little airy bedroom at Puffin Cottage and my bed with its sea view, but Rachel needed me. She had to go home and get some things, but she promised to be back in time for tea with her overnight bag. We hugged goodbye, and I told her to call me if she needed anything.
My first stop was to check on Mike and the kids. I wanted to be there in time for them waking up, and had decided to treat them to bacon butties. I let myself in and took the five paper bags of steaming bacon rolls from Clarke’s through the kitchen.
Lucas’s eyes grew wide when he saw my haul. Mike was already up and making coffee. I sat down at the table. I needed to speak to Mike without the kids around.
‘Lucas, why don’t you go and wake your sisters up?’
He rolled his eyes but got up, reluctantly leaving his bacon sandwich.
Mike poured me a cup of coffee. I held it with two hands, inhaling the steam.
‘How could he have done this, Izzy?’ Mike stared off into space. ‘He’s my mate, for god’s sake.’ He took a sip and corrected himself. ‘Was my mate…’
‘Rachel’s distraught,’ I said. ‘Absolutely beside herself. I don’t know how she’ll ever get over this.’
Mike stroked his knuckle slowly across his jawline, his two-day stubble bristling. ‘I’ve been thinking about Rachel.’ He shook his head. ‘And all of this, now with Phil… I don’t know. Clearly, they weren’t the friends we thought they were. Maybe we should be keeping her at arm’s length, you know? Until we know what’s what?’
‘Why? You don’t seriously think for one second that she knew what was going on, do you?’ I regretted the words as soon as I’d said them.
‘What do you mean, “what was going on”?’ Mike’s face was white. ‘What are you talking about?’
My mouth opened, but no words came to me. Panic rose in my chest.
I was saved by Betsy, who came bounding into the room, impossibly energetic for someone who had just woken up. I mouthed, ‘Nothing,’ at Mike, just as my youngest niece draped her arms around my neck and planted a kiss on my cheek.
Breakfast was painfully awkward. Mike was doing his best to be normal, so much so that he was trying too hard and giving a very over-the-top performance of holding it all together. Hannah was withdrawn, and although she kept laughing at her dad’s jokes, it was clearly an exhausting effort.
I grew weary just from watching them all trying so hard, and my appetite disappeared. The bacon that had smelled so good was now cold and greasy in my mouth, and the bread was like cotton wool. It took all my energy to chew and swallow, chew and swallow.
Mike was taking the kids to the beach for the morning and I’d agreed to spend the afternoon with them. I headed back to chill for a few hours.
Puffin Cottage smelled like home. The sweetness of the honeysuckle followed me inside, where it combined with the earthiness of yesterday’s log fire. I slumped into my favourite chair. I had only been away for twenty-four hours, but it
