Adam registered my surprise.
‘Well, it’s not as if you’ve been calling me back!’
I winced under his blow. It was true that I had neglected our friendship, but it had been too hard to hear about my old life carrying on without me. And maybe Auntie Sue was right. Maybe my obsession with finding out what happened to Amy was becoming unhealthy.
Gina arrived with more drinks. Suddenly the wine seemed less appealing.
‘So, what else is new?’
I started again from the beginning, telling Adam how hard it had been with the kids at first, but that we were finally finding our feet, and that things were starting to heal with Mum. I even used that word – heal – which just showed how much influence she was having on me.
I smiled as I described my friendship with Jake and was wholly unconvincing when I insisted there was no potential for romance. The blush started to rise in my cheeks and I quickly changed the subject.
Adam listened as I explained how Izzy Morton Interiors had quickly gone from pie-in-the-sky idea to harsh reality, and how I’d roped everyone in to help on the pitch for Jennifer Wheeler.
‘Shit!’ I looked at my watch. ‘The pitch! It’s tomorrow!’
There was still work left to do on the proposal, and I wasn’t remotely ready for the meeting.
‘Well, let’s leave these for now.’ Adam pushed our drinks away. ‘Session postponed until we have something to celebrate. Sounds like we have work to do.’
We went back to Puffin Cottage and worked late into the night. By the time Adam had finished weaving his magic, the pitch had been transformed from a solid home-made effort to something that looked and felt polished and professional.
Adam even helped me to pick an outfit to wear the next day. It had been a while since I’d worn anything except my casual clothes and at first, it felt like I was playing dress-up. I was relieved to find that my black wool trousers still fitted, and Adam paired them with a white silk blouse and cashmere wrap.
We surveyed the result of his makeover. It wasn’t my old look – in fact, Hong Kong Izzy would have been seriously worried for this girl. But it was smart and somewhat chic, without trying too hard. It felt good to be wearing heels again. I was holding my chin higher and my shoulders were down. This was me, doing something for me. Something came back to me in that moment – something I hadn’t realised I’d lost.
Adam yawned and I offered him my bed, insisting I would be comfortable on the sofa.
‘Don’t be daft – you need to get a good night’s sleep.’ He shrugged on his coat and kissed my cheek.
I opened the door for him. The wind had changed direction and a cool salty breeze wafted into the kitchen.
‘You’ve got this, Izzy,’ he said, as he closed the yard gate. ‘Break a leg!’
My nerves got the better of me, pushing away the sweet softness of sleep and jolting me back to consciousness with a gasp. A glance at my watch on the bedside table told me it was only 5.15 a.m. I knew I wouldn’t get back to sleep again.
I made a coffee and took it to bed, pulling back the curtains to the dark and opening the window a slice, just enough to allow in a cool trickle of sea air. The blackness began to part across the middle, the sea now distinguishable from the sky that slowly came into focus. A sliver of gold light appeared along the edge of the water, growing, casting a glow on everything it touched.
I pulled on some warm clothes and headed down to the beach, streetlights guiding the way to the start of the dune path until the thin morning light took over. Despite my layers, the cold air bit at me. I tucked my chin deeper into Amy’s fleece jacket and pulled the collar as high as it would reach.
Adam’s words rang in my ears. Auntie Sue was right – finding out what had happened to Amy had become an obsession. Drinking had numbed the ache of my loss but blinded me to the pain I was causing. I had neglected the people I cared about and too many people had been hurt because of me. I could see that now.
Without thinking, I took my trainers off, tucking my socks inside them. The cold sand slapped against the soles of my feet as I ran towards the shoreline, where I stood, gasping at the shock of the water’s icy caress, washing over me, cleansing me.
I bargained with the sea: let me have this. Just for today, for one day only, let me focus on this and forget all the other stuff – forget Richard, forget Phil, forget Mike. Forget Amy, too, if I can. Just for a few hours. I need it.
Jennifer Wheeler had her mother’s sparkling blue eyes. She shook my hand firmly, smiling at me with a warmth that immediately put me at ease. I had been so nervous on the drive to Alnwick that I’d had to pull over at one point and wait for the trembling to stop.
She led me through to a function room. The Stables was all dark wood panelling with a deep red carpet and period decorations. I could see immediately how lightening the walls and wood and restyling the window dressings would refresh the room, making it brighter and improving the flow of chi.
Mum had given me some positive affirmations as a technique to control my nerves, and I repeated them in head as I set up for my presentation: I am creative, I am professional and I am capable. I can do this.
My voice quivered slightly as I delivered the opening that Adam had helped me to craft, and my hand trembled as I talked Jennifer through the styling elements on the mood board. But I quickly
