‘It had all been for nothing. I just sat there, watching the rest of them. After minutes that could just as easily have been hours, someone reached out and took my hand. I hadn’t even noticed him, but a man had come to sit in the seat next to me. He could obviously see how upset I was. But there was something familiar about the hand… I looked up and there, right next to me in the middle of the jungle, was Edward.
‘I was speechless. He was as real as… well, real. Alive. Your father,’ she said, nodding. ‘And he looked exactly as he had before we set off for a walk that day after Sunday lunch – wearing the same jumper and everything. I reached out and touched his face, and he smiled back at me.’
Mum started to get emotional but I urged her on, fighting back my own temptation to tears.
‘You know how I knew he was real?’
I shook my head, unsure of where this was going.
‘He said, “Anne, get a bloody grip and pull yourself together.” We sat there, in that rainforest all those thousands of miles away, after all that soul-searching, and he said something that only your father would say. It’s how I knew it was him,’ she said, smiling.
‘Wait… what?’ I stammered. ‘That was the end of the search? That was the big revelation?’
‘That was just it: there was no revelation. No big secret, anyway. It just made me realise what I should have known all along – your dad was always with me. I went looking for him, but he was already there. I’d been looking for answers to questions that didn’t exist. That was the fire I made with my two sticks.’
She pulled me in for a cuddle, and I allowed myself the indulgence of snuggling under her arm – something I hadn’t done in years.
‘The people we love don’t leave us, Izzy. They’re part of us, and we keep them alive. It’s like Amy. She is here with us, right now. I see her in the kids, in you. In Rachel, too. There’s no big answer, no eternal truth beyond that.’ She sighed. ‘Of course, by the time I’d realised this, I had pushed you girls away. You were so angry with me.’
Mum shuddered at the memory and I winced.
‘I know all the spirituality stuff irritates you, because it reminds you of why I left. But it’s also why I was able to finally come home. It became part of my life, and I need it today as much as I did then – as much as you need to drink water.’
Perhaps I could be better at allowing Mum her hippy indulgencies. It certainly did seem to improve her state of mind.
‘So if Amy’s here, what would she say to us?’ I asked.
Mum stroked my hair. ‘I think she’d tell us we’re doing well,’ she said thoughtfully. ‘She would tell us we’re doing a good job with the kids, I’m sure.’ Mum looked up at the ceiling. ‘And she would tell us that she’s with Dad now. She…’
I waited for her to continue, but she had stopped short. Like there was something had been going to say, but thought better of. Her gaze stayed on the ceiling, fixed to some spot only she could see.
‘What else would Amy say, Mum?’ I sat up and looked at her. Her lip was trembling.
‘I don’t know… I don’t understand…’ She mumbled.
‘What is it, Mum?’ I tried to hide the urgency in my voice. ‘What do you know? What aren’t you telling me?’
‘I just feel like…’
A pause. She turned to me.
‘I feel like Amy has been trying to tell me something. These past few days.’
My heart started to hammer at the mention of Amy’s name, and when I spoke again, my voice was thin. ‘What has she been trying to tell you?’
Mum shook her head. Her eyes were wide and her lips pressed together in a tight line. ‘She says we’re wrong, Izzy. We got it wrong.’
Chapter Seventeen
I couldn’t stop turning Mum’s words over in my mind. Had she really connected with Amy, or had she finally lost it? I had no doubt that she believed what she’d told me. The question was how much consideration I or any other sane person should give to what she had said. Maybe it was time to confront the very real concerns I had about my mother’s mental health. Still, I couldn’t shake my unease. I sent Amy a text.
Did we get it wrong? Did we make a mistake?
The phone rang in my hand, making me jump. I’d been on edge since last night when the police deadline for charging Phil came and went. It was Jake.
‘It’s complicated, but they’re keeping him in for questioning for another twenty-four hours. This does happen sometimes with serious offences. It means they believe they have their man, but maybe don’t have enough evidence to get it over the finishing line.’
‘Thanks,’ I said. I was so weary. ‘Keep me posted.’
I couldn’t see what further evidence they could they possibly need, beyond the proof of the affair and the fact that Phil had tinkered with her car.
Mum’s words were playing on repeat in my mind. What could we have got wrong? I needed to keep myself busy and distracted for another twenty-four hours.
Thankfully, my shipment was arriving from Hong Kong. It had been so long since I’d seen my possessions and I was eager to be reunited with my collection of shoes and bags. Thierry and Mathilde had coordinated the packing under Adam’s direction after I’d decided I’d be staying for a few months, and I was curious to see what they considered as essential personal items. Now that I knew I’d be staying here indefinitely, I’d
