“I’m . . .” Harlem hesitated. “For the first time in a while, I think I can breathe.”
“You said that like you mean it.”
“I do.” She could hear the exhaustion in his voice. Her best friend Mesha’s words came to mind. Have you ever considered that maybe you’re the only connection Carter has left to Damian, and he doesn’t want to lose it? “How are you? Like really?”
He was lying in the dark on the sofa of his living room. It had taken every bit of his energy just to kick-off his shoes. The effort to walk into his bedroom was too daunting. He decided to stay put.
He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m good.”
“Hmm. . .I realized something today.”
“What’s that?”
“I owe you an apology. A real one.”
Carter sat up slightly. He couldn’t have possibly heard her right. “What?”
“You’re going to make me say it twice, huh?”
“I’m not sure I heard you right the first time.”
“I owe you an apology. I’ve been so caught up in my own grief that I haven’t once asked you about yours.” She paused. Her voice softened. She knew from Damian that Carter wasn’t close to his family. “I hope Elaina is helping you through it.”
Elaina? Carter hadn’t shared his innermost thoughts with her. “Honestly, I’ve just been too busy making sure everything, and everyone else around me was okay that I haven’t taken time for myself.”
More guilt hit her. “By everyone else, do you mean me?” She asked.
He didn’t want Harlem to feel bad. “Let’s just say you are more than a little challenging.”
“That is a very nice way of saying, you be doing the most!” She laughed, trying to inject a little humor into the heaviness of their conversation.
Her voice softened again. “I know what Damian meant to you because that’s what you meant to him. He was family. He was your brother. You’ve had to carry so much on your shoulders over these past several months. None of this has been fair to you.”
“It hasn’t, but it’s been the same for you.”
“How about I make you a deal. I will do my best not to be so challenging if you promise to lean on me if you need to.”
Carter’s throat felt a little thick. His chest was tight. “Who are you, and what did you do with Harlem?”
“I’m serious. Deal or not? Or, will I have to pull the same stunts as you by showing up unannounced and harassing the shit out of you until I get results.”
“I am not that bad.”
“Yes, you are. I have no idea why Elaina would even want to put up with you.” Harlem laughed.
“Elaina puts up with me because I’m the fuckin’ shit.”
“Ah. There you are.” They both got a good laugh off of being on familiar territory.
Carter grew serious. “I have no idea how to handle Elaina.”
“Why do men always think you have to ‘handle’ us? Just talk to her like a human being.”
“So, if I came to you and said, a friend of mine is having a baby. I’m biologically the father, so I have to be there for her and the baby. I can only give you my attention in-between office calls; how would you react?”
Carter couldn’t see her, but she made the gagging motion. “You didn’t actually say that did you?”
“A variation of something like it.”
“It’s no wonder that she doesn’t like me. I think I might have thrown you out of a window. What did Elaina say?”
“She really wants our relationship to work.”
“Carter, I don’t want to be the reason you let love slip through your fingers. Finding the right partner is just too hard. If Elaina is it, you’ve got to make her a priority.”
Carter hated to admit it, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to. His lack of seriousness in relationships left him behind the eight ball in this situation. He honestly didn’t know if he was self-sabotaging or if Elaina just wasn’t the right woman for him. Aside from sex, he truly didn’t enjoy her company all that much.
“Carter?”
“Yeah.”
“Did you hear me?”
“I heard you. Elaina and I will figure it out.” He released a heavy sigh. “I want to ask you something.” Carter was hesitant.
“Okay.”
“Damian’s birthday is next week. I was thinking of visiting the gravesite.” The drive was at least an hour away. Harlem requested that he be buried in her family’s plot in some small town called Zion, Illinois. “Do you want to go?”
“Actually . . .” Harlem needed closure. It was time. She for damn sure didn’t want to be riding shotgun with Elaina, but she had been selfish enough. It was time to return some of Carter’s goodwill. Her voice was elevated in a false sense of subdued excitement. “That would be great if I could tag along.”
“It would just be you and me.”
“Oh.” Relief washed all over her. Visiting Damian’s grave was going to be hard enough. Harlem didn’t want to do it in front of Elaina.
“Elaina will be out of town on business. I may not know much about relationships, but I know how to keep women who shouldn’t be in the same room together apart.” Carter laughed.
“You’re a mess, Carter Owens. It’s getting late. I have a lot to do tomorrow. I better go.”
Carter had been tired when he first started talking to Harlem but surprisingly, their conversation relaxed him. “What do you have planned?”
Harlem was slow to respond. “I’m packing away and clearing out Damian’s things.” Carter didn’t say anything. It was quiet on his end of the phone. Harlem
