Realising this brought me nothing. There was no release and there was no relief – just a sad emptiness.
Then I heard a thud from downstairs.
Had I imagined it? The noise must have come from outside. I had locked the door behind me when I came in.
I slipped my phone into my pocket. The last of the day’s light was fading and the harbour lights were blinking to life. I tiptoed down the stairs and stood at the bottom in the darkness, pressed against the wall, listening outside the open living room door. There was a faint scuffling sound, so soft that it could be a mouse.
But I knew it wasn’t.
My heart was pounding against my ribcage and I dared myself to look again. There was a light, a golden flickering that cast dancing shadows across the floor. I took a deep breath and stepped into the room.
Someone had lit a candle.
And then a voice from behind me.
‘You couldn’t help yourself, could you?’
I spun around on my heels, fists in front of me, ready for fight-or-flight.
Rachel laughed as she stepped past me and slowly folded herself into the armchair by the fire, tucking her legs up to one side as if this was one of our cosy nights in. I froze in disbelief.
‘You just couldn’t stop. Why? You had to keep pushing. And now here we are.’ She laughed again, smiling at me with a snarl.
I took my phone from my pocket to call Adam. Rachel leapt up and snatched the phone away from me, slapping me hard across the face. The shock was more painful that the sting on my cheek. I touched a finger to my face, stunned into silence. I’d never been hit before.
‘Seriously? You think I’m going to go through all of this and come this far, just to have you fuck everything up for me now?’ She spat the words at me with venom as she coiled herself back into the chair.
The shock subsided and I was pulled back to the surface, buoyed by adrenaline. I could feel my feet again.
I had to get out.
I was closer to the door than she was. Rachel must have let herself in with her key, but had she locked the door again behind her? It was worth a shot, and I decided to make a run for it – if I could make it as far as the lane, I could scream for help.
I ran through the kitchen towards the door, moving faster than I had in a long time. My weight slammed against the timber as I grabbed the knob and tried to twist – it didn’t budge. She’d locked it from the inside. Where was the key? My pulse pounded in my ears.
Rachel hadn’t even moved from the chair. ‘That’s your problem – you think I’m stupid.’ That laugh again. The leather groaned as she stood up from the chair and started walking towards me. ‘You know, Amy thought I was stupid too. And just look where that got her.’
She was laughing at me, at Amy. The panic was rising in me, and I struggled to think clearly. I needed something to defend myself. A weapon! I yanked the cutlery drawer open, ready to grab a knife. It was empty.
Rachel was suddenly at my shoulder, one arm around my neck and the other wrapped around my waist, pinning my arms to my sides. Her breath was warm on my ear.
‘We could have been happy, me and you. We could have been sisters, played happy families. Shared the kids. Me and Mike could have got together. You might not have liked it at first, but you’d have wanted us both to be happy…’
Her lips brushed my neck. She smelled of freesias – Amy’s perfume.
‘You’ll never be my sister,’ I said. ‘You’re nothing like Amy.’
How long had I been gone now? Adam or Jake would come looking for me soon. I just had to keep Rachel talking for long enough.
‘Don’t think that any of them are coming for you,’ she said, reading my thoughts. ‘They all think you’re a basket case. They sent me to help you.’ Her laugh was like glass shattering. ‘After all,’ she purred, ‘I am like a sister to you.’
She was gripping me painfully hard and slammed me against the door. I tried to remember the moves I’d learned at the self-defence class Adam and I had taken in Hong Kong. I had probably missed any opportunity I’d had to fight Rachel off, and she was freakishly strong. I knew she would overpower me.
‘Why did you do it? Why did you have to kill her?’
‘Have to? Have to? I didn’t have to kill Amy. I wanted to.’
Fresh anger burned like acid in my chest.
Rachel carried on, satisfied with her captive audience. ‘Mike was going to leave her for me. He’d been saying it for ages, and somehow never got around to it.’
I pictured her and Mike together and felt repulsed.
‘I had to bring things to a head. Make him decide, once and for all. So I told him I was pregnant, and you know what that bastard did? He told me to get rid of it!’ She screamed, a frustrated, angry bark, and threw me against the door again with a new strength. ‘He asked me how I knew it was his. After everything we’d been through, he told me to get a fucking abortion. Can you imagine? And then he wanted to end things, I know he did. He didn’t have to say anything. I could see it in his eyes, the moment I told him. He was going to break up with me.’
Sadness curled at the corners of her words and her grip relaxed a little.
‘It was a test, and he failed. Big time. So I had to find another way to solve the problem. Because, can’t you see? Amy was the problem. That spoilt little bitch.’
She pushed me harder against the door.
‘Little
